Saturday, November 7, 2020

Letter to Past Self

 July 20, 2019, is a day you will never forget!  

You thought it was just going to be a normal day.

The kids were gone for a whole week and we were finally going to pick them up. I know you're so excited to see them.  You missed them so much! 

He screamed at you while you cried for mercy, just a little empathy is all you wanted.  Stuck in the car for two hours with either yelling, degrading, or numbing silence.   

This was the last straw, your mind was made up although so terrified... How? That was the question you kept asking yourself, how can you do it? How will I survive?

I don't need to go into detail about everything you felt, what you withstood those years.  Those memories live within both of us forever.  

But the question you need an answer to right now is, HOW?

This is how...

You made a plan, first on the list was money.  You turned your part-time job into a full-time job.  You thought of the little details like bank accounts and cell phones and your 2 best friends and family helped in every way they could.  

5 long months later you did it, you told him.  You told him that you could no longer live your life like this any longer.  You wanted better for your kids and for the rest of your life.  

You thought of mom a lot during this time. She was close, she raised you to be a strong woman, she prepared you for this.  A mom always wants better for their child and you were going to prove her right!

So, it's been one year and four months from that dreadful day of July 20, 2019.  I want to show you everything you accomplished since then. 

The things you were afraid you couldn't do you are doing and you're doing amazing.

The cutest apartment

New Car

Bills paid

Money in Savings

You didn't know this then, but those 4 things are minor compared to what you didn't realize you were going to have to do.

The most important thing is learning to love yourself!  

You're still working on it, you work hard every single day.  Yes, you still have bad days, and that's okay. The bad days you have now are so much better than the bad days you had a year ago. 

Oh, and another thing, you have your freedom, you have the freedom to come and go as you please. 

You don't have to answer to anyone! Not a single soul.  That feeling is unreal. 

You have the freedom to eat cereal for dinner if you want, or not wash the damn dishes if you don't feel like it.  


You smile so much more now.  You don't have to fake that smile anymore. 

The kids are doing amazingly well.  They are happier, so much happier.  Everyone gets along and has so much fun. Laughing, playing games.  There's no more fighting! No more raised voices or crying.

They smile a lot too!

You did it.. you're doing it!   Every single day is better than the day before.


Future Ellen

July 20, 2019
After we picked up the kids.