Two-Takes Exchange.. Take Two

Hello, Readers. Tis I, Aubree...again...back for another 

Two-Take Exchange with Bad Word Mama

. 

Just in case you need a quick preface, here's the lowdown of how this works: each week, or every other week, or monthly, or whatever, Ellen and I will take turns choosing an image. We will then share the image with the other and will write up individual "takes," describing how the image inspired or moved us. Neither of us will know in what direction the other is going until we make the swap and publish them 

(I will publish her "take" on my blog, and vice versa).

So, below is my take on this week's image. 

You can find Ellen's respective post over on The Basement walls.

 We hope you enjoy our two-takes.

Drum roll, please......... 

Dear God: 

I will try to make this brief b/c I know you are a super busy God(dess), and you probably have a whole lot of prayers to try to get around to answering, not to mention all the world dilemmas and grotesque issues of humanity that need to be addressed; and of course, there is all the smiting that needs to get done (I added another name to my "please smite" list, if you have any extra smiting time); also, there is that spider-monkey-gorilla-ant thing that just got added to the "endangered list," so I'll try to make this brief...

As you know, things have been really hard for us financially over the last two years. As a result, we've had to recently make the decision to downgrade our toilet paper, so I am basically begging you to PLEASE make one of two things happen: bring the price of Charmin w/ Aloe way down, OR please help our buttholes toughen up without having to endure the whole "wait until the callouses form" stage.

Secondly, my constipation grows worse with every passing moment. I have sent numerous letters to the Pope and Homeland Security, but they continue to ignore me. PLEASE help me prevent the irrevocable world-wide catastrophe that is pretty much guaranteed to occur when these fecal demons are finally released into our sewage and water systems (our house is not on a septic tank...as you know, b/c you are God and you know everything). 

It is no longer a question of "if;" it is only a question of "when." Please save the innocent.

As you also probably know, there are terrorists hanging out in the trees behind my house waiting to descend upon me and steal me away, so as to harness the power that is incubating in my butt (and growing stronger everyday). This is getting serious, God. *I know I have made mistakes about things stalking me in the past as a result of my paranoid delusions, but I am CERTAIN that this is way different than the time I was certain that a three-headed goose was living under my bed. I don't mean to tell you how to do things, bc you're God and all, but I think you should let that one slide. I was, after all, only 34 years old.*

And finally, God: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE bring back Jello Pudding Pops.

Amen.