Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Boob Tube

Being a stay home mom I am subjected to watching kids shows.  I don't normally mind, it keeps the booger eaters quiet for a while.  I actually like a few, one of my favorites is SpongeBob.  I know many people who don't like that show.  But, I love it!  I find it funny and I've learned that blowing bubbles can be fun.  I'm dead set on finding out the secret formula to the Crabby Patty.

I also like Little Bear, my favorite character on that show is "Duck" she is freaking funny.  I love air headed people and talking animals.  The friendship between Little Bear and Emily scares me a bit, am I the only one who thinks they are way too close?





Bubble Guppies keeps me occupied, Deema is the best.  She is spunky!  I can't help but sing along to all the songs.  I've also learned most of the dance moves.




I'm not even going to start on Yo Gabba Gabba.. "DJ Lance Rock" yep something wrong with that man right there!








Dino Dan,  first let me say, he needs a new haircut.  Second, get that boy some meds, cause he's hallucinating!  If my kid was that obsessed with dinos, I would be taking him to a shrink.  "My crazy haired boy says he sees dinosaurs, please help!"  The show I would love to see is when of those imaginary dino's gobbles up that nerd!

Max and Ruby, where to I start with that show?  I think Ruby is a bitch!!!  And where the hell are the parents?  Yes, they have a Grandma, but she doesn't live with them.  I like shows that teach my kids to listen to their parents.  My kids have asked, "Where are their parents at?"  I replied, they left cause Ruby is a bossy little bunny!  What gets me is, she is always bossing Max around and she never lets him get a word in edge wise. But, at the end of the show it's Max who is always right!  She needs to just shut her furry little mouth and let him take over.






Peppa Pig is an okay show, I like when they all laugh they have to fall on the ground!  That looks like a fun family to live in.  Peppa is always making fun of how fat Daddy Pig is and she never gets in trouble for it.  If I even mention to Chris that he's getting man boobs, he gets all bent out of shape.


What kid shows drive you crazy? Which one's do you actually like to watch?





Thanks for reading
xoxo






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Monday, February 4, 2013

A Night in a Tent


When we moved I signed my daughter up for Girl Scouts, hoping it will bring her out of her shell and help her make friends and I could use some new friends too!

Emilie’s Girl Scout Troop went on their first camping trip for the year over the weekend.  They were leaving on Friday night and returning on Sunday afternoon.  I really wanted to go so I could spend some time with Emilie without Andrew trying to crawl up my butt.

Although, three things about this trip made me very nervous about going.

First, I haven’t been camping since I was at least 12 years old.  This camping trip with the Girl Scouts would require us to sleep in tents!  I’ve only slept in a tent once in my life.  We would go camping as a child, well what my dad considered camping.  The first time we used a tent.  After 2 long hours of my dad bitching and throwing tent poles around, when he couldn’t figure out how to put the thing up.  Needless to say that was the last time we used a tent.  My dad purchased one of those pop up campers after that year.  Our camping as a family required that my mom had to have a small TV so she can watch “her shows.”

Camping with Girl Scouts I knew was going to be very different from what I was used to 20 years ago.

My second concern was it was going to be cold.  Not only do I not like to camp but I hate to be cold! I mean HATE!!!  I know anyone reading this who lives where it actually snows is laughing at me when I say sleeping outside when it’s 40 degree’s is freaking torture for me.

The final and most important thing that made me nervous about going was leaving my little man.  Andrew and I have been together for the past 3 years 24/7!  The only other time I spent the night without him was when he was born and I was discharged from the hospital before he was.

With all of those things in mind, I decided that I would let Emilie go on Friday night and I would meet up with them at the campsite on Saturday and then spend one night.  I could deal with one night away in a cold ass tent!

This means, Andrew would have to stay home with Daddy all day and night without Mommy!  Chris has never had to stay with Andrew alone for more than a few hours.  Yep, I was worried about that too.

Not sure if Chris was nervous, if he was he never showed it.  In the past when I would complain about a shitty day at home with a toddler he would of course say.  “Then you can get a job and I will stay home, I would love that.” I would always respond, “You wouldn’t make it two whole days, if that.”


Before the camping weekend came upon us, I would talk about it to Andrew, so he wouldn’t freak out too much when I left.  I talked it up, how much fun he would have with Daddy. “He will give you candy and popcorn and you can take baths all day long if you want.”  Haha, I didn’t mention any of this to Chris.

The camping trip was located in a huge park where many, many people go camping.  When we first arrived, Andrew spotted a huge playground, and bugged us to go there and play.
We finally arrive at the campsite and I get out of the car and open Andrew’s door to say goodbye.  Then the tears started, not mine like I thought they would, it was Andrew.  He was freaking out like I knew he would.  I could see it in Chris’ face. He was starting to get worried; I was leaving him with a very upset 3 year old.  Then he remembered what works best with a toddler.  Bribery!  “Andrew, let’s go to the playground.”  That worked, the tears stopped.  I looked at Chris with a raised eyebrow.  He knew what I was thinking. Chris hates going to playgrounds.  I said my goodbyes and kissed my men goodbye until morning.   I knew I would hear from Chris sometime between 10 minutes and 10 hours.


Emilie was very excited to see me; she actually gave me a hug. She normally only gives hugs when she is asked for them.  The other mother’s eventually told me the nightmare they had the night before.  In between 6 year old’s peeing on them selves and their tent mates sleeping bags and a box of Cheez-its.  It was freezing cold, and no one got any sleep. That story did not help my anxiety.  I dreaded when the sun would go down.  We had a fun day and the evening was full of Mama Drama!  I won’t share that info on here, but it amused me of course!   Before bed time came, I got the dreaded call from Chris, pissed off Chris.  I’ve told “Pissed off Chris” never to call me and I put my number on the “Do Not Call list.”

I was able to talk to my little man on the phone.
Aww, he misses me!  I asked how his day was at the park, that one little question dried up his tears and proceeded to tell him all about it.  I assured him I would be home after he woke up in the morning.
Lucky for me, that night was no where as cold as the night before! YES!!!
I barely got any sleep that night though, I heard lots of noises out side our flimsy tent that scared the shit out of me.   Footsteps, screeching from some kind of animal, and I swear I heard a coyote.  My tent mate assured me that we will be just fine. I didn't take her word for it, I think I got 3 hours of sleep! What the hell did she know, she slept the whole time, while my bugged eyes stared at the top of the tent waiting for Bigfoot  to rip that sucker down!

Morning finally came and we packed up and left.

I was so excited to see Andrew, I swear he couldn’t get into my arms fast enough and we gave each other the biggest hug ever.

“So,  how’d it go with you guys last night.”  I asked Chris.
This is what he said and I will always remember these words:

“I don’t know how you do it.  I felt like a slave, he constantly wanted something.  He drove me crazy!  There is NO WAY I could be a stay at home Dad.”

I grinned from ear to ear.  Those were the sweetest words he’s ever spoken to me.  I wanted to take him right there right then. (But I didn’t)

I actually had a good weekend, now that I know that my men can actually do it with out me.  I think Emilie and I need to plan a trip to a nice hotel somewhere in a big city away from critters and dirt!

Thanks for reading,
xoxo


Don't forget to vote for "BAD WORD MAMA"

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Nope, I didn't know that...

Okay, yes I know there is a lot of things I don't know.. A LOT!!

But, I'm talking about idle gossip, nothing that really would make a difference in your life.. Just a
"Hmm, I didn't know that."

I was on Twitter and saw a link or a Tweet or whatever you call that.  It was from "OMG FACTS"
It was about celebrities that are "out and proud."
First, let me share with you, I am the very last person on this earth who judges another person about who they want to spend their life with.  My best friend was gay, yes I said was. She took her life eleven years ago. Anyway, the point is, I usually have what people call "Gaydar."
I was definitely wrong, I have no such device in me.  I had no idea these people are gay. I will post the link at the bottom of this post.  I was in shock with a few of these.  Not sure why, I know gay people don't look or act a certain way.  Sometimes, I feel like I live under a rock

Something else I found out,

I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show the other day and the mean lady from The Biggest Loser was on Jillian Michaels.  Anyway, they showed a picture of her and another lady with two babies.  WTF, I didn't know that she was gay!


------>"Out and Proud" <-------

When I publish a post I usually put a lot of thought into it and find cute pictures to go along with it. So forgive me, I did this on a whim.




(Disclaimer:  I am not nor will I ever be homophobic. If I offended you with this post, sorry it's my blog I can say what I want.)

Thanks for reading
xoxo

While you're here click this link and vote for me.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

My Life is a Beach

My whole life, when I needed to go to my "Happy Place", it was always the beach.  I love the salty smell of the water, the breeze that forces me to breath through my nose and relax.  The sounds of the waves crashing. Damn, just writing it relaxes me.

When Chris and I decided to move here, what excited me the most was the beach.  Although, I was very surprised to find out how close we were.  If you ask me if it's less than two hours away, then that close.  No, we don't live on the beach.. YET!!  When we get older and kids are moved out, that is where I will retire.

We are only 10 to 20 minutes from the beach, depending on traffic.

So, we live near the beach we go at least twice a month... I still love it, but it doesn't relax me the way I thought it would. I think I'm more relaxed thinking about it then I am while I'm there.

I think I figured out why...

Actually, two reasons..

1.  Emilie
2.  Andrew

Yep, they basically forced themselves into my happy place and tore the shit up.  While in my happy place I sit in my chair facing the ocean and close my eyes and just be.

When I'm forced to bring them to my happy place, there is constant bitching about something.
Emilie will only go into the water up to her ankles and Andrew, he won't go 10 feet near the surf.

Emilie:
"Mommy, can you walk down the beach with me and pick up shells?"
"Can you help me get the sand out of my ass crack?"
(Well, she doesn't say "ass crack" or I would smack her on the ass.)
"I'm bored, can I bury you in the sand?"


Andrew:
"Mommy, my hands are dirty."
"I want to fish."

Andrew likes to throw shells into the water, although it's very hard for him to do that, he doesn't throw very far and like I said before, he won't even get that close to the water.  He usually ends up knocking me upside the head with one.
"Damnit kids, I'm in my freaking happy place!"

While trying to tune out the voices and bitching that never existed in my happy place before.  I sit in my chair ready to relax.  Even though I refused to be buried in the sand, it's flying all over me, in my hair on my blasted happy chair.  I look behind me and Andrew is digging in the sand like a dog and throwing it all my way.  UGH!!!!

The damn bandits who talk too much in my happy place, make me get up and walk or do whatever they want to do (except bury me in the sand) just to keep them quiet.
So, I'm up and walking down the beach picking up shells, I of course love to watch people as well.  There are only a couple things that make me stop in my tracks and watch.
A family of tourists or a overweight Dad in the ocean with their kids and Dad keeps getting knocked down by the waves.  I can't help but laugh! I'm sorry, that is just too freaking funny!

The other thing is surfers! It's hard to see their faces, but those wet suits are what really catch my eye!

Not thinking about what his face looks like right now!

As we walk back to the area of the beach that we claimed our's for the afternoon.  "What the hell, someone is in my happy chair! Oh hell no!!

Well, at least he's a cutie!

Without much force I get Andrew out of my chair and sit down to relax from my walk. I look out in front of me and see Chris in his happy place. Man, that shit is not fair.. the kids are too damn scared to go out into the water to bug him. I'm not a fan of the creepy crawlers that dwell in that water, I usually stay on the beach as well.


Just, as I get comfortable, breathe in relaxation, exhale noise and everything else that followed me here.
Time to get up again, Andrew wants me to take pictures of him on the sand dune.


Okay, picture done, I run back to my chair to find Chris complaining that the fishing isn't working out like he thought it would. Okay? So?

"Time to go."  Chris states.
"What the mother corn dog lovin' people!"

Fine, I'll just go home and dream about how I can come here all by myself one day.

I made this when I was supposed to be picking up shells.


Thanks for reading

xoxo

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Sunday, January 20, 2013

Get out of my way Ellen!




If you read my last post about being positive and all that business, there is a affirmation that I need to say to myself more.  I only think it, I never say it out loud.  What the hell am I afraid of?  Am I afraid to say it out loud because, I feel like the end isn't near?  Because, if I say it I will be held accountable?
I need to be held accountable, everyone should be held accountable if they tell people what their dream is.
Right?

I have it all in my noggin, it's all there but....  Damn that "but" always slips out of my mouth.  I need to stop using that word!  It's me, I'm standing in my way.

I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection.  Yes, I know everyone is afraid of rejection. I don't give a crud, I'm talking about me here!

My dream is possible, attainable, I know it is.  If I close my eyes I can imagine my dream becoming my life.

I'm not sure why it is when I get on my laptop I avoid that little file.  The first think I go to is that blasted Facebook!   It's a file that will change my life as I know it.  I can only hope and dream that it will make my life and my family's life better.


Why can't I find the motivation within myself to just freaking do it!


So, I'm here to tell you all what my dream is, what the 4 word affirmation I need to say to myself everyday.

I need you.. yes you, to  hold me accountable.


I AM A WRITER!


Yes, Yes!! I've said it. Damn that felt so good.  I've actually never written that down before.

Maybe, I don't think of myself as a writer because what I want people to read isn't out there yet.  I'm not a published writer.  I want to be a published writer more than anything.  Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would still want this so bad.

I've been working on a book for over a year.  I have the whole thing already written in my head.  I personally think it is amazing.  I've typed out many, many words. Then I've deleted all those words.  I stopped I decided no, that's not the story I want to write.  For a few months I didn't write, but I never stopped thinking about that story.  So, I started it all over again.  What if I get it all done and then realize I could have made it better by doing this or that?

Okay, I need to just get the hell over it and do what I want to do, NO, what I NEED to do.

Thanks for reading my page of rantings.
xoxo