Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Tales from the Trailer Park, Chapter 8: Pay back is hell!

Welcome to another chapter of Tales from the Trailer Park.. If you read "You Little Asshole"  you might have thought I was an asshole, but trust me I got paid back!

My Mom wasn't smart enough to pay me back for all the miserable shit I used to do.  Okay, well that probably wasn't a nice thing to say.  She was smart but, she wouldn't have wanted to spend the time scheming against me.

Although, my neighbors/mom's boss and her husband loved to fuck with us kids!
I guess they were tired of seeing Mom's boobs every other day and decided to take matters in their own hands.

I remember they were having a barbecue that day and I was super excited, I loved to socialize and skip and run around their yard.  They had the coolest little doll house in their backyard!
They also had two huge Rottweiler's who used to scare the shit out of me.  The dogs never did anything to hurt me, but I couldn't figure out why they had to stick their wet noses up my freaking ass every time I saw them!  I tried to stay away from them when I was over.

All the old folks were sitting around the grill talking, laughing, drinking and just being old.

Colleen (that was my neighbor's name) called me over to them.
I noticed they were all smiling as I walked over.  Of course the first thing I thought was they want to see my awesome gymnastic skills.  Hell yes!!

I can't remember what she said to me when I came over, that was a really long time ago.  It's not important anyway, what is important is what happened next.

I saw something big and green out of the corner of my eye and then all of a sudden everything got really quiet like they were all holding their breath.

I turned around and I seriously damn near shit my pants, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  I felt like my feet were made out of concrete.  I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't cry.

My world was frozen in time until he flexed his big green arms and let out a roar that could have melted my eyebrows.  I turned to look at the old folks to see if they were seeing what I was seeing or if any of them were going to help me.  They were seeing what I was seeing and they weren't going to help.  They were laughing! How could they be laughing the freaking Incredible Hulk is gonna kill me!!

I turned back around to see where he was, oh my God, he walking toward me and he's growling now. I swear the ground was rumbling under his mighty feet.

I managed to make my feet work and I took the fuck off! I ran across their yard toward the fence that separated our yards.  The whole time I was running I was crying and screaming,

"No Hulk! Please leave me alone!"

I seriously ran so fast I didn't have time to stop and climb the fence, and no need either I scaled that thing in one hop!  I got to the other side of the fence and looked back to find Hulk and all the old folks pointing and laughing at me.

I found out later in life that Colleen had a weight-lifting friend and she asked him to some how paint his whole freaking body green so she could scare her neighbor's asshole kid!  And he agreed to this shit!

I tell you what, it did scare the shit out of me and I don't remember pulling anymore of those pranks on my mom anymore. Well played Colleen, well played!

Thanks for reading,

Monday, July 22, 2013

Four years ago..

Being a 35 year old pregnant woman was not an easy task for me.  I felt too old to be making another human being.  Those feelings faded quickly after I saw my son for the first time. 

8 pounds, 20 inches long 

After a scheduled c-section they whisked him away and was told that my little baby boy was having problems breathing on his own.  I was pushed to pump for my brand new baby to help him grow strong.  I pumped and pumped and it was hand delivered by either Chris or a nurse.  I was a wreck, I wasn't healing as quickly as they hoped I would.  The baby had to stay in the NICU where he was hooked up to machines to help him breathe.  Two days after my surgery the nurses felt I was strong enough to walk to the room that held my heart.

First time I held my son

The hospital let me stay in my hospital room one more night free of charge so I could be close to my son. 
But, the day finally came when I had to pack up and go home to my family and leave a piece of me behind.
Before we left, I was surprised with the best present ever, he was strong enough to come to my room. As soon as the nurse wheeled him in I broke down!  I noticed all the nurses stood outside my open door to watch our family bond. 
First time Emilie was able to see her brother without a
 piece of glass between them

I think I blocked a lot out during those few days without my son at home with me.  I found myself enraged with hormones and deep sadness that my precious baby was not with me. 

I was unable to drive for 2 weeks after my surgery, but luckily I have a great friend Amber who offered to take me.  I was really beyond myself to see him again, I was anxious as we drove the 5 miles to the hospital.  I walked into the room and found that they had taken him off of most of the tubes and gadgets that were stuck into him.  I picked him up and held him as carefully as I could.  I cried and prayed for him to be okay and come home to his family.  I eventually had to say goodbye for the day and go home, on the ride home I burst into tears because I had forgotten to bring the breast milk I had for him.  

Our first picture together
He only had to spend 3 days in the hospital with out me.  I was obviously ecstatic to bring him home. 
Well, here we are 4 years later and he is the light of my life!  He has the best personality, (definitely not like his Mommy)
He has stayed home with me since the day he came home from the hospital. It was an amazing experience to be able to do that with him.  I wouldn't have traded it for anything.  Now, it's coming to an end.. Next month he will start pre-school.   He's only going for 3 hours a day but, oh  man I will miss him so much!  I'm so very excited for him to grow and learn and to make new friends.  I'm also a little sad because I miss the little baby he used to be.  
He told me recently that when I drop him off at school that I'm only allowed to give him hugs and kisses in the car.  "Not in front of my friends, Mama!"  Little does he know, I'm gonna do it anyway!
Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful and sweet son.  I love that I smile when you walk into a room. Please don't grow up to be an annoying a-hole!  But, I'll love you anyway.

Four years later....

Thanks for reading,