Saturday, April 27, 2013

One Hundred & One Year

Today I am celebrating my 100th blog post here at Bad Word Mama. I've thought long and hard (yep, I snickered when I wrote that) about what the hell would I write about and I decided to give you 100 facts about myself.  I have always been an open book to anyone, although I don't like to talk about myself.  If anyone asks me a question I will tell them and I will tell the truth no matter how embarrassing the question may be.  I've given a lot of facts about myself on this blog thanks to all the awards I've won. You may see some of those facts here because truthfully I'm too damn lazy to go look back at those posts to see what I've written already. The facts will not be in order so I hope don't get too dizzy. I hope I can come up with 100 facts about myself with out boring you to death. Some may be consider T.M.I,  sorry in advance. 

  1. My full name is Ellen Honor Fischkelta,  Honor was my Mom's first name. Honor is also my daughters middle name. 
  2. Did I mention that I hate my name, it's an old ladies name. 
  3. I am going to be 39 years old in May. (son-a-va-bitch)
  4. I am a true Gemini, I'm freaking fickle and I really do have a spit personality.  I haven't been diagnosed with one, but people who know me would definitely agree with me.  
  5. I think Adam Sandler is sexy.  Not in a physical way, I love his sense of humor I think it's really sexy.  
  6. When I was a young I used to put maxi pads on the bottom of my bare feet and climb trees. 
  7. I sound like an elephant when I sneeze.
  8. I laugh very, very hard when someone falls down.
  9. I have a soft spot in my heart for old people.
  10. My daughter has an attitude just like me!
  11. I can watch Duck Dynasty everyday all day
  12. I hate my fucking computer, the computer screen goes white like every 30 seconds. (Damn you asshole Dell)
  13. I watched both my parents die.
  14. I almost died while having my daughter.
  15. I'm addicted to Dr. Pepper.. or Dr. Thunder when I'm broke.
  16. Most days I don't get out of my pajamas.
  17. Before Chris and I started dating I was in a relationship for 10 years with another guy.
  18. I hated high school and used to skip school at least twice a week.
  19. I firmly believe men and women can not be friends. Unless one or both are gay. 
  20. I believe in God, but I don't go to church.
  21. Politics confuse the shit out of me.
  22. My favorite verb is Fuck.
  23. I can't wait to go through menopause.
  24. I had a miscarriage last year. 
  25. I have a big problem telling people no! Unless it's Chris asking for sex.
  26. I care what people think too much. 
  27. I read 2 to 3 books a week.
  28. My best friend took her own life in 2001.
  29. I hate to cook
  30. I love to clean
  31. I have to go to a laundry mat to do laundry.
  32. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment that is way too fucking small.
  33. I smoke too much.
  34. I used to smoke pot when I was in high school.
  35. Don't ever use scissiors when trimming your lady garden. (TRUST ME)
  36. I can't sleep when my leg hairs get too long and rubs up against the sheets.
  37. My first job was at Burger King and I worked there for 4 years.
  38. I was in a car accident in 1995, ended up with a 4 inch scar down the side of my face. People always think it's a pillow mark, like I just woke up. 
  39. My sister and I didn't get along until after our Dad died.
  40. My favorite adjective is Fuck.
  41. I do tons of favors for everyone, but I don't ask favors of anyone else.
  42. I hate to drive on the interstate.
  43. I don't get enough sleep at night because I read too long.
  44. I'm having a really hard time with this list.
  45. I used to have a boss who hated me and tried to get me to quit and I told him to fuck off!  He ended up quiting soon after. HA! Suck it ass-licker!
  46. One of my favorite sayings is: "Suck it up."
  47. I hate the word Pussy. It has too many "S's" in it, sounds too juicy.
  48. You can call me anything but a "fucking bitch."
  49. I hate when people roll their eyes too much. 
  50. Thanks to this blog, I've found the real Ellen and let her come out and play.
  51. I choose my battles when it comes to people and their opinions.
  52. I have horrible genes, I'm gonna be a wrinkled mess in 10 years.
  53. I really, really want to win the lottery!!
  54. When I hear that someone is having money problems, I want to help them so much, but then I remember I'm having money problems too.
  55. I'm writing 2 books at the same time.
  56. I can't stand when people can't laugh at themselves.
  57. I want arms like Kelly Ripa.
  58. I have OCD when it comes to the doors being locked. 
  59. Holy shit this is taking forever!
  60. Chris and I don't sleep in the same room because he snores way too much. I feel bad about it too. Until, it's bed time. 
  61. My favorite number is 5. 
  62. I love exploring new areas.
  63. I love scary movies, but I watch them through my fingers.
  64. I believe in ghosts.
  65. I don't believe when someone commits suicide that they go to Hell. I believe that have to come back and face the same trial and tribulations in the next life.
  66. I love the show Long Island Medium.
  67. I've had my dead parents and best friend visit me in dreams to let me know that they are okay.
  68. I want to be a famous writer.
  69. Not a fan of this number. Ha-Ha!
  70. I would love for my blog to go viral. Not sure what that means, but if I can get paid for it. Sign me up!
  71. I used to be on anxiety meds and quit when I was pregnant with our 3rd baby before I had a miscarriage.  I really need to go back on them.
  72. I feel like I live in a little bubble and I love it.
  73. I have a strict schedule for my kids and I hate it when it gets screwed up.
  74. I would dump Chris for Tatum Channing or Matthew McConaughey.
  75. I just had to Google Matthew's last name because I can never remember how to spell it. 
  76. I HATE fake people! And I can see right through their little facade.
  77. Uncle Si on Duck Dynasty is my favorite. "Jack!"
  78. I used to read inspirational quotes, but then I realized that they don't inspire me.  Funny shit inspires me. 
  79. I have a horrible time finding sunglasses. My face is too skinny and my nose is too big. 
  80. I spend way too much time thinking about my writing projects and not enough time writing them. 
  81. I'm really starting to think I live the fucking 'hood!  (I have another blog post about that coming up.)
  82. I hate liars.
  83. I don't get along well with mothers who think their kids do no wrong! I say BULLSHIT!! I just saw that little sucker eat a fucking booger!
  84. I like to tell people I say what's on my mind. But, that's not the whole truth, I bite my tongue a lot!
  85. I love Tosh.O!  I think he is hilarious! I love everything that comes out of his mouth. How is it okay for him to say all the shit he says but god for bid a blogger does!! SCREW YOU T.V.  stars!!
  86. I have more blogger friends than real ones. 
  87. I hate being late for an anything! 
  88. I'm not a fan of Adam Levine's talking voice, but I love his singing voice. 
  89. There is never a time or place to act serious! I like to joke and have fun all the time. 
  90. I can read something heartfelt and turn it around to something foul or sexual. I think that can be considered a talent?
  91. Coffee makes me poop.
  92. Kids annoy the shit out of me. Yes, including my own!
  93. I know the secret on how to understand a man! A) Shut the fuck up. B) What a women says is what a man hears, nothing else! C) They like naked women. 
  94. My feelings don't get hurt easily. Which I find weird, because I care what people think. Maybe that's the Gemini in me. 
  95. Thanks to my daughter, I'm learning 3rd grade multiplication all over again. 
  96. When I get really pissed off I punch things and like to break other people's shit. 
  97. When I read a book or watch a movie, I don't critique it. I dive right into the story and enjoy every bit. 
  98. I'm not a fan of sweet stuff. Unless, it's donuts! YUM. 
  99. There is one blogger friend I've met since I started blogging who has been my biggest cheerleader who likes me for who I am. Inspite of all the bad words I say. (you know who you are)
  100. I never take anything for granted. I've learned to live without a lot of things I thought I could NEVER live without.

Not only is this my 100th blog post. I'm also celebrating my 1 year anniversary of starting this blog.  I started it on April 27, 2012!

I hope I didn't bore you too much.  I don't blame you if you just skimmed this list. I probably would have done the same thing. It took me like 3 fucking days to complete this post!  I was bored after fact #23. 

Thank you from the bottom of my bitchy-frozen-ass heart for supporting me and reading my blog.


Friday, April 26, 2013

Playing Patience

Sometimes all you need is Patience.

Life’s been hard for Zeke. Being a punching bag for his alcoholic father has turned him into stone. Not even the dodgy trailer park he lives in can scare him. Fighting is his release and sex, drugs, and his guitar bring him peace, but deep down Zeke isn’t quite as hard as he makes himself out to be. When he meets Patience, she finds all his broken pieces and puts him back together, but she’s a ray of light in his shadowed life and the last thing he wants to do is bring her into his dark world. Playing careless is easy, playing the bad guy can be fun, but playing Patience is impossible, especially when she can see right through him.

Zeke isn’t the only one who’s broken, and for the first time, in a long time, Patience feels alive. Her black and white world gets a shot of color when she meets Zeke. He’s unlike anyone she’s ever met with his tattoos, piercings, and blunt honesty. She wants nothing more than to let go and ride the wild side with him, but some wounds never heal and the broken pieces of Patience aren’t so easy to find.

***Warning: this book contains graphic language, sex, and violence. Mature readers only. Not intended for young adult readers.***

Tabatha's been writing since she could pick up a pencil. Her first publication was a little poem in her elementary school paper, from that point on she was hooked. When she was a teenager, she traded in her girly magazines for personalized writing notebooks.

At nineteen, she met her own personal prince charming and writing took a back burner for a while. She's now married to that prince and the mother of a beautiful seven-year-old princess/rock star. Once her daughter was born, writing came back into her life, and she finished her very first novel, Wicked Fate, in May of 2009.

She's now pursuing her English degree and she hopes to one day teach while continuing to write.

Links that you can stalk her at

If you would like to read a little bit of Playing Patience, click this link..READ HERE!

Tabitha has an amazing contest going on..

Up for grabs!
      A signed copy of Wicked Fate
      A signed copy of On the Plus Side
      A signed copy of Playing Patience
      A Playing Patience tote bag
      A Playing Patience t-shirt
      AND A KINDLE! 

Here it is.. It's released today! You can download your Kindle version right here
I can't wait to dive into this book!

Thanks for reading and go buy this book!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

No Potty break for a Mommy!

During the day I'm home with my 3 year old son and a 2 year old little girl I watch.
I will refer to my son as (3) and the little girl (2)

This is incident lasted a whole 5 minutes.. if that long!!

By the way we only have one bathroom in our apartment.

3:  Mommy I have to pee.
Me:  Can't you wait a minute? Mommy is going poop.
3:  Can I go pee in the garbage can in the kitchen?
Me:  What the hell! No!!!! Don't pee in there, just wait a minute.

2:  Ellen can I get a toy?
Me:  Yes, you can get a toy, you don't have to ask me to get a toy.

I hear 4 little feet running up and down the hallway, obviously waiting for me to finish. 
Then the screaming starts.

3:  She tried to hug me!
Me:  Dammit no hugging and quit the screaming!


Me:  Oh my god really, can't I just take a shit with out you bugging me every 2 seconds?
3:  Mommy, where is my iPhone?
Me:  Umm.. you don't have an iPhone you are 3 years old.
3:  Where is your phone?
Me:  I have it.


2:  Ellen, Andrew said my name.
Me:  So? He isn't allowed to say your name?
2:  No!  I don't like when he says my name.
Me:  Please go find something to do.


3:  Why do you have your phone when you are pooping?
Me:  I'm reading, leave me alone.
3:  I thought you were pooping?
Me:  Holy shit, this is ridiculous!! $#%^*((&^%%*((&$#@#@#!!!!!!!!!


Adventure Into Domesticland

Monday, April 22, 2013

Weekend full of fun and a bank robbery..

Hey there all, I gotcha in here didn't I?  You read something about a bank robbery didn't you? Well, I won't lie to you.. not too much.  I had quite the weekend and yes it did include a bank robbery. I didn't rob the bank, not like I haven't thought about it, but I know damn well I would never get away with it. I'm hate running!

My friend, Kyley and I went out of town this weekend, when I say out of town I really mean a half hour away. Far enough away, but not too close that the kids didn't ask every 10 freaking seconds "how much longer until we get there?"
Yes, we brought our kids and left our men at home.  Yes, I know IDIOTS!!

FRIDAY - Big storm here, wind blowing rain pounded against our windows. Nothing out of the ordinary.

SATURDAY A.M. -  Chris had to go to work for a bit, after he left he called and asked if I had a problem with the door locks the day before.  Nope, no problem here I answered.  I got my key and opened the front door to inspect the locks.  I really had no idea what the hell to look for but I took a shot at it.  Holy F'ing Shit!!!
The dead bolt lock and the handle lock had definitely been messed with. I couldn't even get my key into the deadbolt lock.  It looked like someone was jamming something in those holes and tearing that shit up.
(Haha, that sounded really dirty)
So yep, someone definitely was trying to get in here. I don't know what the fuck they are looking for we have NOTHING of value! We sold everything when we moved for money.  But, it still scared the shit out of me.

SATURDAY MID MORNING -  Packed and ready to go, Kyley picks up me and the kids and we make our way. Although, Kyley had to stop at the bank before we go to the beach.  I sit in the car with all the kids while she goes into the bank.  She comes out a few minutes later and states that there was a weird fucking man in that bank.  She was at the teller window and a man came up behind her breathing down her neck. Seriously, everyone knows correct bank etiquette!  She proceeded to tell me what she heard and saw and how uncomfortable she felt.  I was intrigued so I looked behind me to see the bank door and I saw a man come out in a jacket and a baseball cap.  I asked her "Is that the guy?"  She responded "Yes."  I asked if he took his baseball cap off while he was inside and she said no.  Everyone knows that most banks make you take off your hat and sunglasses when you come in.  We watched the man, cross the parking lot and the street.  He didn't run but he wasn't walking slowly. I noticed that the man never took his right hand out of his pocket.   Putting it behind us, we left for our mini vacation.
Here is an actual photo from a news website. (
Look at the left picture you will see a person in the background. That's my friend!!

A few minutes later Chris called me while he was on his way home from work.  I told him that the locks on our front door were in fact jacked up and to call the apartment place office and to tell them to change our locks ASAP.  He agreed and then proceeded to tell me that the bank by our house looked like it was robbed. There were cops everywhere including helicopter.  I looked at Kyley while she drove.
"Holy shit! Oh my God! Are you kidding me?" I yelled to Chris on the phone.
Kyley said, "What the hell happened?"
"The bank you were just at was robbed."
I told Chris what had just happened to us or Kyley at the bank.
We were both freaking out, that a bank was being robbed while she was walking out the damn door.
Kyley, decided that she would call the bank and let them know that she saw the guy leave and what direction he went in.  She called and the person who answered the phone said that he remembered her and she left at the perfect time. She told them what she knew and they thanked her and told her that they already had someone following the guy.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON - Finally made it to the hotel and the sky looks like it's going to dump some wet shit right on top of us.  Man, this suck!  The hotel is actually a resort,which includes restaurants, bars and a huge pool with a kiddie area.

This is part of the Kid's area.
(That's not my kid in the photo)

This is my kid, riding a whale. 

I keep forgetting that you can get sunburned even when the sun doesn't make an appearance. You would think someone who grew up in Florida would remember that. Nope.. every time I forget.  

We finally corralled the kids out of the pools and got them dressed to go out on the town. Haha! Yah right.
But, we did some shopping at Ron Jon's Surf Shop and some other little shops in the area. 

Shopping Trip - Cool fish tank. See the shark back there?

The last time I had talked to Chris was around 3:30 that afternoon.  I called him around 8:30 or so to tell him goodnight and he didn't answer, I called and called.  I texted him and let him know to call me. No answer. I found it odd because like everyone else his phone is with him at all times.  I texted him again and told him that I was worried because of our door/lock situation, I told him that I would call the cops to check on him if he didn't call me in 5 minutes.  So, 20 minutes went by and no word.  I decided to call the non-emergency number and see if they could check on him.  I felt like an idiot, but all kinds of crazy shit was going through my head.  Shit, I don't even want to type.  Anyway, 15 minutes later, my phone rings and it's Chris.
"Why the hell did you call the cops?" he asked.
"I was worried about you and you weren't answering your phone."
He ended up dropping his phone inside his recliner.  
He didn't think it was too funny, he was sound asleep and freaked out when he saw a cop at the door.
The officer made him walk all the way outside to the patrol car to verify his identity and to make sure he wasn't being held hostage. Well, I think that's why he had to go outside.  I couldn't help to giggle while he bitched about being woke up. 
But, I felt better and had a good night sleep. 

Thanks for reading

Forgot to mention above, the bank robber guy was caught on Sunday!