Meditate

I want to learn how to meditate.  Sometimes All the time, I have so much running through my head.
How do you shut that off?  To meditate do you have to shut off your brain? Or is it time to think?
I just don't know.  I feel like I could be so much more than who I am. It's like the amazing Ellen is sitting right on the fore front of my brain waiting to be discovered.  I want to discover her and unleash her into this world.  My question though is HOW?

When I think of meditation I think of silly people sitting in a weird position humming.  Is that what you have to do to meditate?  Do I need to convert my 4th bedroom into some Buddha shrine.  Surround myself with with all white walls, water trickling fountains, and candles lit everywhere?  Because with my forgetfulness that will really be fire hazard.


What can you really get from meditating besides inner peace?  Can I get anything I desire?

                                                                     

Maybe I should forget meditating and start medicating!

Thanks for reading

Insomnia

Lately I've been suffering from insomnia!  I have never experienced this before.  Normally, I could fall asleep anywhere. Once I fell asleep at a concert! WTF -   I don't know what to do with myself.  I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come.  I wait and wait.  While I'm laying there my OCD kicks in!  Which I should add I've never had this problem before either.

Did I lock the door?
 I get up and physically touch the door knob and make sure it's locked.
I go back to bed.
I need to go check on my daughter!
 Ever since little girls are getting ripped out of their beds at night, that scares the shit out of me
I go back to bed.
Oh shit I forgot to check on my 3 year old son.


Okay, everyone is safe in their beds. (ahhh, now i can sleep)

NOPE!!! Chris is laying next to me, and he's begun his nightly ritual of snoring!! OMG!!!  This isn't just regular snores. I want to rip out his insides, to make him quit!!!
I've tried kicking, pushing and rolling his 200 lb body over.  He wakes up and yells at me for waking him up.

Luckily I have a 4th bedroom, that is empty except for a queen size air mattress.  I keep it blown up and made just for these occasions.

I grab my pillows and stomp off to my nice quiet bedroom.

And, now I lay there, listening to my thoughts.  What I have to do the next day. A new chapter comes to mind for my book.  An article about Motherhood I want to write.

Oh, I'm finally drifting off to sleep.
I'm scared out of a light sleep with loud meow, right in my ear.
The damn cat wants to go outside. Although I tried to get him to go out before I went to bed.  But no he didn't want to go then.
ARRR!!!
I get up and let the cat out. I Make sure I lock the door securely, so I don't have to think about that and check again.
I go back to bed.
Yes, I feel sleep coming back.
Am, I dreaming about a child screaming?
NOPE.. Andrew woke up and he's running around the house looking for me.
"MAMA"   " MAMA" - he's yelling with his outside voice!!
I look at the clock it's 3:00 a.m.. I'm too tired now to sit in Andrew's room and wait for him to go back to sleep.  I take him to my air mattress and he falls to sleep. Finally it's my turn.
         
                  *********************
I wake up to Andrew pounding my head, "Mommy, wake up time."
UGH - I look at the clock it's 7:00 a.m.

I get up and start the day.. thinking I can't wait to go to bed tonight, so I can lay there and drive myself crazy!

Thanks for reading
xoxo

Summer Break Blues

My soon to be 3rd grader skipped off the bus this afternoon telling me all about her last day of school.
I was beaten' by 3 little words as she spoke walking into the house: "I'M BORED MOMMY."
Are you serious, you just got off the bus 30 seconds ago, and you're bored!!
It hit me all at once, what my future will hold until late August.  Those 3 words plus a few more.
"I have no one to play with."

"I'm hungry." (those words will come out of her mouth at least once an hour)
"I have nothing to do."
"Play with me Mommy."
I already feel like plucking out my eyes and throwing them into the yard so she will have something to do and something to play with.

On the other hand, I don't have to be up at 5:30 in the morning for a while!!

After going to Emilie's award ceremony at school yesterday, I realized that she is a average student, when she used to be an excellent student.  Many things have happened this year that could have affected her attitude and her ability to care about school.

One, my mom who lived with us died, then I found out I was pregnant and then lost the baby 3 months into the pregnancy.  I took both of those into consideration as I sat there waiting for my daughter to get any award.  She ended up getting one award: "Citizenship Award."  I am very proud of her, but in the back of my mind I felt disappointed.

When she got home yesterday, I congratulated her on her award, and began to tell her that will be working over the summer at least 3 times a week in the subjects that she struggled in.

Next year she will have to take the FCAT'S.. which I think is ridiculous, if any student fails that test, they will be held back.   The school system seems to only care about the FCAT'S.

Since I can't buck the system, she will be ready.  She will feel comfortable and confident when she enters the 3rd grade and sits down to take those dreadful tests.

So in conclusion, I will be very busy this summer with my daughter and I haven't even mentioned potty training my soon to be 3 year old.

Wish me luck I will definitely need it.

Thanks for reading

RAIN

What rain means to me.

First I believe it brings out my inner peace, it makes me feel relaxed.
 The rain gives me permission to relax my mind and my body.

The rain also waters my vegetable garden, so I don't have to stand out in the Florida heat sweating my ass off to do it.
 So thank you for that!

Not me reading..
 I don't allow any photography
 while I'm relaxing.

It's allows me to lay in my bed and read a great book.



The rain is like a new start, a clean slate.
Like how you feel after you take a shower from standing in the blasted heat watering your garden.
A fresh clean feeling.

It helps me think and clear my head.
That is what I feel when it's raining.







Unless I have to go out while it's raining...
Then void everything I said before, now I'm wet and pissed!!

Thanks for reading my blog
:)

New dangers for Teenagers!

As parents we have to worry about so many things when it comes to our children.
 Healthy home to live in, food to eat, school, clothes and so on.
There is something that is happening right in our own backyard.

Human trafficking, run away teenagers are in danger.

While you're talking to your teenager about the dangers of the world, now we have to include this in our conversation.

We thought that the birds and the bee’s talk is uncomfortable.
Talking to your kids about children being kidnapped everyday is not something we like to talk or think about.
Now there is something new.
 Please lets all inform our children and teenagers about the dangers of this world.

Children out grow the “monsters under our beds”, but little do they know they still exist.
 The “monsters” are everywhere!

Teaching our children early that rules in our homes are very important,  we enforce those said rules to keep them safe and out of harms way.  We as parents are not trying to “ruin their lives” or “cramp their style”.  Remind them we love them and we don’t want anything bad to happen to them.

Share stories that you read in your local newspaper, let them watch the news with you in the morning.  We were all teenagers once, and we all thought we were invincible. Our teenagers feel the same way, opening their eyes to what is going on in the world is our job as parents.  Everyone would like their children to grow up in a perfect world where we can chase butterflies all day and slide down rainbows.
 That just isn’t the case, we have to educate them.


Below is a link to an article from Ocala.com about human trafficking.
http://www.ocala.com/article/20120523/ARTICLES/120529877/1412?p=1&tc=pg

Let your teenager read this article and see what they think.

It may not be happening in your city or town you live in, but it is happening in someone’s backyard.