Did you know?...

I was just sitting here trying not to pay attention to the 2 crazy ass toddlers running around my living room acting like cats, and these two words jumped in my brain "useless information."  So I thought, maybe that would be a good post.  Well, it was either that or the conversation that Chris and I had about blue balls. I chose the first option, even though the second is considered useless information to you, and to be frank it's useless to me too.  Anyway, I Googled "useless information" and there are a shit ton of websites dedicated to this topic.  Before you google it yourself, most of all these website had all the same information.  So, I chose 9 to share with you today. I added one of my own, not sure if it's a fact, but I find it interesting.



Did you know....


While having sex you burn 360 calories per hour.  Wow! Can someone please do the math and tell me how much you burn in 3.5 minutes? (uselessfacts.net)

The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.  I like this fact actually, because I hate sitting at red lights.  I get super annoyed, and now I have good reason, the fucking thing is sucking the life out of me!!  (uselessfacts.net)

Men can read smaller print than women, women can hear better.  I'm really not sure about the reading part, but the hearing part, I call BULLSHIT, I think they are just better at tuning out women and children. (dbmproaudio.com/facts.html)

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.  Holy shit, who would have thought, make sure you let your friends know to never to do this.  Also, how the hell did they find out this fact? Are there scientist just injecting people or animals with random spices?  (dbmproaudio.com/facts.html)


If  you mouth the word "colorful" to someone, it looks like you're saying "I love you."  I didn't know that about the word "colorful" I did know about "olive juice."  I wonder how many more look like "I love you?"  Do you think my daughter will think it's fun if I ask her to sit down with me while I move my mouth saying random shit and she can tell me what she thinks I'm saying? Actually, she probably would, but now it sounds boring. Although, what words could look like "fuck you" with out saying fuck you?  Hmm..  (thechive.com)

When a person cries and the first drop of tears come from the right eye, it's happiness, when it's from the left, it's pain.   I find this kind of cool. I had no idea and I will definitely be testing this theory out.
Now, how will I remember this, with out screwing up which eye meant what?   (thechive.com)

Vanilla comes from the Latin word "vagina."    Umm.. really! That's kind of gross.  Now, every time I eat anything with vanilla, I will think of this and since my brain likes to picture everything, I will see vagina. Damn you people with this fact!
 (thechive.com)

Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy and Scooby-Doo.  I knew he was Shaggy's voice but I didn't know it was Scooby's voice too.  If any of you are reading this wondering who Casey Kasem is.. SCREW YOU!  For making me feel old.  





Most lipstick contains fish scales.  Interesting, I like to make fun of my last name and call myself "Fish lips." But, now it has a whole new meaning.  (http://freepages.misc.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~kelmar/story3.htm)



That some people can't keep their feet flat on the floor while pooping.  How did I know that?  Well, I actually thought about that a long time ago and I took a poll and they would report back to me after they did their business to let me know if they could poop with their feet flat on the floor.  I have no numbers to support this useless information, just know that I giggled every time someone said the word "poop."  The only thing that sucks about sharing this information that you will probably be thinking of me the next time you're on the pot!  (this one is mine)



So, did you learn anything from this useless information?  I did. Not that I will remember any of them tomorrow.  Actually, I forgot a few already.

Thanks for reading,
xoxo


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Entertainment news that you simply can not live with out!

This week has been pretty slow here in my hood, nothing much to report.  Oh, I forgot, one thing happened, CSI was here yesterday. They were in the apartment of the guy who wears his pants too low. I thought maybe he died.. well this is how I pictured it in my head. He realized he was burning his microwave popcorn and got up too fast and his pants were down so damn low he tripped and fell and smacked his head on the coffee table.  Turns out no one died, but they did leave with a few bags of evidence. So, I thought I would take a look at what's going on with celebrities. Maybe I could find some juicy gossip there.

Here are some I found...

This just goes to show you that the Kardashians will make entertainment news for just about anything.

Good God what will they consider news next?  Kourtney has her dingle berries removed by a professional. 

Okay, next is an event that celebrities attended on Monday it had something to do with Punk Rock. I've looked at many of the pics, but the one with Nicole Richie kind of scared the shit out of me.  What the hell has she turned into?  An old black lady? Is her skin normally that tan?  And, I didn't realize that grey hair was considered punk rock. I guess I'm am just out of touch with fashion.  If you want to read the whole article plus a video of Nichole click HERE. (Yes, I do know that Nichole's father is black)

I'm not a fan of Myley Cyrus, but her hair looks rock on!!

Because, this is something that really should be news worthy. 

Looks like Jessica Alba had a "Nip Slip"

Where the hell are all the camera's when my shit plops out of my shirt when I forgot to put on a bra?

I seriously can not believe that these celebrities get stalked so much that someone actually got a shot of this!

Holy Shit, there were 2 nip slips this week?  This must be a new trend with the celeb's that I've been doing for the past 3 years. Damnit ya'll are so behind in the times!!

Olivia Munn

I will be the first to admit, I know NOTHING about the show "Honey Boo Boo."  I haven't watched even one single episode.  To be quite honest a few months ago, I kept seeing that name all over the internet including Facebook.  I thought to myself, "What the fuck is a Honey Boo Boo."  So I Googled it, all I really wanted to know what that name meant. So I found what I was looking for, not impressed and got on with my day.  So, I saw this on the "news" this morning.  

I didn't read the article, the headline made no sense to me because I'm not familiar with the characters. 

all I thought was.  What.the.fuck.is.that!  That dress is a train wreck!  If you would like to read the article attached to this monstrosity of a dress click HERE 

Lastly, looks like Megan Fox jumps on a trampoline!  Well son of a bitch, if that shit isn't news I don't know what is.  Looks like she will be in the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I hope everyone feels up to date now.  I know our lives would not be complete with out knowing all of this important information.  I would like to thank "E!" for providing great celebrity news. 

Thanks for reading and hopefully laughing,

xoxo

Sunday Silliness..

Do you ever get in a goofy ass mood where everything seems funny?

God, I love when that happens to me.  What makes it even funnier is that, it usually happens at home. Well, where else would it happen?  I fucking go no where else.

Anyway, what makes it funny is that Chris has like NO sense of humor.  I don't think he has ever acted silly ever!  I can look past that, because I'm goofy enough for both of us.

That fuckhole came across some app on his phone that you can get points when you check in while you are watching a certain show.  He was so damn excited about it, he had to explain the whole process and when I said do you realize how many point you actually have to earn to get something?

He about came out his lazy fucking boy because, I was WRONG! Wrong I tell you! Haha.
"I only need 3,500,000 more points to get a Kindle Fire HD."  he yelled because apparently I'm deaf.
"Really? And, how many points do you have?" I asked very nicely.
"Um, 5,000."
"Well, then you have a lot of fucktard T.V to watch because I want that fuckstick thing for my birthday."
(which is at the end of this month.)

Okay, that tiff was over and then he started talking more about whatever the shit he was watching on T.V.
I pretended to be listening like I always do. Until he said "Tiffle."  Okay, I have no idea what he was meaning to say, but that made me laugh uncontrollably.  He about blew a fucknutt, because I started laughing at him.
Chris does not like to be laughed at, which makes it even harder not to laugh.

This is the shit I have to deal with on the weekend.  We go back and forth all day long and he finds none of it funny! I find all of it funny.  It infuriates him to no end how I can take something as simple as "Tiffle" and giggle about it for hours.

I had posted something on Facebook today, that I said that he didn't find funny.

Chris just got aggravated with me because I call margarine, butter. I told him I call both butter cause margarine sounds too fancy!. He shook his head and walked away. See, he can't argue when he knows I'm right. ;)

I think of it this way, I have 2 choices.. I can either go fuckersucker crazy every time he opens his mouth.
Or, I can laugh at everything.  I'm really hoping that I can rub off on him. (ewww, not like that!)

That was my fucking Sunday.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo

Taking a pass on "E"

I am currently trying to do the Swearing Challenge, although I do not know any bad words that start with "E".  So, since I failed at that challenge I will accept a new award that is making it's way around our blogosphere.  I love new awards!  Beware though, I will be back for letter "F"

Thank you to Dates 2 Diapers for giving me this awesome new award!

There are only 3 rules to this award or trophy. 

1.  Display the trophy in your post.

2.  Write a short piece that starts with this: I did not kill _____ today.  It does not have to be a person, it can be an appliance, a business or anything else you choose. 

3.  Nominate a few people to pass the trophy on to and let them know it's their turn to vent. 

You know the best thing I like to do is bitch vent.  So if you will excuse me I will gladly accept this trophy.


I did not kill my boyfriend (Chris) today because well I was hungry and he needed to cook me dinner.
We sit together and watch T.V., well not together.. in separate chairs, we are definitely over the honeymoon phase of our relationship. Plus, if our 3 year old son see's us sitting together, he gets really pissed off. We do sit together sometime to piss Andrew off. (I know evil)  While sitting in the same room he watches T.V while I either read or play on the computer.  He loves to watch stupid shit like Ancient Aliens or some weird cooking shows.  The particular cooking show he was watching, well really isn't a cooking show it's a guy with huge side burns who travels America tasting different kinds of burgers.  Well, Chris likes to talk while he watches T.V. he asks me question after question. I answer the one's I feel need to be answered. (I'm not a big talker)

"Wow, look at that a Po' Boy burger, would you eat that?"  Chris asks.
"Um. Probably not, I like shrimp Po' Boy."  I answer with a smirk.
"ELLEN, IT'S JUST A BURGER ON A ROLL INSTEAD OF A BUN."  he yells.
"Holy shit, well... let's just have a fucking aneurysm about it."  I giggle as he gets up and walks out of the room.

He seriously gets so upset whenever I don't agree with him about something he saw on T.V.  Sometimes, I do agree, but I like to disagree just to aggravate him. I have to get my shits and giggles from somewhere.

He finished watching his show and went to the store to buy groceries for dinner.  All is good now.

I would like to pass this trophy to the following bloggers to whom I adore. (did I use whom correctly?  I never know)

Life Cherries

Workin' Man Mama

My Life as Lucille



I would also like to thank,
**Dates 2 Diapers**
**Christy's Crafty Corner**
**Comfy Town Chronicles**

For giving me the Liebster and/or the Inspiring Blogger Award.  I didn't get a chance to make a whole post about them but I did want to thank you!  Go check out these great blogs.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo