Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,

I'm sure I've told you this before but.. "YOU WERE RIGHT!"   You were right about everything!!
You used to give me advice all the time, and I thought you were an idiot.  What the hell did you know?
You were just this old lady and I was young and full of life and invincible.
So, all the advice and wise words you shared with me.. Thank you!  I know now. I guess better late than never.

I want to apologize for being such a horrible bitch of a teenager.  I have no excuse, so I won't even try to give you one.  Thank you for standing by me and letting me be who I was or at least who I thought I was.

Thank you for being a silly mom.. I'm also a silly mom.  I love that I don't act my age.  And I loved that you didn't act yours either.

I miss, not being able to call you when something happens in my life. I talk to you all the time, but I miss hearing your voice.

I miss sitting with you in the morning over our coffee and making fun of the people on the news.

Forgetting that you were in the shower and hearing you bang on the wall for me.. And you never got mad, you only laughed. God, I felt awful for those couple times. (luckily we never ran out of hot water)

I miss watching movies with you, The scary one's never scared you.
The one's with sex and the one's that said the "Big Black Word".  (how grossed out you would get) and we would laugh together.

Thank you for being the best Mom-Mom to my children.

Emilie and Mom-Mom (After Emilie did a make-over)

Thank you for giving me the privilege of living with me so I can take care of you the last year of your life.

Thank you for being my mom.

I miss you everyday!  Will this feeling ever go away??

Everything I've written above, I've either apologized for or we've talked about.

I just wanted to say it again.

Love,
Ellen

P.S.
I'm having a bad night, and I felt like talking to you.  You always made me feel better.

And, the Blog Award go to....

I was completely surprised and honored to find out that I won my very first blog award yesterday. I love writing and sharing my thoughts and everything in between with all my blogger friends. Since I won the "Liebster Award" I must also pass it along to 11 other bloggers of my choosing. I'm pretty new to the whole blogging world, so there are many blogs out there I read on a daily basis.

And, the Liebster Awards go to....

Akashic Aisles: The Basement View

Embrace your Crazy

What I really meant to say was

Can't keep it in no more

Reenie's Book Blog

Pull my funny bone

Sex Lives of Moms

Tired Mama

Sorry Kid your mom does play well with others

Suburbia Interrupted

Mommy Needs a Break

If you choose to accept this award, you must answer the 11 questions below and post them on your blog.  Please keep in mind, these questions are just for fun, hopefully no one will be offended.  I've also had to answer questions...Questions I had to answer
Let me know once you've done this.. I can't wait to read them.

1.  Have you ever been caught in a lie?

2.  If you had superhuman powers, which power would you  have?

3.  If you significant other gave you a "free pass" - who would be your's?

4.   What is your biggest phobia?

5.  What is the longest you've gone without taking a bath or shower?

6.  What flaw is enough to make you end a relationship?

7.  Do you have any tattoo's?

8.  Have you ever looked in someone's medicine cabinet?

9.  Do you pee in the shower?

10.  How often do you ignore calls on your cell phone?

11.  What's the favorite part of your body?

Congrats to all of you.. I love each and everyone of these blogs!!

Holy Crap I was nominated for an award

Many thanks to Menopausal Mother I have been nominated for my very first award.
I am supposed to answer the questions below as part of the nomination.. so here I go!

1. Do you salt your watermelon?
    No, I don't.. I actually never knew people did that.

2. Your favorite beverage is?
    Dr. Pepper is my drink of choice during the day, and if I'm feeling frisky at night I will indulge in a Bay Breeze, or anything fruity.

3. Have you ever tasted cat or dog food?
    UGH.. NO NEVER.. Not even a little bit.

4. If you were a pro athlete, what sport would you play?
    Synchronized swimming.. and yes I consider that a sport!

5. What animal best represents you?
     A bird. (No particular kind) Mostly because people always call me "bird legs"

6. What is the weirdest job you ever had/or hated?
    I was once a housekeeper at a hotel, I was fired within a week for walking in on a man on the toilet.  I then informed my boss, that he's making a mess in there and I'm not cleaning it so soon after being used.

7. Have you ever gotten stuck in something and had to yell for help to get out?
    I was almost 9 months pregnant and I was in the bathroom, yes on the pot. I reached over for the toilet paper and noticed a cock roach sitting on the wall next to me. I freaked out so bad, I fell on the floor in between the wall and the toilet.

8. Have you ever "sharted" (SORRY!! MY HUSBAND MADE THIS ONE UP!!!)?
    Hmm. I can't say that I can remember doing that.  But the thought of it makes me laugh!!

9. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
    14

10. If you were on Death Row, what would your last meal request be?
      Anything with Alfredo Sauce on it.  (except dog or cat food)

11. What is one of your most embarrassing moments?
      I was on a first date, and Mr. Big Spender bought us fast food for dinner.  He was driving me home and I was eating my ice from my cup.  A piece of ice went down the wrong way and I choked and barfed all over the floor of his car.  

My first therapy session

Everyone knows the old saying:  "Treat others how you want to be treated."

We try to instill that old famous quote in our children.  

WELCOME TO MY FIRST THERAPY SESSION:
But, have you thought about that quote when we talk to our children?

To be brutally honest, I never have until today.

I'm not a complete bitch to my children, but sometimes, I don't treat them, how I would like to be treated. Or how I would want other people to treat my them.

I thought to myself, why would I do that?  Is it because they are younger than me? Does that make me superior? 

Our children look to their parents as role models and if we are lucky, damn lucky we will become their idol.

It really upsets me when I think about how I've talked to my daughter.  Not so much my son, he's still little, cuddly and pretty much listens when I ask him to do something. 

My daughter is 8 years old, and I know I've repeated that quote to her many times.  She is a very nice girl, and is respectful to other children. (for the most part.)

So, this is what I'm going to do.  When she does something that is really stupid and could have been avoided if she took the time to think about it.  I will talk to her nicely without attitude or snotty tone.  And, most importantly without negative words!!

From what I'm gathering here from my Therapy Session is, I must assume somewhere in my bird brain that she should know how to solve that particular problem.  Well, maybe she really doesn't!

I want her to look up to me as a positive role model when she's older. I don't want her to think of me as a bitch or something worse.

She gives me such an attitude sometimes.. It just blows my mind.  Now that I sit here and think about it, maybe she is learning that from me! UGH!!!  Maybe she feels threatened when I give her "attitude."

As a grown woman if another adult give me attitude, it puts me in attack mode.  I know I'm not the only one either.. but, why would I do that to my child?

From what I'm gathering here from my Therapy Session is, I must assume that she should know how to solve that particular problem.  And, when I realize she doesn't know how to deal with it she gives me attitude or she breaks down all together.

My final thought on today's session is, I've bitched many times that my daughter acts like a baby sometimes and throws fits.  So maybe, when I change my attitude she will watch and learn?
One can only hope.

OUR TIME IS UP FOR TODAY.. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo

"I AM _____"

I found this on:  You Know It Happens At Your House Too. Love her blog.. check her out when you get a chance. 
"Set a timer for five minutes and write.  Write using the prompt I AM ______________________. Don't edit, don't proofread, don't change it.  You are not required to share it with anyone, even though I hope you do, but keep it close by so that on those days when you are feeling really horrible about yourself (we all know that we have those days), you can look back and remember all the things that make you wonderful." 



I am Ellen.
I am a 38 year old woman who swears she still 18. 
I am a  mother of two beautiful children 3 and 8.
I am a devoted girlfriend to the best man ever, who would do anything for me and his family. 
I am a person who doesn't say no often enough. 
I am generous.
I am bitchy.
I am loving.
I am the funniest person I know.
I am a Gemini.
I am easy going.
I am excited to become a famous author. (someday)
I am hard on myself.
I am a horrible cook.
I am still sad that both my parents have passed.
I am a hard ass.

Well.. my time is up. That was harder than I thought it would be. 

Thanks for reading.
xoxo