Four years ago..

Being a 35 year old pregnant woman was not an easy task for me.  I felt too old to be making another human being.  Those feelings faded quickly after I saw my son for the first time. 

8 pounds, 20 inches long 

After a scheduled c-section they whisked him away and was told that my little baby boy was having problems breathing on his own.  I was pushed to pump for my brand new baby to help him grow strong.  I pumped and pumped and it was hand delivered by either Chris or a nurse.  I was a wreck, I wasn't healing as quickly as they hoped I would.  The baby had to stay in the NICU where he was hooked up to machines to help him breathe.  Two days after my surgery the nurses felt I was strong enough to walk to the room that held my heart.

First time I held my son

The hospital let me stay in my hospital room one more night free of charge so I could be close to my son. 

But, the day finally came when I had to pack up and go home to my family and leave a piece of me behind.

Before we left, I was surprised with the best present ever, he was strong enough to come to my room. As soon as the nurse wheeled him in I broke down!  I noticed all the nurses stood outside my open door to watch our family bond. 

First time Emilie was able to see her brother without a
 piece of glass between them

I think I blocked a lot out during those few days without my son at home with me.  I found myself enraged with hormones and deep sadness that my precious baby was not with me. 

I was unable to drive for 2 weeks after my surgery, but luckily I have a great friend Amber who offered to take me.  I was really beyond myself to see him again, I was anxious as we drove the 5 miles to the hospital.  I walked into the room and found that they had taken him off of most of the tubes and gadgets that were stuck into him.  I picked him up and held him as carefully as I could.  I cried and prayed for him to be okay and come home to his family.  I eventually had to say goodbye for the day and go home, on the ride home I burst into tears because I had forgotten to bring the breast milk I had for him.  

Our first picture together

He only had to spend 3 days in the hospital with out me.  I was obviously ecstatic to bring him home. 

Well, here we are 4 years later and he is the light of my life!  He has the best personality, (definitely not like his Mommy)

He has stayed home with me since the day he came home from the hospital. It was an amazing experience to be able to do that with him.  I wouldn't have traded it for anything.  Now, it's coming to an end.. Next month he will start pre-school.   He's only going for 3 hours a day but, oh  man I will miss him so much!  I'm so very excited for him to grow and learn and to make new friends.  I'm also a little sad because I miss the little baby he used to be.  

He told me recently that when I drop him off at school that I'm only allowed to give him hugs and kisses in the car.  "Not in front of my friends, Mama!"  Little does he know, I'm gonna do it anyway!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful and sweet son.  I love that I smile when you walk into a room. Please don't grow up to be an annoying a-hole!  But, I'll love you anyway.

Four years later....

Thanks for reading,

xoxo