It's the little things...

Since it's the dreaded Valentines Day, I will try to act like a woman who likes this holiday.
I wanted to share with ya'll the little things in life that make my heart melt.


When I say "little things" I'm not talking about Chris buying me a romantic card for no reason, I would rather him just tell me.  Flowers?  Waste of money if you ask me.  A hug for no reason?  A slap on the ass will do just fine.

What really makes me smile is, my 3 year old son who just learned how to pee standing up.  He's been potty trained since about 2 or so but I insisted on him sitting down to pee.  I've never had to clean up a mess Chris makes around the toilet, he has pretty good aim.  So, I was afraid, that Andrew would pee all over the walls just because he could.  Finally, one day about a month ago Andrew decided that the last step in his mind that would consider him a "Big Man."  He would try peeing standing up.  I was very nervous, I stood right behind him and tried to hold it for him.. just in case.. "No Mama, my weenie, I hold it."  UGH!!!
Okay, but I still stood behind him.. I didn't have time to throw a Fruit Loop or a Cheerio in the toilet for him to try to aim for.  I threw in a piece of toilet paper and told him to pee on that piece of toilet paper.

READY... AIM.... FIRE!

He did it.. he kept it in the toilet and he even remembered to shake it off when he was done.
He was ecstatic with himself.. HIGH FIVES all around!

That right there, made my freaking day!  That's a little thing to me.  I don't remember being any happier or more proud of him.  The cutest thing ever is walking by the bathroom and seeing my little man, pants down, holding on tight to himself and clenching his little butt cheeks together while he leans forward.


Emilie is only 9 years old, but sometimes she acts like she's 14.  She is quite the pig when it comes to keeping  her room clean, putting her homework back in her backpack, putting her dishes in the sink.. I think you get the point.  I'm constantly on her ass about these things.  Every once in a while she will surprise me and do what I consider little things without me asking. She is not the kind of child who gets excited over things like opening gifts.  She likes the idea of getting presents, but when she opens them, even if it's something she's been begging me for, she shows no excitement.  Anyone who knows her, knows this is so true.  She is a lot like me, when she doesn't show emotion, she doesn't share her feelings hardly ever.  She isn't one for hugging or showing her love.  Although, she loves me and her father very much, she never says it.  One weekend, she was camping with her Girl Scout troop and I came the next day to join them, when I walked up she ran to me and hugged me!  OH MY.. my little girl hugged me. I didn't want to let go, she struggled to get out of my embrace, because I guess I was embarrassing her. Hope I didn't ruin it forever. Mama loves hugs and kisses.

While driving Chris to work this morning, (because we only have one car) he turned to me and said.. "Happy Valentines Day."  I looked at him, "Huh?"
"It's Valentines Day."
Damn, I completely forgot!
He said, " I didn't get anything for you yet."
"I didn't get anything for you either."  I said.
We agreed right then, really without saying the words, that neither one of us wants or needs anything for this ridiculous holiday.
Just the fact that he remembered what day it was and I didn't, made me smile.

I hope everyone has a day filled with roses and candy.  Me? I just hope Chris gets off work in time to have dinner with his family.  And, my favorite Aunt is coming today to visit.
(I said "favorite Aunt", she is in no way related to the Aunt I hate who visits me every month.)

Thanks for reading
xoxo

Reading ruined my sex life!

Some of you know, I'm a big fan of reading.  I will read almost anything but, what warm blooded woman doesn't love to read the steamy, sexy stories?  Well, I do.  I blame the 50 Shades trilogy for this addiction.  I'm not really addicted, but it's kind of hard to find a book now that doesn't include steamy sex scenes.
 (I don't really look very hard.)

I have read so many of them, my view of a man, husband, boyfriend and a lover is completely ruined!
Let me explain if you will, are any of these points below consistent in your sexual relationship?

• Is it weird if I want to pour Jack Daniels over my body then he cleans it up with his tongue?  

• When he smiles my nipples harden.

• Multiple orgasms within just a few minutes.  (If this is you ladies.. way to go!!)

• Why can't my man, call my hoo-ha "Damp petals?" 

• He gently wipes the smudge off of my face then kisses it.. NOPE.. I get. "Um Ellen you got some weird crusty shit on your face." while pointing and laughing.

• Period?  No problem he will dry hump me until I get what I need.  

• He whispers, "We fit together like we were made for each other."  No duh, dumbass.. round peg in a round hole!

• Makes me tell him everything I want him to do to me.  

• Rock hard, tanned body, and he never wears a shirt. Only enough hair on his chest to be considered a man. 

• Beautiful green eyes, that make my panties moist just looking at him. 

None of that shit above exists in my world, except for the books I read.  I put down the book and look over at Chris while he's chewing with his mouth open.  He looks over, "Why are you looking at me?"
"No reason, just looking."  I smile.

 GRUNT..GRUNT.. CHEW..CHEW... SLOBBER..

<<Head shake>>

Hmm.. back to my book and to the life where everything above is a normal day.

Thanks for reading.

xoxo

Throw a girl a bone and vote for me.  Look for me down in the 150's

I need closure...

Dear Deb,

I can't believe it's taken me almost 12 years to write down my feelings about what you did.
Not only what you did to me, what you did to your family, your friends and yourself!

I'm no longer mad at you, I was for a long, long time.

What you did was weak, I thought you were stronger than that!

That rainy Thursday on September 6th 2001, I was so excited all day thinking about going with you to pick up your new puppy.  I still remember what you were going to name him.   Bailey, after your favorite drink.
I called you, over and over and you never answered your phone.  I went home after work and ate dinner, I was worried.  David and I were both worried, we drove to your house.  I remember the rain was so light, the mist damped my hair and my heart.  I knocked.. no answer.  I looked through windows and saw no one.

My whole being knew, I knew what happened. I didn't have a key, I couldn't get in.

There was nothing else I could do, we had to go home.  I called your parents, they had to go to your house, I couldn't get in.
I waited and I waited, I paced, I cried, I shook, my whole body, mind and soul shook.  I tried to force myself to believe, you were out having a drink.  You didn't answer the door when I came, because you weren't there.

Then....


The phone rang at 7:58 that evening... we followed the ambulance all the way up to your house.

I don't even remember getting out of the car.

Your life was coming together again, I could see it.  You had a fucking plan!
THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN!

I guess I am still mad.

Do you have any idea what I went through?  I cried everyday, sometimes all day!  Do you know what your friendship meant to me?  Do you know?
How could you throw away your whole life, you were only 28 years old.  How can someone decide, they are done after that little time?
All you left behind was a letter, a fucking stupid letter, those words you chose to write didn't help.  It didn't help me understand why!

I knew you were sad, but I didn't know it was that bad.  Why didn't you just talk to me about it?

I talk about you all the time, I think about you everyday.  I can't believe 12 years have gone by.  I close my eyes and I can still see you smile, I hear your laugh, you were always so happy. How can you let one person make you feel like you had nothing left.  Do you know over 200 people came to your funeral.  You had friends, people who loved you. Lots of people!

The void of your presence, our friendship is still there in my heart, I haven't filled that hole with another person.  I have friends, good friends, but that little spot that you lived within me, will always stay dormant.

You were one of the only people on this earth, who truly knew me.

After you died, I had to start over.  I left that whole life and anyone who was in it when you were alive.
I started over, the way you were supposed to.

I wanted you to know my children, you would have loved them, they would have loved you.

I've had many dreams of you since you left this world,  I choose to believe that you are coming to tell me that you are happy and safe.

I want you to know, even though I still get mad and sad about the decision you made, I forgive you!

I forgive you...

I miss you..

I love you.

Your Best Friend,

Ellen

My Tuesday letter....

A fellow blogger has decided that she is going to be writing and publishing a letter.  She invited other bloggers to do the same.  I thought about it, and I think I will join.  We are supposed to write a letter to someone who has hurt you or someone you we never got to say goodbye to.
When I saw her post on this, I knew exactly what I was going to write. It is actually a long time coming.  Hopefully it will be good therapy for me.


I will be linking up to her blog tomorrow (Tuesday, Feb 12th), come back then to read my letter.


In the mean time, visit The Insomniac's Dream, she is an amazing writer who keeps me entertained.

See you all tomorrow.

-Ellen