It happened slowly, I barely noticed the change. The love that was given so freely before was now set by rules and boundaries. If the boundaries were crossed the leash was pulled, not hard at first but I felt the squeeze.
Over time, I learned where the boundaries laid and I was careful not to cross them, it wasn’t worth the restraint of my leash.
Everyday was a new day, I hope for the best. Excited to see my person at the end of the day.
When night fell so did my hope and silent tears wet my trusting soul.
I adapted to my role and what was expected of me. I stopped hoping for love and acceptance from my original master. I still obeyed the rules but I did so with bitterness. I complied with the rules for the little ones.
After many years of what felt like being strangled by his leash, I realized that I was not the animal he could control.
Even though I was never at ease with him or myself there, I was scared. Scared to find out who I really was.
Questions I asked myself everyday..
Will I always shy away like a beaten dog whenever true compassion is shown toward me?
Will a new person just try to put their leash on me?
Are my scars visible?
Am I worthy of true judgement-free love?
Was I the problem?
Why am I terrified to express my feelings and emotions?
These are questions that I look within myself for the answers.
I then remembered these aren’t real questions, they are statements that I heard more times I care to count from who was supposed to love me unconditionally.
Now, I rely on myself alone to make sure I never have to endure these feelings ever again!
Statements I live by are new and loving..
I am worthy of everything I deserve
I can love like no other
I will not be used, or hidden behind a veil of secrecy.
My life is full and complete
I don’t want a relationship, I want a partnership.
Everyday is perfect, exactly the way it is supposed to be… Leash free