Thursday, May 16, 2013

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

How many of you lie to your children?

Well, I do.. and I do it damn near everyday.  I'm not proud, it's just something I have to do.  I have to do it for many reasons.  My daughter who is 9 years old likes to lie to me about stupid things.  She never used to lie, she was the most honest person I've ever met.  She's hitting that age, where she doesn't like to do certain things, so when I ask her about it she will lie. My 3 year old is learning from his sister now!

Here are some of the lies I will tell my children, to either get them to do what they need to do, or to shut the hell up!

Chuck E. Cheese is not open on Saturday or Sunday 

McDonald's is out of French Fries today. 

Uh-Oh, I hope lightning won't strike you.

Mommy doesn't have any money today.

Sure, we can go toy shopping on Tuesday.  (This is said to my son who only knows one day of the week, but doesn't actually know when it is Tuesday)

Spiderman loves to eat vegetables

Your teacher sent me an email  __________ (I fill in the blank with whatever fits at that time.)

If you drink too much soda, you won't grow up to be big like Mommy and Daddy.

If you swear on Mom-Mom's grave and you lie that means she will be taken from Heaven and brought to Hell.  Do you want that?  (Mom-Mom is my mom who died 2 years ago)

No you may not come outside while Mommy smokes, there are huge bugs out here.

You will make Mommy's heart break if you lie.

Your eyes turn black when you tell a lie, and I'm the only one who can see it. 

Well, of course I have eyes in the back of my head.  If you try to look for them, they disappear. 
(I tell you what, that one works big time. Even my daughter believes me)

If you don't brush your teeth, the Tooth Fairy won't come. She only likes clean teeth.

If you don't take a bath two things will happen:  1.  No one will want to be your friend, because you will stink.  2. Worms will come out of your butt.

These are just a few I use, I make them up as I go.

My kids are young enough that they believe all the lies I tell them.  And, I'm old enough to know which one's to tell them that will get them to tell me the truth.  Yes, most of the time the truth comes out in tears. But, it gets the damn job done!!
I've tried to do the nice Mom conversation with them.

In the best June Cleaver voice I could muster up.

"Honey, you know it's not nice to lie, no one likes someone who lies.  You must tell the truth all the time.  You will get in trouble more if you lie, than if you just tell me the truth.

Yeah, that shit only lasted during that conversation.  Then the next day this happens:

Emilie getting ready for school

"Emilie, your socks looks filthy, did you put on new socks?"
"Yep, I did."  she answers confidently while avoiding eye contact.
"Really?  Those are clean socks?"
I give her the mom knows all look.
"Yep, their clean."  she's sticking to her story.
"Okay, well don't come crying to me, when your teacher locks you in the closet today because your stinky ass feet are annoying your classmates."
"She won't do that." Emilie trying to call my bluff.
"Oh yes she will, she sent me an email telling me the new rule, I didn't tell you cause I thought you wear clean socks everyday." I keep a straight face.
"Umm, Umm."  she stutters while I see her eyes fill up with tears.
"Get your butt back in that room and find some clean socks."
Up and off she goes

Mama always knows!!

What lies do you tell your children?  I can always use some new ones.  And feel free to use any of mine.  We need to stick together!!

Thanks for reading


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Too late to Dream Big?

I have had a rough time this week thinking of a blog post.  I just didn't feel like writing anything.  I hardly got online all weekend.  I've been catching up on my staring at the wall and thinking.  What was I thinking about?
Nothing and every thing, I'm not sure if everyone is like this but I can sit and just stare and let things enter my mind.  All that shit, nothing came to mind to write about.  Until this morning while in the shower, not even sure how this entered my mind, but I thought about when I was young and what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Most children have crazy dreams about what they want to be.  I can remember the very first thing I wanted to be was an astronaut.  I've always been fascinated with stars and space.  I changed my mind about being an astronaut when I watched some movie and it showed the astronauts in the shuttle and they were being jerked around like something fierce   Well, that scared the shit out of me and changed my mind and begged my parents for a telescope, which I never got and still don't have one to this day.  Then, I wanted to be a cosmetologist, until I realized I would have to stand up on my feet for hours at a time.  Not a fan of standing. So then, I chose a secretary.  I could sit down all day and be a paper pusher and use my organizing skills.  So, that's what I did. I became a secretary, actually we like to be called an Administrative
Assistant.  I really did enjoy it.  I'm now a stay at home mom for one more year, I will enter the administrative world when my son turns 5 and goes to school.  So with all that being said, I think about what my life would have been like if I never had children.  I'm sure we all think about this.  Where would I be, what would I be doing?  This is the daydreaming I like to do, I could sit for hours picturing what my "single" life would be like.

This would be mine...
First, I would have done much better in High School and actually went to College.  Not a stupid little tech school but a real University.  I have no idea what I would have majored
The open road to everywhere
in, that really isn't important for my dream. I have always enjoyed photography.   After college, I would have got in the car and drove with no destination in mind.  I would work here and there to make money and then move on. Eventually, I would come to the end of the road and hopped on a cruise ship and worked my way across an ocean, doesn't matter which ocean.  I would go and do anything I wanted.  Met many, many different kinds of people.  Learned something new in every new place I visited.  No real responsibilities,  no one to answer to than myself. Depending on no one!!  I would eventually live the rest of my life near a coast, just like before, I don't care what coast just somewhere where the breeze is constant and the sun shines everyday.  Even though it sounds so relaxing and exciting to me, I think I would find myself lonely.  I'm not saying I wouldn't eventually settle down with an Australian hottie, but I would have probably been too old to have children.
My Australian hottie on our beach

Sometimes, when I talk to my daughter about her future, I try to stress to her how very important a good education is.  Even now in the 3rd grade!  I don't push her, I just try to show her with pictures and stories of what kind of life she could have.  She can do anything she wants to do. I also stress to her that getting married and having children are not a priority in life.  Just because Mommy did does not mean she has to.
"Do what you want to do, and don't worry about everyone else."
I pound that sentence in her head whenever we have this conversation 

With all that being said, I do not regret having my children, I would gladly give both boobs and my right arm for either of them.  They are my life!

That's me and my Aussie lover down there in the water. 
Why didn't I dream like this before it was too late?  Fuck if I know!  I grew up with 2 regular blue collared parents and didn't have those conversations with them.  I don't think I knew any better. I don't think they dreamed, because if they did I'm sure one of them would have had this conversation with me. You think? holy shit, maybe they were just too lazy to talk to me about this! Maybe, they thought I was smart enough to know that I could do anything. Well, they were wrong!!! Well, I'm not going to make that assumption with my kids. Who knows if they will be smart enough, so I'm covering all bases.
Pacific Ocean
Although, when I worked I did make more money than my parents ever did, but it's no where near enough to show my children or even myself the world. It makes me kind of sad to sit here in my tiny apartment and picture the Eiffel Tower or even the Pacific Ocean.  I will probably never see those places and many more I would love to
see, unless I win the lottery.  I don't consider myself a pessimist  I'm a realist.  Even though every time I play the lottery deep down I feel like I'm the winner.  Until they announce the numbers that I do not have on my ticket.

I want my children to dream and dream BIG, and to know that nothing is impossible!

What did you want to be when you grew up?  Are you that person? Did YOU dream big??

Thanks for reading