Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Tales from the Trailer Park Chaper 6: Dear ole' Dad

Welcome to the Tales from the Trailer Park, if you're new here you can catch up by clicking the sign below.

If you're caught up on this series I've told you before both my parents were older.  My dad was 55 years old when I was born.  I was his 3rd child, he had 2 other children from a previous marriage.

I told you a few stories about my Mom last week, I thought I would tell you few things about my dad.
He was a pure bred Italian, with an attitude to match!  I think that's where I got it from.  Actually, I know that's where I got it from.

So, you know I grew up in a trailer and we had a kick ass pool in the backyard.  I think I was around 12 years old and a freaking tornado hit our house.  One minute we were outside playing and the next minute my mom was screaming at us to come in the house.  I remember it getting really windy outside, what kid doesn't like to play outside in the wind and pretend to be flying.  Just me?  I still love being outside when it's windy.  All that hair blowing makes me feel pretty.  Anyway, we came inside and we were instructed to get into the hallway.  I remember hearing the wind and shit making screeching noises and that's about it.  It only took a few minutes and we were back outside.  We noticed that the damn tornado took half our roof with it.  Well, it didn't take it too far just hanging off the back of the house.  It pulled our antenna damn near off the house as well.  After careful consideration from my dad he realized that the freak of nature didn't do enough of damage.  With help from my half brother they proceeded to pull the antenna off the house and "made" it land into our pool!  I had no idea what the hell he was doing, until later.  Yep, you guessed it, he wanted more money from the insurance people.  I think that was about the time we got cable.  Sweet!!!! - Although, we had to say goodbye to the pool.  He never replaced it.


I can never remember my dad working. So, while mom was working he was home taking care of us.  He was a typical bored retired man.  He was so bored he bitched about anything and everything that caught his attention.  The top 2 things he would bitch about. One, if you dare did more than one load of laundry a day.
He would go ape shit if he found out, and let me tell you what.. he was home and bored so he noticed. The next thing was if you ripped a paper towel off the roll and left a wet mark on the towel next in line.  I never understood why that bothered him so much.


I always wondered why my dad never did the dishes when I was younger.  My mom taught Shawn and I how to wash and dry and work together to get this task done.  My dad bought my mom a dishwasher one year.  It was a weird one though, it was some kind of portable dishwasher and you had to hook a tube to the sinks faucet.  I think he let her use it once!  Anyway, in my late teen years my dad decided to start pitching in and do some house work.  He would wash the dishes after dinner and then about an hour later, I noticed my mom doing the same dishes over again.  I inquired and found out that there was a reason why dad didn't do dishes.  It wasn't because he was lazy or felt it was a woman's job.  He freaking sucked at it!
What I found out was, my dad only washed the part of the plate that the food was on.  He said,  "We don't eat on the bottom or the sides of the plate, why should I clean them."  
Then, I watched him one day and holy crap he didn't wash those area's of the plates and he decided that soap was not needed if you just used really hot water.   Mom finally put her foot down and forbid him to ever do dishes again. 

This is a pic of Mom & Dad 1997

Angelo Fischkelta - 1998
Honor Fischkelta -  2011

Thanks for reading

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Freaky Fetish

A friend told me about this, and a friend told her.  It's these postings on Craigslist, that are way beyond selling a bed or grandpa's old rock collection.    These are real postings from real people who have what I would call odd sexual requests and fetishes.  Who am I to say that these are odd?  Obviously, I'm a bit vanilla or have been living under a boulder.

Initially, I wanted to copy and paste the actual postings on my blog.  After some research I think it's not allowed and damn if I want to be sued by that website.  So what I'm going to do is, in my own words list fetishes I never knew existed and shit I would never do.

1.   When Chris gets home from work I have absolutely no desire to take off his work boots and sniff and suck on his sweaty stinky toes!

2.  I'm not sure why watching someone pissing and shitting themselves is a turn-on. But this lady is "dying" to host a party!

3.  The word smother scares the shit out of me.  Even when being tickled too much I lose my breath and feel like I might die. So, the thought of someone smothering me with their toes, feet and sitting on my face, I can tell you I will freak the fuck out!

4.  A guy who says his fetish is watching someone clean his house and do is laundry with no nudity or sex.
  I call bullshit! That's not a fetish that's a lazy asshole!

5.  I almost projectile vomited when I read that a man is looking for a woman, any women married or single to visit him during her menstrual cycle.  He will not have intercourse only give her oral!

6.  When you think of playing a video game do you also think of getting "slammed" from behind?  Um, me either!  This guys is looking for a woman who will play Super Mario Brothers and who can also fake an orgasm while he's busy from behind.  He is very specific about what will happen at the end of each level!  WTF!!

7.  What does it mean if a man only wants foreplay and insists that there will be no sex?  Is he really a man? Is he so big he hasn't seen his winky dink in years?  Ugh. I'm grossing myself out!

8.  I thought men did their personal deed alone.  I guess I'm wrong though.  I'm seeing many, many ad's who want to be watched while do this to themselves.  They don't want the other person to touch them or even talk just to watch.

9.  I would call this abuse.  Apparently some people consider this a foot fetish.  A man looking for a person who will kick and trample on him with bare feet.  Oh and he also mentioned that he can be used as a toilet!

10.  I believe this gentleman has Mommy issues!  He's looking for an older woman (didn't specify age) who will bath, breastfeed and tuck him in.

I'm a pretty open minded person.  Although, a few of them grossed me out but I was really shocked to read some of these.  The one's listed above are no where near all of them posted. There are hundreds of them.
I know we've all heard of a golden shower, that one is mild compared to what some people are doing now-a-days.

I read these to Chris and thank god, he thought they were all weird!  Well except for #4!

Thanks for reading and I hope you got a good laugh out of this.