I can get used to this..

Well, looky here... I was nominated yet again for the sweet pink Liebster Award.  Even though this is my 5th time accepting this award, I still love getting them.  It certainly makes my heart swell.  Thank you to Mamma Wild Thing @ Raising Wild Things for thinking of me when she was handing out these awards. I love your blog you make me laugh every time I read it. 

I'm supposed to give you 11 fun facts about myself, I'm not sure I can come up with eleven. I actually find myself and my life quite boring, but I will do my best.  

1.   I'm 38 years old and I have a 3 year old.  I feel like I'm too old to have such a youngster! 

     Although, I wouldn't trade him for anything!

2.  You've probably guessed by the name of my blog, that I curse way too much.  It's just the 

     way I express myself.  Luckily, my kids know never to repeat me. They've said a couple 

     a four letter word here and there, but never what my mom used to call "The big black word."

3.  I love to act goofy with my kids, we dance and sing all the time. 

4.  Chris (my boyfriend of 12 years)  and I don't sleep in the same bedroom. We used to, but his 

     snoring has gotten way out of control and I can't handle that shit anymore. 

5.   Both my parents have passed away and sometimes I feel like an orphan. 

6.   My best friend since I was 17 years old, committed suicide in 2001.  I miss her everyday!

7.   I'm a smart ass!  Almost everything that comes out of my mouth is a joke.  I'm hardly ever

     serious.  Unless, I have my serious face on.  If you've seen it you won't forget it.  

8.  Me and my family moved 3 hours south from our home town 6 months ago, we had a 

     horrible time when we moved.  We are just now getting back on our feet. 

9.  I'm a horrible sales person, although I'm pretty good at manipulating people.

     (Does that even make sense?)

10.  I am working on my first novel, which I've been neglecting for a while.  I need to get

       my ass moving on that sucker.

11.  Well, look at this shit, I actually did eleven facts.  I usually don't like to talk about myself. 

       That last statement is a fact.  :)

Now, since that's out of the way I have to answer 11 questions that Mamma Wild Thing asked me in order to accept this award. 

1.  If you could marry a food, what would it be?   I think that would be Alfredo sauce.  

      I love that stuff, it just makes everything taste better.

2.  Are you a tp folder or crinkler?  I'm a crinkler 

3.  When was the last time you took a shower? Ok, when was the last time before that?

     I really try to take one everyday, so yesterday around 10 am.  If we have nothing planned 

    on Sunday, then I never even get out of my p.j's.

4.  What is one thing you absolutely cannot leave your house without?

     If I'm leaving my house and I'm alone.. which never happens!!  I'm taking my car keys 

    for a quick get away!

5.  Favorite curse word? Why?   Hmm.. I have to choose just one?  EEK.. I say

     "Shit ass bitch" A LOT!  why?  well, people piss me off a lot and I think it sounds funny.  

      I know technically it's 3 words, but not how I say it.  

6.  Caillou or Max & Ruby?  Well.. I would have to say Max & Ruby, only because I like to 

      make fun of them and it makes the kids laugh.  Caillou's voice is creepy to me. 

7.  What is your favorite type of salad dressing?  Italian, love the tangy taste

8.  What bloggers do you make sure to read every day?  Wow, I have many I read. 

     My absolute fav is The Bloggess, that bitch is so damn funny.  Insane in the mom brain,

     Baby Sideburns, Holdin' Holden.  I love when people can make me laugh.  Laughter is 

     so important to me. 

9.  Can you do the robot? Well?   Absolutely NOT!  I am a horrible dancer! End of story. 

10.  If you were shopping to prepare for a big snow storm, what are your must-haves?

       Um.. that would be my house in Florida!  I've only visited N.J once I was 12 years old.  

       I would never, ever, never live in a state where it snowed.  EVER!  LOL

11. Do you have any unusual talents?   I'm not sure how unusual it is.. but I can burp.

      I can burp really, really loud.  Most of the time louder than any man around.  People freak

     out when they hear me.  They can't believe that a 110 pound woman can produce such

     a disgusting, loud sound.  I'm very proud of it!  

I really liked those questions Mamma!  Now, I have to nominate 11 blogs.. Well, I can tell you right now, there is no way I can do 11.  I'm going to nominate 3 that I love to read and hopefully haven't won this award already.  I like showing love and giving support to all bloggers who work so hard.

I have no idea what I'm doing

Mommy in the Midwest

Mother of the Year

Now I'm supposed to give these bloggers 11 of my own questions to answer.  I think I will give them one main question.  But, when you pass this award along to other bloggers you can make up your 11 questions for them.  Make sure that you are awarding this to bloggers with less than 200 followers. 

So here's my question.. are you ready??

Why do you blog?  What is your long term goal with your blog?

I want to thank Mamma Wild Thing again.  I really do love your work and I'm very touched that you follow little ole' me!  I would like everyone who reads this please go visit Mamma at her site, you wont' regret it!

Raising Wild Things

I also want to give a shout out and big THANK YOU to Tasha over at

 New English Mum In America

She also gave me the Liebster award earlier this week.  Please go check out her blog, I 

 love it dearly. 

Alright ya'll it's been fun but I'm out, my little man is yelling at me to wipe his ass! UGH!!

Thanks for reading.

xoxo

-Ellen

Let me see those piggies!

I have an obsession with feet, let's not confuse this with a fetish.  I would consider someone with a foot fetish is those crazy ass people who like to lick, touch and suck toes and feet! UGH!!!

I don't even really like to call my obsession an obsession, I just can't think of a better word.

Here's an example...

I was at a Seafood Festival this weekend, me and my little man were standing on line for a dreaded port-a-potty.  I noticed a man walk up behind me with his son, I looked back and noticed that he was fucking HAWWT!!! Damn!. Yes, I have a boyfriend of 12 years, but I can admire the opposite sex.

After, I examined his beautiful, flawless face, my eyes follow the length of his body to his feet.  Lucky for me he was wearing flip flops.  I was freaking flabbergasted by what I saw.  His toes were funkified, one of his toes was curled up like a cobra, I thought that sucker was about to attack me. A damn shame, I had to stop looking at the hot guy, his feet ruined it for me.

Okay, they didn't look like this.
But, they could have. 

So there you have it, whenever I meet anyone new, I have to see what their feet look like.  I obviously don't ask them to remove their shoes so I can take a peek, but if they are out in plain view, I will look.

Chris and I had been dating a week or so, one day he asked me to come over to his house after he got off work.

I personally, thought he was handsome enough, but I had yet to see his feet.

I showed up at his house and rang the doorbell, he answered the door still in his work uniform and I looked down and saw bare feet.  Oh my, take me now!  He has the most beautiful feet. His toes are perfectly placed and asymmetrical.  His toenails were clean and well groomed.  I do believe that was the moment I fell in love with him and I wanted him to be the father of my future children.

I've always hated my feet, my Mom had the ugliest feet I've ever seen.  My feet don't look exactly like her's, but I do see some similarity. I don't like my feet they are somehow long and wide. My toes are skinny. ICK!

So, this maybe the reason why I check out everyone else's feet.  Who knows.. I'm not a shrink.

Anyway, I was in ICU after giving birth to my daughter (I had major problems with my C-section) I woke up and saw Chris sitting beside me.  After dry heaving for 5 minutes, I asked Chris.

"Who's feet does she have?"

Chris smiled knowing why I asked this question,  "She has your feet."

"NO!! What the Fuck."  I screamed, getting the attention of all the nurses.
I immediately started to cry.

"I'm just kidding babe, she has my feet." Chris confessed.

"Oh Thank God, and this is not the time to joke about important stuff."  I sniffed.

C'mon on you guys, I did get to see her after she was born for an second, I knew she had all of her fingers, but yeah, I wasn't sure about the toes.
FYI.. both my kids have Chris' feet!  YAY!!

Feet can tell a lot about a person, if they are well groomed and cleaned.  That's all I usually look for but, come to find out there is more to it.  My friend Tasha @ New English Mum in America sent me this article.

Check it out and see what your feet say about you.

Feet reveal the secrets of your character



Thanks for reading.
xoxo

My babies piggies.

What my daughter did to my self esteem

I remember when my sweet little girl would look at me and do nothing but smile with love in her eyes.
Those days are now gone!!

Conversation with my 9 year old daughter, in the car...

Em:  "What are those lines around your mouth?"

Me:  "Those are called laugh lines."

Em:  "Are you sure they aren't called wrinkles?"

Me:  "NOOO.. they are laugh lines!  It shows people that I love to laugh and smile."

I could see her staring at me and my "lines", I started to get very uncomfortable.

Me:  "Why are you staring at me?"

Em:  " I was just wondering, if those lines by your mouth are from smiling, what are the lines on
          your forehead from."

Me:  "Ugh.. those are from....thinking, yes, from thinking so hard."

I can tell by her silence she is thinking about something, I'm kind of afraid what she's going to point out next about me.

Me:  "What are you thinking about?"

Em:  "I'm not thinking and I'm surely not going to smile anymore!"

Me:  "Why not?"

Em:  "I DO NOT want those wrinkles like yours!"

Me:  "They are NOT WRINKLES THEY ARE LINES DAMN IT!!"

Em:  "I thought you use that cream that helps with wrinkles?"

Me:  "I do use that cream Emilie, but it doesn't help with those lines because they are not wrinkles!
         I thought you said  you weren't going to think anymore?"

Em:  "Oh yah, I forgot."

Seriously, after that conversation I got a whole new set of wrinkles.. SHIT.. I mean LINES.

Thanks for reading
xoxo

Liebster Award Winner!!

Holy crapoley.. I won another award!  Thank you to Jacquelyn over at "The Non-Martha Momma."

If you haven't checked out her blog yet.. what are you waiting for click the link above.  OH WAIT.. read my shit below first. 

Seriously, I love her blog she is a great writer and I really enjoy reading about her life and the spin she puts on it. 

So this is the 3rd time I've won this award, I love it cause it's pink and pretty!  

I'm supposed to answer questions that Jacquelyn made up for me.  Then, I have to nominate 11 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers and make up questions for them to answer. 

So.. here are my answers to "The Non-Martha Momma's" questions....

Last movie you saw in the theater? Did you like it? 
I don't go to the movie's often, so the last movie I saw was Breaking Dawn 2. YES. I loved it!

When and why did you start blogging?
I started blogging in April 2012.  I started because basically, I was bored. Stuck at home with a toddler and no car. I've always loved to write and I felt like I had something to say. 

Do you have any pets, how  many, what type, their names?
Me and my family moved from my hometown a few months ago, I brought my Chihuahua Joey with us of course. The first day we were here, he wondered off I freaked the hell out. (I found him not far from home) A couple weeks went by and he just moped around, not playing barely eating.  My best friend's husband came to visit us and go fishing, I asked if he could take Joey back with them and of course he said yes.  They are dog lovers, and I felt so bad for my little old dog who by the way was 12 years old.  When he got back to our old town he was ecstatic!!  My friend called me a couple weeks ago to tell me that they can't find Joey. They live on 4 acres all fenced, so he didn't get out. We think because he was only 5 pounds, that a big bird may have come and swooped him up.  So in my heart I do feel like my little Joey is no longer with us. (Sorry, so long)

Favorite type of food?
I love Italian food.. or anything you can put Alfredo sauce on!!

Book you are reading right now or most recent book read?
I just finished "Take this Regret" by A.L Jackson.  I am starting "Red Flags" by C.C. Brown. 

Year you graduated high school?
1993.. I was supposed to graduate in 92 but me and a friend decided to bring alcohol to school in my sophomore year and we got suspended and I failed that grade.

What kind of car do you drive?
Saturn

Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?
Oh hell yes!  I've never seen one, but I've felt presence and I dream about people who I love who have passed away.  I truly believe that is their spirit coming to tell me something. 

Oreos:  Do you like the cookie better or the cream? Do you dunk in milk?
I will only eat the Golden Oreos, I like the whole cookie.  Milk? ICK!!! Nope not a fan of milk.

Favorite subject in high school?  Least favorite subject in high school?
Favorite was English, least favorite was Math!

If you were a crayon which color would you be and why?
I don't really have a favorite color, but I think I would want to be blue.  It's a soothing color to me. 

Okay, here are the bloggers that I've decided to pass this award off to.

Laney's Blog Night Owl Venting

Who I Am

Your Daily Dose of Damn

Bjurstrom Family Happenings

First of all Everyone is Stupid

Mommy needs a Break

Mom's World

Black Sheep Mom

Flight Plan

Insomniac's Dream

Sassy and Sarcastic

I know that I nominated a couple of you for the Inspiring Award over the weekend.. So here's another one, just cause I love ya so much.  :)

Now, here are the questions I have chosen for you to answer.. I must warn you, I don't normally ask the typical questions, If you feel like you can't answer a question, just type "Pass."  Just remember, it's all for fun.


1.    How do you feel about PDA (Public Display of Affection)?

2.    Have you ever dumped someone on a holiday?

3.    Have you ever locked yourself in another room to eat a snack you didn't want share with your kids?

4.    Do you know what a Shart is?  Have you ever done it?

5.    Do you embarrass easily?

6.    Do you laugh when someone falls down?

7.    If you could change something about yourself what would it be?

8.    Do you pee in the shower?

9.    Have you ever read someone's text messages on their phone without them knowing?

10.   What is your guilty pleasure?

11.   Do you hate answering these stupid ass questions?

Okay, there's my questions, now you just have to pick your favorite bloggers and make up your own questions.  Please leave a comment here letting me know that you've accepted this award.

Thanks again Jacquelyn, you are the best!! xoxo

Thanks for reading and playing.
-Ellen

Happy kids and a grumpy Daddy!

Excitement in the air Saturday morning knowing we would be hanging out on the beach.  Kids playing, Chris fishing and me enjoying the sunshine.  87 degrees on the beaches of Florida, I love that we live here instead of dealing with all the snow that the states above us are getting. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

We decided to visit a beach that we haven't been to since we visited this area, before we actually moved here.

Car packed, sunglasses on and ready to go.

Chris driving, the booger eaters in the backseat, me sitting shotgun shoes off and reading a book.

I see something in the corner of my eye, I look down and to my right.

(Blood curdling scream)

"Holy Shit!"  I look over to Chris and he's on alert looking around to see what  made me scream like I was being murdered.

"A fucking lizard just ran across my leg!"  I scream.

"Are you kidding me, you're screaming from a lizard, I could have killed us, you scared the shit out of me!" Chris yelled back.

"It crawled on me, hell yes I screamed!"  I pull my feet up like they were on fire.
"Shit, it's sitting on my shoe down there, pull over, pull over and get it out of here!"  I plead.
I quickly made a mad dash over the seat and sat my ass right on my daughter.  There is no way I'm sitting up there knowing it could change his mind and jump off my shoe and latch onto my throat.

Finally...

Chris pulls over and comes to my side of the car, I knew he wasn't going to be able to get the creature out, they are fast. Yep, as soon as Chris put his hand near it, it ran up and under the dashy thing.

I felt a little better knowing I can't see it, so jump back to the front seat and keep my feet tucked under me for protection.

I started to giggle just thinking of what Chris looked like when I screamed. He didn't think it was too funny!

We arrive at the beach and I set up our crap at the nearest picnic table and Chris goes off to his desired fishing spot.  I watch the kids play, and I relax.

Andrew was getting mad because he wasn't catching any fish.
(There wasn't a hook on his line, I didn't tell him tho.)
"Just keep trying Buddy."

Emilie.. not sure what she was doing.

You know it's funny how we always go to the beach and the kids bitch, moan and complain about anything.  Not this time though.. it was Chris who came back from his fishing spot moping!

Me:    "What's wrong with you?" 

Chris:  "This place is fucking stupid!"

Me:     "Did you catch anything?"

Chris:   "Nope, it's too damn windy here!"

Me:      "What do you mean, you can't catch fish when it's windy? Fish don't like to eat when it's windy?"

Chris:    "It's just stupid!"

We decide to go over the bridge and see what's over there.

Chris pulls out his equipment (fishing equipment) and me and kids find a playground.  10 minutes later, who do I see walking back to the car with a puss on his face?  Yep, Chris.. too windy here too I guess!

I yell at him to suck it up and come hang out with us!  We take a walk on the beachy area to look for shells.

Patrick Star!

No Mama I don't have to go potty!

All in all I thought it was a good day.. Kids had fun.  Even though Chris was in a pissy ass mood for the rest of the day.  Luckily I'm a mom and I am quite capable of ignoring such behavior!

Thanks for reading,

xoxo