Calling all Cooks...

It's no secret to my friends that I hate to cook. I loathe it. If I could afford to eat out every single meal I would!

Before I had children and lived on my own, I would live off of fast food or corn-dogs and mac n cheese.

Now, I have 2 little people always complaining they are hungry! UGH!!
(Really, you just ate umm... 5 hours ago, I'm not hungry why are you?)

Chris is an amazing cook, and he suggested I watch the cooking shows maybe that would teach me something and give me inspiration.  I watched those damn shows for years and they did nothing but make me hungry.

I lack imagination, Chris can take any 3 ingredients and make a freaking meal out of it.
"See Ellen, was that so hard? You could have done that!"
"Oh hush and give me my plate!" That's usually my reply to that comment.

I don't understand how people can even want to stand in the kitchen hunched over a pot, pan or a counter for any amount of time.  I get bored too easily.

Don't get me wrong I cook, but I have my go to dishes, easy shit like.

Mac n Cheese
Hot Dogs
BBQ Chicken in the crock pot (my kids won't eat it anymore I made it too many times)
Tacos
Frozen Pizza (yes, that counts I had put it in the over and cut the shit up)

I lack love and tenderness when it comes to cooking.

And, my kids are so damn picky! Yep, I'm going there I'm blaming the kids. Why should I cook anything that they either refuse or piss and moan about it.

The only things the kids will eat is chicken. I'm out of ideas...
So, I'm calling all cooks and people with picky kids to please, please help me!!
I'm on my knees here... believe you me, I do not get on my knees often!  ;)

I'm taking suggestions here, recipes (nothing too hard).. website to refer me too.

I don't expect to fall in love with cooking, just something to keep the kids from bitching and moaning.

Thanks in advance!
xoxo

Post request..

I had a post request from Therese over at You're Doing it Wrong.  I freaking love her blog, she makes me actually laugh out loud!  I had to edit this really quick. Therese wrote a post named Bag of Dicks.. just the title made me snort!!!

She asked me to write a post about the differences of my children because my oldest went to daycare while I worked, and my youngest stays home with me.

This request was brought on from one of my posts... Touchy Feely.

When I wrote the post above, I hadn't actually thought about the differences in my children.
So thanks Therese, you made me think!  That usually doesn't end well for anyone involved. ;)

After, a few ibuprofen from analyzing my children this is what I came up with.

So, after I had my daughter who is now 9 years old, she started daycare at 3 months old.
My kids are five and half years apart, so when my son was born Chris and I decided where we could afford for me to stay home with him.

Manners
Normally, when a child goes to daycare or any type of school, the are taught manners.  Schools in Florida seem to be very strict when it comes to manners.  The first time my daughter came home and addressed me as ma'am, I almost popped her in the mouth.  I HATE that term!!!  It makes me feel old.  I explained to her that she does not need to answer me yes or no ma'am.  She gladly agreed.  I'm not sure why people in the south feel like that's good manners.  She's has had adults in the past, scold her for not answering them with ma'am! WTF. People!! Nope, not my kid. You better be happy she's answering your ass at all!!

She now has a problem with saying, "Please, Thank you, Excuse me."  She either won't say it at all or if I correct her she gets major attitude with me about it. What the hell, she used to have manners, what the hell happened to them.

My son who is 3, says Thank you, Please and all that jazz.  If I hand him something he will say "Thank you Mama."  and if I don't say anything  he will say. "Mama, say Your Welcome!."  I didn't need to brainwash him into saying these terms.  I guess he just listens and learns.

Out-going vs. Shy

My daughter is just like me when I was her age. Very, very shy! I wouldn't talk to anyone first.
I've come out of my shell as I've gotten older.  Here's an example of her personality.
I was in Walmart with the kids a few weeks ago, I was in the deodorant aisle.  I was trying to pick out a nice sexy scent for Chris. I saw a younger man doing the same thing.  So, I offered him a coupon on one the brands he was eyeing. It was a really good coupon and he would get the product for less than a $1!
He took the coupon and thanked me.  After we walked away, Emilie said. "Mommy, why did you just talk to that man, you didn't even know him."  I told her, "Well, I was helping him. And how are you going to meet new people if you never talk to them?"

My son, on the other hand... when I take the kids to the playground, he will make friends with any of the boys he sees running around! He will stalk those kids until they acknowledge his presence.  He is not shy at all.  He will wave and say hi to anyone around.
Emile will look at him like he has 3 heads because he is able to walk up to a new kid and say "Hi, wanna play?"  (Thank god, he doesn't say, "Wanna Play Doctor: anymore!)  J/K!!! HAHA!

I want Mommy!

Like I said in the Touchy Feely post, Andrew is up my butt at all times. Except at the playground.
I seriously can't even go to the store by myself with out him throwing a full blow tantrum like I'm leaving him forever!  He will stand there and kick and bang the door until Chris picks him up and tries to calm him down. Because, Chris doesn't have as much patience as I do, that usually ends with one of two ways.. boy bribed with candy to quit crying. Or, sent to his room to watch T.V with candy!

It's taken 3 long years to get him to even go somewhere with Chris without me. Even when that happens, he orders me to stay.  "Mommy, you stay here I go with Daddy."  I guess he does that so he knows where I will be.

Emilie, I assume because she went to daycare she is okay with it.  She never through fits because I was going somewhere without her.

It makes it tough for me though. I feel so guilty because he's so upset when I leave.


Independence

Now this just confuses me!

Emilie seems to need help with anything and everything.  Brushing her hair, getting her towels for the shower, putting her clothes away, making her bed, finding her a snack.. I could seriously go on and on. Everything I listed above is stuff she can do by herself and she's done them all herself before!  I think she just gets into a mood and wants to piss me off too.

Andrew, he doesn't want me to help him with anything.  He will climb on counters to get what he wants. Then gets mad at me when I help him. "I do it by myself Mama!"
Like most men, I'm sure that independence will end when he hits puberty!


Shit, I'm so confused now.. see what happens when I have to analyze things?  I have no idea why one acts one way and the other acts the other.  I'm not sure if it is because I stay home with one and didn't with the other. Or, maybe it's just their personality!

I try to parent the same way with both, but they are 2 different people so that's impossible sometimes.
Although, bribing with candy works on both!!

Thanks for reading
xoxo

Touchy Feely...

My youngest Andrew is 3 years old, he will be 4 in July.  When he was born we decided that I could stay home with him.  I wasn't able to do that with my daughter.

I can't believe how different these children are I think because I worked with one and stayed home with the other.

Em, my oldest who is 9 years old has never liked to cuddle not even when she was a toddler.

Andrew, my youngest, OH MY GOD.. he seriously has to be up my butt at all times.

He has to sit next to me when I'm sitting, he has to lay with me when I'm laying.

When laying in my bed while I'm giving him a nap, he has to cuddle.
"Can I cuddle you Mama?"  he asks every single day.

I show him tons of affection, but I've never been a person who likes to cuddle.

I'm sitting here right now in my recliner writing this and he's next to me with his little arm around my neck.

"Andrew, why do you have to touch me all the time?"
"Cause, I love you Mama."

Yes, it melts my heart, but shit.. he's like a freaking furnace!!!  He makes me sweat.

He pokes, squeezes, knocks and caresses my arms, legs and head any chance he can get.

Anyone else have a little one attached them at all times??

Thanks for reading
xoxo

Holy Shit Balls!!

If I can quote the old fella on Duck Dynasty.. "Happy, Happy!"   That's how I'm feeling right now, along with loved, inspiring and just fucking EPIC!!! hehe.

I have been awarded 2 awards today, the first one proves I am awesome! Because, Menopausal Mother said so!  She has given me the "Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness."  Holy Shit Balls that is a mouth full!  (That's what she said.)

If you don't know who this funny blogger lady friend is, you need to go visit her as soon as you are done here. I'm pretty sure everyone who is anyone knows Marcia.  

Okay, so I'm supposed to give you 10 facts about myself and then pass this award off to 10 other bloggers.

I really hate talking about myself, I am quite boring..

1.  I am freaking horrified to go through tunnels, not the tunnels you drive in. The one's I'm talking about are the tunnels you sometimes have to go through when you are in a bounce house thingy.  I have re-occurring nightmares that I attempt to go through a tunnel and the fucking thing loses it's air and it collapses on me.
By the way, I had to go through one today at a kids place we went to, I didn't know it was there until I was far away from the entrance.  And, my kids were watching me.  I held my breath the whole time and prayed to the bouncy house Gods to let me make it through.

2.  My Dad used to call me "bones" when he was alive.  My friends in High School thought it was so funny and decided to call me "Boner."  Actually, they like to scream it down the halls. I used to get embarrassed easily back then.

3.  I can tell you that just because someone is skinny doesn't mean they are in shape.  I took the kids on a walking trail the other day and they had those exercise stations.  I was quite surprised that I was able to do 2 pull ups. Well, let me tell you what, the next day my whole upper body was so stiff and sore, I could barely move my arms! Never doing that business again. (ha-ha)

4.  I love dolphins!  I squeal every time I get to see one in the wild.

5.  I hate all holidays!

6. I gag whenever someone talks about boogers or snot.

7. I bitch and moan that I never get time away from my kids, but as soon as I'm gone for more than an hour I miss them horribly and want to go home to see them.

8.  I really miss the phrase "EAT ME."

9.  Some how during my first pregnancy my daughter who was 9 lbs 12 oz, 22 inches long, bent my sternum bone before she was born. When I lay down it looks like I have another (small) boobie.

10. I have no idea what a vaginal mesh is.  I see the lawyer commercials all the time, but I have no clue what the hell they are.

Okay, hope you learned something useful about me. Doubt it though.
Here are the 10 bloggers I am nominating for his EPIC award.

 The Basement Window
 Mom Rants and Comfy Pants
 Break my Wings I have a Broomstick too
Your Daily Dose of Damn
Flight Plan
More than Mommies
The Honest Truth by the Honest Bitch
Raising Wild Things
The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears
Moore Organize Mayhem

The next award I was awarded was the "Very Inspiring Blogger Award."  Aubree at The Basement View. You have to go check out her blog. Her writing will blow your effing mind! TALENTED!!!

I'm supposed to tell you 7 things about myself and then nominate 15 bloggers for this award.

I'm seriously out of shit to tell you about me and it's almost 10:00 PM and I want to go read my book.
I thought, since Aubree was the one who gave me this award, I would tell you 7 facts about myself and how I know Aubree.

1.  I've known Aubree (The Basement View) since I was a teenager.
2.  I worked with Aubree at Burger King while in High School
3.  We rocked our BK visors back then!
4.  I was honored to be at Aubree's wedding a long ass time ago!
5.  The very first blog I ever read was hers.  She inspired me to start my own.
6.  We are working on a writing project together.
7.  We will be rich an famous from that project.

Ch Ch Ch Changes
Momopolize
Maple Syrup Land
Outlaw Mama
Delectably Dawn
My Half Assed Life
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom
Funny Baby Videos
The Harried Mom
Crap No One Tells You
Snarky Heifer
Fear No More...A Day in the Life
The Non Martha Momma
Cranky Old Man
You're Doing it Wrong

Well, there you have it.. there is 15 more Very Inspiring Bloggers, go give them a pat on the back for this award.

I want to also thank 3 other bloggers who gave me the Liebster Award over the last week. That will be ELEVEN Liebster Awards. I am seriously really tired and I don't wanna play no-mo'!  But I do want to thank them.

A Mom's Point of View

Little Mayberry Life

Owl Always Blog

Thank you everyone for these amazing awards.

I want to let everyone know, that I'm working on making a brand new spankin' award.  I can't wait to give it away.

Thanks for reading
xoxo

Two-Take Exchange

"Hello everybody! My name is Aubree, and I am the writer of the 

Akashic Aisles: The Basement View blog. 

My good friend and author of Bad Word Mama has graciously agreed to be the other half to the whole that is the Two-Take Exchange. As part of this image-inspired blog-swap, she and I will take turns choosing an image that moves us in one way or another, and we will each write something about it (having no idea in what way the other found inspiration in the very same imagery until we make the actual swap). 

And THEN, we will each post the other's "take" on our respective blogs. Sounds fun, right? 

IT IS!!

Below, is my "take" on the chosen image for this first week's swap. 

To see how Bad Word Mama was inspired by the same image, please visit 

The Basement. 

We hope you enjoy reading our Two-Takes!"

Lay your troubles upon her like a veil.  
She will hold them until you are ready.

The foundation of entire worlds can be seen in the hard and distant antiquity of her eyes. 

Her concern weighs as much as her celebration, anymore.  She can't afford to fail, and yet failure is promised.  Always the focused Giver, she fears that her triumphs will become mere shadows that only sometimes float across her face.  

She weathers the assault, because she has a warrior's spirit.  She has a warrior's spirit, because she must.  And when the ruined and forgotten fall before her, she becomes the will of the wind: sweeping them up in a gust of remembrance, making them new again. 

Her pain has become a crown, forged by the fiery abundance of Love...a fragile crown without pomp, without jewels that glitter for attention.  Those jewels, she gave away - willingly - upon hearing that first cry and knowing that the kind of love that aches from intensity is now her kind of Love.  Wanting to be ever-present, she realizes - in an instant of heartache and wonder - that her protective measure will inevitably suffer limitation by another's design.  Her reach is long, her gaze holds longer, and there is not a collective - nor solitary - thing that can outlive her touch.  But the world must turn, and life must speed along, and the nest must succumb to the elements.  Alas, her greatest triumphs will take flight into a harsh and unforgiving sky.

She has to hold on, while letting go.

She is a home, a truth, a soaring knowledge.  She is a mountain, unmoving in courage.  She is a star of polarity, balancing the scales.  She is a belief that bends.  She is a cloud that takes the shape of all things hopeful when the day has become desperate.  Cleansing and shaping soft structures: she is sand and surf.  She is the seasons; she is the Sun.  She is all things in, by, and of Creation. 

So much more than a fertile womb: She, is a Mother.

I wrote this in dedication of all mothers that know what it means to love so intensely that it hurts, and trust me when the memory of the child I once was openly declares that a woman that gives birth does not automatically become a mother that loves. However, Life made up for what my childhood was so severely lacking, and it turns out that while writing this, I DID have a loving mother to think about: one that supports and forgives and worries incessantly and tries to understand and tries not to judge; one that not only keeps the nests that her own children outgrew inside the lovingly assembled shadowboxes of her mind, but that also helped to build the nests for the next generation...her grandchildren. She is the supreme example of motherhood, and humanity. She is my husband's mother and my son's grandmother. She is my utmost example and inspiration.