Thursday, July 26, 2012

Heinous Anus

The title of this post describes my mood today!
I don't want my very much loved readers to think, all I do is bitch. 
 I really don't! Well, don't ask Chris that question he will probably say I do.  But that's only because a lot of men think when a woman opens their mouth it's to bitch.  But this post isn't about Chris. It's about me and my fucked up choices.
Maybe once a week I get in to a horrible mood.  I let things inside me built until I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin. Well that's today!

I feel like I've made some horrible mistakes in my life in the last three years.  Yes, since Andrew came along.  I don't regret for one second having him. He's is my rock sometimes.  I just look at him and thank god he's in my life.  Andrew and I have a special bond, that I didn't have with Emilie.
That's where I believe the choices I made for him are affecting me and my family now.
Some of you know the back story, I worked after Em was born.  I decided not to when Andrew was born.  I think maybe I should have went back to work, so I can help my family with money and things we need.  But, if I did go back to work, I know I wouldn't have the bond I have with him now.
Does that even make sense?  Well, it does in my head.

So there's possible mistake #1 -  Quitting my job.

Mistake #2 - Selling our very reliable and paid off car. 
We sold it and got another car plus cash back.  Sounds like a great plan right??
The new car broke down, it needed a new engine! So we sold it to a junk yard.

So, now I'm stuck at home, with no car.  I can't even try to get a job, because I have no damn way to get there!!
I can't even work at night, because Chris' job is so un-predictiable.

That I believe are the 2 biggest mistakes I've made in the last three years.

I've looked for anything and everything that I could do from home and my computer. All freaking scams.  I was accepted to write articles for a website. - I write about Motherhood.  I was very proud of myself. But, after written like 6 articles, I've made a total of $1.17!!! REALLY!!!
I'm done with that shit!

But, of course when I think things can't get any worse.
My cell phone dies.. So now I have no home phone, no cell phone!! WTF
No money to buy anything else.  I have to sit outside, just to get an internet connection, so I can write my silly articles that seem to be a waste of time!

We're a month behind on rent, electricity, car payment and I have to figure out how to buy a week's worth of food for $60!!!
I guess it's time to start couponing again.

There is one good thing I don't want to leave out.
Today, we are getting our internet and home phone back up.  Thanks to who will be our new roommate Amy! 

I seriously hope I didn't depress anyone with this post today.  I hope that you look at this and thank god that you're not in my shoes.

If you want to help our poor family please call this #: 1-800-Fuckedup-Life.

Thanks for reading.