Holy Crap I was nominated for an award

Many thanks to Menopausal Mother I have been nominated for my very first award.
I am supposed to answer the questions below as part of the nomination.. so here I go!

1. Do you salt your watermelon?
    No, I don't.. I actually never knew people did that.

2. Your favorite beverage is?
    Dr. Pepper is my drink of choice during the day, and if I'm feeling frisky at night I will indulge in a Bay Breeze, or anything fruity.

3. Have you ever tasted cat or dog food?
    UGH.. NO NEVER.. Not even a little bit.

4. If you were a pro athlete, what sport would you play?
    Synchronized swimming.. and yes I consider that a sport!

5. What animal best represents you?
     A bird. (No particular kind) Mostly because people always call me "bird legs"

6. What is the weirdest job you ever had/or hated?
    I was once a housekeeper at a hotel, I was fired within a week for walking in on a man on the toilet.  I then informed my boss, that he's making a mess in there and I'm not cleaning it so soon after being used.

7. Have you ever gotten stuck in something and had to yell for help to get out?
    I was almost 9 months pregnant and I was in the bathroom, yes on the pot. I reached over for the toilet paper and noticed a cock roach sitting on the wall next to me. I freaked out so bad, I fell on the floor in between the wall and the toilet.

8. Have you ever "sharted" (SORRY!! MY HUSBAND MADE THIS ONE UP!!!)?
    Hmm. I can't say that I can remember doing that.  But the thought of it makes me laugh!!

9. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
    14

10. If you were on Death Row, what would your last meal request be?
      Anything with Alfredo Sauce on it.  (except dog or cat food)

11. What is one of your most embarrassing moments?
      I was on a first date, and Mr. Big Spender bought us fast food for dinner.  He was driving me home and I was eating my ice from my cup.  A piece of ice went down the wrong way and I choked and barfed all over the floor of his car.  

My first therapy session

Everyone knows the old saying:  "Treat others how you want to be treated."

We try to instill that old famous quote in our children.  

WELCOME TO MY FIRST THERAPY SESSION:
But, have you thought about that quote when we talk to our children?

To be brutally honest, I never have until today.

I'm not a complete bitch to my children, but sometimes, I don't treat them, how I would like to be treated. Or how I would want other people to treat my them.

I thought to myself, why would I do that?  Is it because they are younger than me? Does that make me superior? 

Our children look to their parents as role models and if we are lucky, damn lucky we will become their idol.

It really upsets me when I think about how I've talked to my daughter.  Not so much my son, he's still little, cuddly and pretty much listens when I ask him to do something. 

My daughter is 8 years old, and I know I've repeated that quote to her many times.  She is a very nice girl, and is respectful to other children. (for the most part.)

So, this is what I'm going to do.  When she does something that is really stupid and could have been avoided if she took the time to think about it.  I will talk to her nicely without attitude or snotty tone.  And, most importantly without negative words!!

From what I'm gathering here from my Therapy Session is, I must assume somewhere in my bird brain that she should know how to solve that particular problem.  Well, maybe she really doesn't!

I want her to look up to me as a positive role model when she's older. I don't want her to think of me as a bitch or something worse.

She gives me such an attitude sometimes.. It just blows my mind.  Now that I sit here and think about it, maybe she is learning that from me! UGH!!!  Maybe she feels threatened when I give her "attitude."

As a grown woman if another adult give me attitude, it puts me in attack mode.  I know I'm not the only one either.. but, why would I do that to my child?

From what I'm gathering here from my Therapy Session is, I must assume that she should know how to solve that particular problem.  And, when I realize she doesn't know how to deal with it she gives me attitude or she breaks down all together.

My final thought on today's session is, I've bitched many times that my daughter acts like a baby sometimes and throws fits.  So maybe, when I change my attitude she will watch and learn?
One can only hope.

OUR TIME IS UP FOR TODAY.. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo

"I AM _____"

I found this on:  You Know It Happens At Your House Too. Love her blog.. check her out when you get a chance. 
"Set a timer for five minutes and write.  Write using the prompt I AM ______________________. Don't edit, don't proofread, don't change it.  You are not required to share it with anyone, even though I hope you do, but keep it close by so that on those days when you are feeling really horrible about yourself (we all know that we have those days), you can look back and remember all the things that make you wonderful." 



I am Ellen.
I am a 38 year old woman who swears she still 18. 
I am a  mother of two beautiful children 3 and 8.
I am a devoted girlfriend to the best man ever, who would do anything for me and his family. 
I am a person who doesn't say no often enough. 
I am generous.
I am bitchy.
I am loving.
I am the funniest person I know.
I am a Gemini.
I am easy going.
I am excited to become a famous author. (someday)
I am hard on myself.
I am a horrible cook.
I am still sad that both my parents have passed.
I am a hard ass.

Well.. my time is up. That was harder than I thought it would be. 

Thanks for reading.
xoxo

Conversations with toddlers

Main characters:
Shelby:  2 years old
Andrew:  3 years old
Me:  The mother of Andrew and sitter for Shelby

The kids are in the living room with me playing with lego's.

Shelby:  "No Andew I want the wed (red) one."

Andrew:  "Mine, Selby!"

Shelby:  "Look Elwen (Ellen)  I make a wocket." (rocket)

The lego's lasted a whole 5 minutes, left for me to either clean up or scream every time I step on one!


*********************************************************************

Shelby: "Andew what you eatin?"

Andrew:  "Samich"

Shelby:  "Samich, yummy, I eat sceddi o's"

Andrew:  "otay Selby"

Me:  giggle, giggle.


 after lunch:

Andrew:  "I done Mommy, I need to poop."

Shelby:  "Andew need to poop?", "Andew need to poop?"

Andrew:  "Selby no! I go poop!"

Me:  "Shelby, why are you laying on the floor like that? Are you going poop?"

Shelby:  "I do poop like Andew."

I spray the area with air freshener, to stop my gag reflex and dry heaves.

****************************************************************

Me:  Shelby, eat your yoguart with your spoon, not your fingers.  Eat like a big girl.
Shelby:  Eat like a big gurl?
Me:  Yes, don't you want to be a big girl?
Shelby:  No, I sit in the princess chair.

Ugh.. okay well one of us is definitely confused.  

*******************************************************************
Andrew:  Mommy
Me:  Yes, Andrew
Andrew:  Notin
Shelby:  What wong Andew?
Shelby:  What wong Andew?
Andrew:  No, Selby, I talk to my mommy.

**All quiet now :)

*****************************************************************

Shelby is  playing in her room nicely

Me:  Shelby where is Andrew?
Shelby: Me not know.

Me calling for Andrew, I notice Andrew hiding behind the curtains.

Me:  Andrew, when I call you, you need to answer me. I was scared you got lost.
Andrew:  Me no scared.
Me:  I was scared, not you.
Andrew: No be scared, I hide white (right) here.
Me:  Okay, thank you.

*************************************************************
I'm sitting on the couch and Shelby is sitting next to me.  Andrew walks in the room and sees Shelby sitting next to me. He gets mad and starts to walk away.

Shelby:  Andew you wanna be my fwiend?
Shelby:  Andew you wanna be my fwiend?
Andrew:  ARRRRR (SCREAM)
Me:  What's wrong Andrew?
Andrew: Selby! Me not her fwiend!
Shelby:  Elwen you be my fwiend?
Me:  Of course Shelby.

The two people who keep my day interesting.

A day at the beach...

Those of you who have been paying attention, Chris and I moved away from our home town.  We moved about 3 hours south to Palm Bay.  So far, what I've seen the town is awesome, everything is near by.  Hotels, tons of restaurants, movies, shopping and last but definitely not least the beach.

We decided to go to the beach yesterday, which by the way is only about 10 to 20 minutes from where we live.  (depending on traffic)  Where we moved from, the closest beach was over and hour away.

Anyway, we loaded up Andrew our 3 year old, Emilie and her friend and headed off.  We left the house at 8am because Chris wanted to fish.  I guess you have to get there early to do that.

We get to the beach and the two girls, go right for the raging waves, (the waves here seem to be much more stronger and bigger than what we are used too.)
 They rolled around like baby seals in the surf and laughed and screamed and all that girly shit that makes your insides cringe.

Ten minutes into it, Emilie comes up to me and tells me she has to go poop!! REALLY.. DAMN IT!!
Before she gives me this information, Chris realizes he doesn't have everything he needs to fish.  So he leaves to go back the bait shop.

So, Chris is gone I'm left with 3 kids and one has to poop so bad she doing something that resembles the pee-pee dance.  I ask her to please just sit down and wait for her dad to come back. The bathrooms are up the beach a bit, not too far.  But I didn't want to have to bring all the kids and leave our stuff on the beach.

In the meantime, Em is still bitching she has to poop and now the truck load of sand she has in her bathing suit bottom is bothering her!!!  Well, what the hell, when you roll around in the ocean you're gonna get some hitch hiker's in your business.

Chris finally makes it back and Em and I take the walk to the bathroom and the showers.
We get into the bathroom area and Em decides she doesn't have to poop anymore!!!!!!
But, she's still bitching about the sand.  The bathroom showers don't work, so there are only the outside showers.  Even after I told her I would hold a beach towel around her while she rinsed off, she refused and threw a fit. (Mind you she's 8 years old, nothing on her resembles a grown woman or even the beginning of puberty)  I ended up having her take her bottoms off and I rinsed them out and used it like a wash cloth to clean her little girl business.
I lectured her the whole time about rolling around in the sand, and if she does it again, I WILL NOT bring her back to the bathrooms.  She will have to take care of it in the ocean.  She said she still didn't have to poop, I informed her, that this is her chance.. if she got the urge again, that she can do that in the ocean too and Dad can use it as bait.

We get back to the beach, and Chris is happy fishing, Em's friend is searching for seashells and my little Andrew is playing in the sand.  He refuses to go anywhere near the water.  He was seriously terrified!
I sit down on my chair under the umbrella and grab my phone to read and my bag is filled with sand.
While Chris is off by the water fishing he didn't notice our little sand flea making a sand castle inside of my bag which contains everything I don't want to get sand on.

I remember the days when Chris and I would go to the beach alone, before we had kids.  I would just sit there and relax without a care in the world.  I should have cherished those days.
Because they are long gone!!!!

Chris caught one small fish which he threw back

Thanks for reading.
xoxo