Thursday, February 7, 2013

Random B.S....

Is it weird that my three year old son wants the "Doc McStuffins"  doctor bag kit?  
While walking through Walmart and he see's something he has to have.. "Pease Mama, Pease." with his little hands together as he begs for it. 
If it's before Christmas, I always say "Maybe Santa will bring it for you."
If it's after Christmas I say "If your a good boy maybe for your birthday."
Both of those phrases makes him very happy.  What he doesn't realize is that it's February and his birthday is in July.  I know by then 95% of the stuff he HAD to have he will forget all about it by the time his birthday comes around.  But, if he still wants that doctor bag set, I will get it for him!


Do ya'll know what Orbeez are?  If not, damn you're lucky.  If you do, then you know that these little slimy things are a pain in the ass if they've fallen out of whatever kind of container your child has them in. 

After about ten fucking thousand of those little suckers "fell" out of the container I decided to vacuum them up.  I chose this option because I'm freaking lazy and I love to vacuum.  Well, let me warn you, never ever vacuum them if your vacuum has a bag.  What the hell did I know, but after a few days. Every time I would run the vacuum it smelled so bad.  I finally made it back to the store and actually remembered to buy more vacuum bags.  I opened the vacuum to take out the old bag. WTF!!! there was mold all over the bag!  UGH.
Lesson learned, no not what you're thinking, I would still vacuum them up again. 
The lesson I've learned is... NO MORE ORBEEZ!!


Chris and I decided to cancel our AT&T cell phone service, because I was tired of spending $200 a month on cell phones.  I'm sorry, I think it is extortion what those companies charge.  Anyway, we decided on Net 10 phones.  When we had AT&T I barely talked on the phone, I have a few close friends that when we talk on the phone we talk for more than 5 minutes.  I don't talk on the phone often but when I do I make it worth while.  Of course Chris got the good Net 10 smart phone and I got the shitty ass just a phone.  It's really okay, he needs the GPS option for work because he drives.  I'm home all day and I have a computer at my disposal.  I also have my AT&T android that I read my books on and can check my email and Facebook (WI-FI only) My point is... since I have the shitty phone we've been buying the 750 minutes for $25.  I go through 3 of those damn prepaid cards a month.  I think because I'm limited on how much I can talk, it makes me talk more.  Because Chris has the good phone he has to buy the unlimited 30 days service.  It's only $60, not bad.  But, I'm wondering can I buy the unlimited card will it work with the shitty phone?  I'm afraid to spend the $60 all at once to find out that I can't.  Does anyone out there know if it's possible? 
This the "shitty phone" I have.


So, a good friend of mine invited me and my booger eaters over to her house on Saturday night to spend the night.  Her boyfriend is going out of town and she doesn't like to be the only adult in the house during the night.  So, we decided we would make it an adult sleepover (minus the pillow fight).
If someone breaks into her house that night, she is shit out of fucking luck.  If I hear one little noise I will be in her closet so fast, she will think someone stole me out of the bed.   There is no way in hell, that I'm going to search that big ass house to find out what the noise came from.  We will be watching Paranormal Activity 4 while I'm there.  EEEKK!!! I love those movies but they do scare the shit out of me!  I will probably end up in the closet anyway with or with out weird noises during the night.  She only has a 3 bedroom house and she has 2 kids too, so she asked do you mind sleeping in my bed with me if I change the sheets. Yah, no problem.  If you can assure me that there aren't any old sex crust on them, then you don't have to change them.  She assured me that there are NONE!  
I will be bringing my own pillow though, I can't handle thinking about sleeping my fair head where someone most likely drooled on it or spooned it between their legs. 

This is basically what I look like while watching a scary movie.

Thanks for reading the random bullshit that I think about.


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Boob Tube

Being a stay home mom I am subjected to watching kids shows.  I don't normally mind, it keeps the booger eaters quiet for a while.  I actually like a few, one of my favorites is SpongeBob.  I know many people who don't like that show.  But, I love it!  I find it funny and I've learned that blowing bubbles can be fun.  I'm dead set on finding out the secret formula to the Crabby Patty.

I also like Little Bear, my favorite character on that show is "Duck" she is freaking funny.  I love air headed people and talking animals.  The friendship between Little Bear and Emily scares me a bit, am I the only one who thinks they are way too close?

Bubble Guppies keeps me occupied, Deema is the best.  She is spunky!  I can't help but sing along to all the songs.  I've also learned most of the dance moves.

I'm not even going to start on Yo Gabba Gabba.. "DJ Lance Rock" yep something wrong with that man right there!

Dino Dan,  first let me say, he needs a new haircut.  Second, get that boy some meds, cause he's hallucinating!  If my kid was that obsessed with dinos, I would be taking him to a shrink.  "My crazy haired boy says he sees dinosaurs, please help!"  The show I would love to see is when of those imaginary dino's gobbles up that nerd!

Max and Ruby, where to I start with that show?  I think Ruby is a bitch!!!  And where the hell are the parents?  Yes, they have a Grandma, but she doesn't live with them.  I like shows that teach my kids to listen to their parents.  My kids have asked, "Where are their parents at?"  I replied, they left cause Ruby is a bossy little bunny!  What gets me is, she is always bossing Max around and she never lets him get a word in edge wise. But, at the end of the show it's Max who is always right!  She needs to just shut her furry little mouth and let him take over.

Peppa Pig is an okay show, I like when they all laugh they have to fall on the ground!  That looks like a fun family to live in.  Peppa is always making fun of how fat Daddy Pig is and she never gets in trouble for it.  If I even mention to Chris that he's getting man boobs, he gets all bent out of shape.

What kid shows drive you crazy? Which one's do you actually like to watch?

Thanks for reading

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Monday, February 4, 2013

A Night in a Tent

When we moved I signed my daughter up for Girl Scouts, hoping it will bring her out of her shell and help her make friends and I could use some new friends too!

Emilie’s Girl Scout Troop went on their first camping trip for the year over the weekend.  They were leaving on Friday night and returning on Sunday afternoon.  I really wanted to go so I could spend some time with Emilie without Andrew trying to crawl up my butt.

Although, three things about this trip made me very nervous about going.

First, I haven’t been camping since I was at least 12 years old.  This camping trip with the Girl Scouts would require us to sleep in tents!  I’ve only slept in a tent once in my life.  We would go camping as a child, well what my dad considered camping.  The first time we used a tent.  After 2 long hours of my dad bitching and throwing tent poles around, when he couldn’t figure out how to put the thing up.  Needless to say that was the last time we used a tent.  My dad purchased one of those pop up campers after that year.  Our camping as a family required that my mom had to have a small TV so she can watch “her shows.”

Camping with Girl Scouts I knew was going to be very different from what I was used to 20 years ago.

My second concern was it was going to be cold.  Not only do I not like to camp but I hate to be cold! I mean HATE!!!  I know anyone reading this who lives where it actually snows is laughing at me when I say sleeping outside when it’s 40 degree’s is freaking torture for me.

The final and most important thing that made me nervous about going was leaving my little man.  Andrew and I have been together for the past 3 years 24/7!  The only other time I spent the night without him was when he was born and I was discharged from the hospital before he was.

With all of those things in mind, I decided that I would let Emilie go on Friday night and I would meet up with them at the campsite on Saturday and then spend one night.  I could deal with one night away in a cold ass tent!

This means, Andrew would have to stay home with Daddy all day and night without Mommy!  Chris has never had to stay with Andrew alone for more than a few hours.  Yep, I was worried about that too.

Not sure if Chris was nervous, if he was he never showed it.  In the past when I would complain about a shitty day at home with a toddler he would of course say.  “Then you can get a job and I will stay home, I would love that.” I would always respond, “You wouldn’t make it two whole days, if that.”

Before the camping weekend came upon us, I would talk about it to Andrew, so he wouldn’t freak out too much when I left.  I talked it up, how much fun he would have with Daddy. “He will give you candy and popcorn and you can take baths all day long if you want.”  Haha, I didn’t mention any of this to Chris.

The camping trip was located in a huge park where many, many people go camping.  When we first arrived, Andrew spotted a huge playground, and bugged us to go there and play.
We finally arrive at the campsite and I get out of the car and open Andrew’s door to say goodbye.  Then the tears started, not mine like I thought they would, it was Andrew.  He was freaking out like I knew he would.  I could see it in Chris’ face. He was starting to get worried; I was leaving him with a very upset 3 year old.  Then he remembered what works best with a toddler.  Bribery!  “Andrew, let’s go to the playground.”  That worked, the tears stopped.  I looked at Chris with a raised eyebrow.  He knew what I was thinking. Chris hates going to playgrounds.  I said my goodbyes and kissed my men goodbye until morning.   I knew I would hear from Chris sometime between 10 minutes and 10 hours.

Emilie was very excited to see me; she actually gave me a hug. She normally only gives hugs when she is asked for them.  The other mother’s eventually told me the nightmare they had the night before.  In between 6 year old’s peeing on them selves and their tent mates sleeping bags and a box of Cheez-its.  It was freezing cold, and no one got any sleep. That story did not help my anxiety.  I dreaded when the sun would go down.  We had a fun day and the evening was full of Mama Drama!  I won’t share that info on here, but it amused me of course!   Before bed time came, I got the dreaded call from Chris, pissed off Chris.  I’ve told “Pissed off Chris” never to call me and I put my number on the “Do Not Call list.”

I was able to talk to my little man on the phone.
Aww, he misses me!  I asked how his day was at the park, that one little question dried up his tears and proceeded to tell him all about it.  I assured him I would be home after he woke up in the morning.
Lucky for me, that night was no where as cold as the night before! YES!!!
I barely got any sleep that night though, I heard lots of noises out side our flimsy tent that scared the shit out of me.   Footsteps, screeching from some kind of animal, and I swear I heard a coyote.  My tent mate assured me that we will be just fine. I didn't take her word for it, I think I got 3 hours of sleep! What the hell did she know, she slept the whole time, while my bugged eyes stared at the top of the tent waiting for Bigfoot  to rip that sucker down!

Morning finally came and we packed up and left.

I was so excited to see Andrew, I swear he couldn’t get into my arms fast enough and we gave each other the biggest hug ever.

“So,  how’d it go with you guys last night.”  I asked Chris.
This is what he said and I will always remember these words:

“I don’t know how you do it.  I felt like a slave, he constantly wanted something.  He drove me crazy!  There is NO WAY I could be a stay at home Dad.”

I grinned from ear to ear.  Those were the sweetest words he’s ever spoken to me.  I wanted to take him right there right then. (But I didn’t)

I actually had a good weekend, now that I know that my men can actually do it with out me.  I think Emilie and I need to plan a trip to a nice hotel somewhere in a big city away from critters and dirt!

Thanks for reading,

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