Get out of my way Ellen!

If you read my last post about being positive and all that business, there is a affirmation that I need to say to myself more.  I only think it, I never say it out loud.  What the hell am I afraid of?  Am I afraid to say it out loud because, I feel like the end isn't near?  Because, if I say it I will be held accountable?
I need to be held accountable, everyone should be held accountable if they tell people what their dream is.
Right?

I have it all in my noggin, it's all there but....  Damn that "but" always slips out of my mouth.  I need to stop using that word!  It's me, I'm standing in my way.

I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection.  Yes, I know everyone is afraid of rejection. I don't give a crud, I'm talking about me here!

My dream is possible, attainable, I know it is.  If I close my eyes I can imagine my dream becoming my life.

I'm not sure why it is when I get on my laptop I avoid that little file.  The first think I go to is that blasted Facebook!   It's a file that will change my life as I know it.  I can only hope and dream that it will make my life and my family's life better.


Why can't I find the motivation within myself to just freaking do it!

So, I'm here to tell you all what my dream is, what the 4 word affirmation I need to say to myself everyday.

I need you.. yes you, to  hold me accountable.


I AM A WRITER!


Yes, Yes!! I've said it. Damn that felt so good.  I've actually never written that down before.

Maybe, I don't think of myself as a writer because what I want people to read isn't out there yet.  I'm not a published writer.  I want to be a published writer more than anything.  Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would still want this so bad.

I've been working on a book for over a year.  I have the whole thing already written in my head.  I personally think it is amazing.  I've typed out many, many words. Then I've deleted all those words.  I stopped I decided no, that's not the story I want to write.  For a few months I didn't write, but I never stopped thinking about that story.  So, I started it all over again.  What if I get it all done and then realize I could have made it better by doing this or that?

Okay, I need to just get the hell over it and do what I want to do, NO, what I NEED to do.

Thanks for reading my page of rantings.
xoxo

I can be positive damnit!

When I worked as a Real Estate Agent, our Broker would pound daily affirmations in our head.  Mind you this was the first and only sales job I have had.  (I really sucked at it)  But, I did start to understand why positive thinking and daily affirmations help.  Because, I was such a shitty sales person I needed all the help I could get.   God knows my selling skills didn't help me sell a property.

This quote was used quite often in the Real Estate office. 

Anyway, I left the real estate biz back in 2008 and returned to administrative work, which I absolutely love!
It's been so long since someone reminded me everyday about being positive.   I've really gotten out of the habit of doing affirmations.  I really try to stay a positive person, but shit happens and it just pisses me off and puts me in a bad fucking mood!

You know how when a bad thing happens and it just sets you off?  It seems like after that EVERYTHING goes wrong.  Well, I know it happens to me a lot.  Are we sending negative energy out in the universe when that one little shitty thing happens?

I some how stumbled across this website and they are talking about positive thinking and affirmations.

The article states when you get in a foul mood you say things like "I'm so stressed, "Why do things have to be so hard." those words, phrases and thoughts we are affirming and making this our reality.  So, does this mean I can't bitch about anything anymore?  And, if I do, I'm telling the universe to send all the bullshit my way?  UGH!!
So at the end of the article the writer challenges her readers to change their language, instead of saying and thinking negatively to think positive. Okay, I will bite.. I will try this challenge for one week.  Starting now...
So, now that I've read this article I had planned on telling you what I've been up to in the past week or so, guess I will have to spin it around and tell you without sounding negative or bitchy.  This should be interesting..

THE LAST WEEK IN MY AMAZING LIFE..

I've been open and honest in my most of my posts about my life and our financial situation.  Things happen in life, bad decisions are sometimes made and we all have to live with our choices and consequences.
We got behind on our car payment a while back, we tried working with them some (not as much as we should).  Before moving to the town we are in now, my car broke and we were left with one vehicle.  The same vehicle that we were behind on the payments.  I woke up Saturday morning and went outside for my morning cigarette with my coffee and I looked out into the parking lot and noticed our truck wasn't in the the usual spot. I had drove it the night before to go the laundry mat and I remember exactly where I parked it.  I started to get freaked out, I opened the front door and poked my head in, "Chris, please tell me you moved the truck this morning?"  I asked with a tremble to my voice.  His expression showed me that he did not move the truck.  Yep, you guessed it, it finally all caught up with us. The truck was re-possessed!! It's that just dandy? (not being negative)  Can't think of anything better than, not having to look over our shoulder anymore for tow trucks following us.  Oh, and that pesky cost of gas!  Long story short or a little shorter...
I have a friend who has a friend who was selling her old 2000 Saturn and she offered it to us for $200.  I was super excited about it. The car looked in great condition and it's a very good price.  So of course we couldn't refuse.  We were waiting for the title to come from Michigan for a few weeks.  We were going to put the new car in my name.  The strangest thing happened, the title finally came in Thursday and our truck was repo'd on Saturday night.  Thankfully, it didn't leave us with out a vehicle!  THANK GOD!
I'm actually happy it happened that way, to register a vehicle and transfer a title in Florida is pretty high, we were going to have to pay around $300 or so.  Now that Chris no longer has a vehicle we just transferred his tag onto the new car, less than $100! YAY.

Let me tell you about my new car...

So, when you buy a car for $200 you basically get a car with constant heat, I'm not complaining that their isn't air in the car.. Nope not me.  A bonus, I get to climb out the window like the Dukes of Hazzard, because the driver side door doesn't open!  I won't call myself Daisy for sure but I will call myself her slightly older Aunt, who wears capri's.
Because, the car is much smaller than our Ford Explorer, gas mileage will be much better. Last night while driving to pick up Chris from work, I was blessed with a message right there on my dash.  I changed the words a bit, I interpret them as "I Love Life."  Some people, well negative people would probably read it as "Service Engine Soon."  I don't this week, because this is my positive challenge week.  I don't think I would be any happier even if I won the lottery, I'm living the freaking dream right now! (((cleansing breath)))

So, that's what's been going on in my life in the past week.
Thankfully, I read that "Positive" article before I wrote my own post, no one had to listen to me bitch.

Below is the link to the article I read if anyone else wants to take the same challenge.


Thanks for reading.
xoxo

POSITIVELY POSITIVE

Hopeless

Some of you who know me, know I love to read. Other's who don't.. well there you go I love to read.  I actually hadn't started reading novels until I picked up the Twilight series.  I was a new stay at home mom with an infant and after months I started to become quite bored.  I've worked since I was 16 years old.  And I had my last baby when I was 35.  So, I was bored and all this hype was going on about this Twilight story. My best friend Amber had all of the books and she said I could borrow them from her. When she lugged in 4 huge books I almost fell over.  "Are you serious, I haven't read that many books in my entire life."

I love a challenge so I jumped right in.  That was three years ago, and I haven't been seen without a book since.  I read so much while I was home with my newborn, I didn't get shit done.

Lately, I only read at night or when I'm giving Andrew a nap.  Since I figured out that you can read books from your cell phone.. Well, I'll be damned, that shit is for me and it's cheaper.  It's all down hill from there. I HAVE to read every single night before I fall asleep.  (I used to be addicted to the T.V.)  I've read all kinds of books.  Love stories, mysteries, horror and true stories.

I don't know if it's because I read so much, or because I love to write as well, I can usually figure out the end of the book many chapters before the book ends.  I give myself a pat on the back when I finish the book and it's the ending I thought it would be.  At the same time, I'm a little disappointed because I was able to figure it out.  I love to be surprised. Yes, I even read the 50 Shades Trilogy and loved all three of them, but I was able to predict the ending way before it ended.  Many, many parts of that story did shock the hell out of me though!!

This blog is inspired by the book I just read.  I seriously could not put it down.  I even read it during the day and got nothing done all damn day.  But, it was so damn worth it.

I'm recommending the book:  Hopeless by: Colleen Hoover

This book is definitely a must read.  It has twists and turns all over the place.  It actually caught me by surprise, which hardly ever happens. Because, this book took my breath away is why I'm recommending it.

Click on the link below to purchase your Kindle version.  It's only $3.99!

Sometimes discovering the truth can leave you more hopeless than believing the lies...

That's what Sky realizes after she meets Dean Holder. A guy with a reputation that rivals her own and an uncanny ability to invoke feelings in her she's never had before. He terrifies her and captivates her all in the span of one encounter, and something about the way he makes her feel sparks buried memories from a past she wishes could just stay buried. 

Sky struggles to keep him at a distance knowing he's nothing but trouble, but Holder insists on learning everything about her. After finally caving to his unwavering pursuit, Sky soon finds that Holder isn't at all who he's been claiming to be. When the secrets he's been keeping are finally revealed, every single facet of Sky's life will change forever.




Hope you all enjoy this book as much as I did.  I will be looking for more books by this author.

xoxo

The Knucklehead's Adventure

The early morning moonlight shining through the blinds, wakes up Mr. Knucklehead.
He grunts and groans out of bed and heads into the kitchen and makes his morning coffee to keep him awake at the early hour of 4:30. Sitting in his old Lazy Boy watching and mocking the news anchor who is getting paid to be up at this hour.

Mrs. Knucklehead and her little Knuckleheads wake from their slumber a few hours after.

Coffee isn't even swallowed by Mrs. Knucklehead when her other half orders them all to get dressed, they will be taking a mystery ride today.

Looking outside, Mrs Knucklehead wonders why her husband wants to venture out on such a rainy cloudy day.  "Let's stay home and do laundry." she suggests.

"No, I want to go today." he barks.

The Knuckleheads drag themselves to get dressed and ready for their day.

All loaded in the car and off in the southern direction, looking for something to do. Something that cost little to no money. Not only were they a family of Knucklehead's they were also very cheap.

The Knuckleheads just moved to this area and haven't even started to discover the little gems that this new land holds.

Little Knuckleheads spot a gigantic playground from the car and squeal for Daddy Knucklehead to pull over so they can run and play.  After, watching the little Knuckleheads, slide, swing, jump and climb for nearly an hour, Mommy and Daddy practically had to drag them back to the car.

Back on the road, they found another place to explore. It turned out to be a huge campground.  Mr. Knucklehead stops the car and goes into the office. After sweet talking the attendant lady they got to explore with an extra $4.00 in their pocket.  Looking at the map, they discover their is an island they can explore.
Jumping out of the car heading for the rickety wooden bridge.

On the other side of the bridge, was the trail they were hoping to explore.  All four excited to start their adventure, they walk a single file line down the dirt path.

They walk and walk, laughing and joking.  Following the trail from one curve to the next. They hear in the background the noise of water.  The Knucklehead's love the water, little Knucklehead's love to play in the water, while Mr. Knucklehead likes to fish and Mrs. Knucklehead sit back and watch her family have fun.

They round the corner and see where the noise is coming from....

All four excited to see that they finally found a place to wander and take pictures. They notice that there are old picnic benches lined up like a make shift dock.  The little Knucklehead's ask if they can have picnic right there in the water.  Even though their name is Knucklehead the answer to that question was definitely NO!

Because of the dreary weather, the water was choppy and loud.  After walking around this area for a few minutes, so Mrs. Knucklehead could take her pictures.  The family moved on to see what else they could find.

Picking back up on their trail, they notice a carpet of pine needles..  Mrs. Knucklehead starts to wonder, how long it's been since anyone has actually ventured into this area.  She kept that thought to herself.

With the roar of the choppy water behind them, and the quiet of the tiny island in front of them.  Sounds of birds all around them.  As they continue on their adventure, they come across part of the trail where bug spray would have been needed. Trying to walk as fast as they could through the tunnel of mosquitoes is when Mr. Knucklehead mentions, "I bet there are Bob Cat's out here."  Luckily the Little's didn't hear him, but Mommy did.. and shh'ed him very quickly.  Mrs. Knucklehead looking behind her every few seconds to make sure she wasn't being stalked.

A few more minutes of walking, they finally reached the other side of the tiny Island. A beautiful tiny beach full of drift wood and shells.  Much more exploring to do right here.

The water was clean and clear, shells everywhere.  The old tree's were beautiful.

Three of the Knucklehead's walked around, searching, exploring and finding shells.
The littlest Knucklehead picked up a pretty shell.. he examined it and screamed.
Seemed he had found a shell with a hermit crab living in it.  He chucked into the water.

While they walked slowly into the water, Mrs. Knucklehead heard a splash in the water and saw a dolphin swimming and chasing his food.  The Knucklehead's stopped and quietly watched the beautiful creature dive up and down through the cool water.

Didn't actually get a picture of the dolphin

The dolphin filled it's belly and the Knucklehead's continued to slosh through the clear water, that's when the littlest Knucklehead through a shell and lost his balance and fell face first into the shallow water.  Shocked and cold he got up and started to cry when he lost his balance and fell yet again. 

Because, of the giggles and laughs Mrs. Knucklehead didn't get a chance to snap a picture of her wet little one. Thanks to unexpected swim, the adventure was coming to an end. 

Back onto the trail, to find their way back to where they started.  This time the journey wasn't filled with laughter and excitement.  This time the walk took much longer due to the little cold and wet Knucklehead whining the whole way.  Back through the tunnel of mosquitoes.. 

 Back to the bridge to a warm towel and a quiet drive home. 

They got home just in time to eat lunch and take the Knucklehead nap.

Thanks for reading my story of how we spent our Saturday morning.

xoxo

Ellen

New Year's Resolution

What I've never understood is why do people make New Year's resolutions?
If you want to make a change, why not do it right then?  Why wait till the calendar say's January 1st?

I am the same way though, and I'm not sure how to answer that question.
Actually, last year I was completely against it.  I didn't make a resolution at all.

This year, I will be making two.  And they aren't the normal kinds of resolutions.  I won't be quitting smoking, or losing weight or eating better.

Resolution number one:
I will be finished with the book that I am writing by this time next year.  And, I mean all done.  I have one year to finish first draft and have a couple of my honest friends read it over for me.

Resolution number two:
I used to coupon... and yes the extreme couponing.  I really did save tons and tons of money.  I haven't couponed in probably 6 months.  Not sure why I quit.  Well, I do, it's because I was too damn lazy to go out on Sunday and buy the newspapers.  I'm sick of going to the store for one tube of toothpaste and paying full price for it.  I was so used to just going into my stock pile cabinet and pulling out one of many I had to choose from.  When I couponed not only did I save money, but I also shared with family and friends.  I really enjoyed doing that.

So, those are my New Year's resolutions this year.

What will your's be?


Thanks for reading.
xoxo