How many of you lie to your children?
Well, I do.. and I do it damn near everyday. I'm not proud, it's just something I have to do. I have to do it for many reasons. My daughter who is 9 years old likes to lie to me about stupid things. She never used to lie, she was the most honest person I've ever met. She's hitting that age, where she doesn't like to do certain things, so when I ask her about it she will lie. My 3 year old is learning from his sister now!
Here are some of the lies I will tell my children, to either get them to do what they need to do, or to shut the hell up!
Chuck E. Cheese is not open on Saturday or Sunday
McDonald's is out of French Fries today.
Uh-Oh, I hope lightning won't strike you.
Mommy doesn't have any money today.
Sure, we can go toy shopping on Tuesday. (This is said to my son who only knows one day of the week, but doesn't actually know when it is Tuesday)
Spiderman loves to eat vegetables
Your teacher sent me an email __________ (I fill in the blank with whatever fits at that time.)
If you drink too much soda, you won't grow up to be big like Mommy and Daddy.
If you swear on Mom-Mom's grave and you lie that means she will be taken from Heaven and brought to Hell. Do you want that? (Mom-Mom is my mom who died 2 years ago)
No you may not come outside while Mommy smokes, there are huge bugs out here.
You will make Mommy's heart break if you lie.
Your eyes turn black when you tell a lie, and I'm the only one who can see it.
Well, of course I have eyes in the back of my head. If you try to look for them, they disappear.
(I tell you what, that one works big time. Even my daughter believes me)
If you don't brush your teeth, the Tooth Fairy won't come. She only likes clean teeth.
If you don't take a bath two things will happen: 1. No one will want to be your friend, because you will stink. 2. Worms will come out of your butt.
These are just a few I use, I make them up as I go.
My kids are young enough that they believe all the lies I tell them. And, I'm old enough to know which one's to tell them that will get them to tell me the truth. Yes, most of the time the truth comes out in tears. But, it gets the damn job done!!
I've tried to do the nice Mom conversation with them.
In the best June Cleaver voice I could muster up.
"Honey, you know it's not nice to lie, no one likes someone who lies. You must tell the truth all the time. You will get in trouble more if you lie, than if you just tell me the truth.
Yeah, that shit only lasted during that conversation. Then the next day this happens:
Emilie getting ready for school
"Emilie, your socks looks filthy, did you put on new socks?"
"Yep, I did." she answers confidently while avoiding eye contact.
"Really? Those are clean socks?"
I give her the mom knows all look.
"Yep, their clean." she's sticking to her story.
"Okay, well don't come crying to me, when your teacher locks you in the closet today because your stinky ass feet are annoying your classmates."
"She won't do that." Emilie trying to call my bluff.
"Oh yes she will, she sent me an email telling me the new rule, I didn't tell you cause I thought you wear clean socks everyday." I keep a straight face.
"Umm, Umm." she stutters while I see her eyes fill up with tears.
"Get your butt back in that room and find some clean socks."
Up and off she goes
Mama always knows!!
What lies do you tell your children? I can always use some new ones. And feel free to use any of mine. We need to stick together!!
Thanks for reading