Disturbed

I'm a big believer that dreams are messages or communication from the "other side" or even something about yourself deep down that you didn't know or realize.
The latter of the explanations I think are true to this re-occurring dream I have from time to time.

It's based in a huge mansion.. there are nothing but bedrooms everywhere. Every bedroom has a bed and is equipped for a guest at any time. I'm never alone in the house, there are people visible some talk to me some don't I seem to know these people but not in this world.

The house is so damn huge I end up having to walk someone around and show them how to get from one room to another. There is at least 2 floors to this house. The stairway to the second floor is a grand staircase, it's wide enough for 4 people to walk up together standing next to each other, and it seems to curve to the right once you get onto the landing. When I get to the landing there isn't a left, well if there is, I've never looked in that direction. I notice that there are boxes stacked on the landing one after another. But it doesn't feel cluttered to me. The landing curves to the right and its like a huge hallway. I know there are rooms on the second floor, but I've never visited them. This is the part of the dream that takes an odd turn.

I always walk up the stairway and get to the landing, but I NEVER go any further than that. I feel there is something evil up there. I so badly want to see what's up there, but I can never get myself any further than the boxes.

The last time I had this dream was about a month and a 1/2 ago. I think about it all the time and I want to go back in the dream and make myself walk past the boxes. When I lay down at night I think about that mansion hoping that I will dream about it again.

Last night while trying to drown out Chris' snoring, I was thinking about why I'm not able to get back into that dream. And I think maybe I figured it out.. well maybe. I do take an anti anxiety pill everyday, but when I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd baby in January, I stopped taking the pill.
And I believe that's when I was having that specific dream. I've since lost that pregnancy to miscarriage and I've started taking my "crazy pill" again. And now I'm not having the dream.
I wonder if the dream or the evil room upstairs has anything to do with my feelings or attitude when I wasn't taking the pill. I can't remember for the life of me, if I had the dream before I stopped taking the pill.
I'm afraid that maybe I'm the Evil force upstairs.

7 Days of Sex

Warning before you read this it does contain sexual content, and some foul language. If you are prudent please don't read. You will probably think "TMI". But you've been warned.

Of course I didn't come up with idea on my own, I saw it on T.V. There is a new show called "7 Days of Sex".
So I set my DVR up to record it, and I watched it yesterday morning. It's basically about couples who are not feeling connected and of course the man is bitching he doesn't get enough sex from his partner. This is a argument that Chris and I have on a daily basis. So I thought, let me watch this show and maybe I can learn something. It's hard for me to step outside of my head and see Chris' point of view. To me all I hear is, "We never have sex.. blah.. blah".  I was actually motivated by this show, the couples make a deal that they will have sex everyday for 7 days. NO EXCUSES. Basically at the end of the week they are more connected and closer. They learn to respect each other and their needs. I know some of you are probably saying to yourself, Duh Ellen that's common sense!  I just never thought about it that way before. I would rather freaking take a nap or go to bed early rather then have sex. I'm fucking tired!!!!!!!  So I need to get out of the the mind set that it's a "deed" or a "chore". Last night I told Chris about the show and I asked him to watch it with me, and we can take the challenge. Your not gonna believe what he said to me... he said: I don't want to have sex 7 days a week!!!! What the Hell.. why the fuck has he been bugging me every god dang night about it!!!!!!
ARRRR... I thought ok, he must be confused. So I explained that we don't have sex everyday damn day forever. It's just for 7 days. He still didn't want to watch the show. So the challenge didn't start last night.

Below is the link to the show:

"7 Days of Sex"

What the Hell was I Thinking!

Sometimes I like to look back in the past and go over all the decisions I made that were horrible mistakes. I guess I just like to punish myself or maybe to remind myself to think a little more before I make a big life changing experience. First thing I think of is quitting my job at Bernie Little Dist. to start a Real Estate career. Although I can truly say that was really not my doing, Chris actually talked me into it! So I blame him for that. And I guess myself for listening to him. Second, selling our nice car for cash and a piece of shit to replace it.(Which is the car I mentioned in the blog before which blew up) Third, quitting my job at Express Care to stay home w/ our son Andrew. I never got to stay home w/ Emilie after she was born, so I thought I was missing something. Come to find out, if you have no money and no car, it's not all it's cracked up to be. In retrospect it's not really a "mistake" because I enjoy being with him, he makes me laugh when I'm not yelling at him. (j/k). And if I had a "real" job then I wouldn't have been able to start this blog. haha

 I regret not doing better in high school so I could go to a "real" college and actually be something. I'm sure there are many people who feel that way. At least I hope so.

When Andrew was around one year old, I decided that I would try to make money at home, one of the many attempts I've made this one was the worst I think. Selling Mary Kay!!!!  Don't get me wrong they have amazing products, but shit, if I can't sell a house, how the hell am I supposed to sell over priced make up!! I didn't so that was $100 down the drain.

Then some friends and I started a "Extreme Couponing" business. We made and sold coupon binders and we even taught a few classes. We included coupons in all the binders, had to dive in a few dumpsters for those. Not proud of it but it was kind of funny. But, it was taking away from my couponing. So had to quit that too.  And then eventually stopped couponing too. (Note: get back into couponing)

A few months ago I decided I was going to learn how to sew. So I had my friend Kyley help me learn how to use a sewing machine. Didn't get too far with that either, I have like 10 pillows to show my work for that. 

But shit I can't even afford to go buy fabric to use. Chris will probably come home one day and find all his clothes are missing, but he has a homemade quilt to curl up with. 

I've always liked to write and to tell stories, I love to make people laugh. I'm quite the smart ass. And yes I will use someone's misfortune to make someone else laugh. I don't do it to be mean, it's just funny to me and most people unless your the one I'm making fun of. And I always do it in front of the other person so I'm not officially "talking behind their back". 

As of today, I started a blog, not even sure what I'm going to write about, I guess just whatever I'm feeling at that moment or something that happened in my past that I feel like sharing. My goal is to make people laugh and actually learn who I am. But I'm sure not everything will be all fun and games. 

Those blogs will probably be the day I forget to take my "nice mommy pill".


Do you have any mistakes or regrets you would like to share??

My Boring Little Life

I started this blog as an outlet for me to just do something. I love to write and tell stories. I'm so sick of watching the same old shit on t.v. I have no good books to read right now, so I have to amuse myself somehow.
As of now, I'm a stay at home mom of 2 children. My daughter Emilie is 8 years old and my son Andrew is 2 about to be 3 in July. I also have no car, before we moved last year the engine in my POS Ford took a crap. So I'm stuck in the boonies with no car and a 2 year old!!!
It's exactly the way I pictured my life 15 years ago. So I'm just living the dream.


So the title of my blog: "Bad Word Mama" I used it because I do curse more than I should in front of my kids. I'm not proud of it, but I speak the truth. My son who is 2 will point his little finger at me and say:


"Bad Word Mama"!!!!