Oh no, what did I do!?!

Emilie isn't the kind of child who asks a lot of questions about things.

This afternoon, after I picked her up from school, she goes in her room and does whatever she does in there to entertain herself.

Then she came out and stood right in front of me and said:

"Mommy, is the Tooth Fairy real?"

"Yes, Emilie the Tooth Fairy is real."  I look her right in the eye.

"Mommy, you can tell me the truth you know, I won't be upset if you say no."

"Emilie, I'm telling you, there is a Tooth Fairy."

"Are you sure you don't just give me money when I lose my teeth."

Okay, I'm starting to freak out a bit, she never has that many questions.  And usually when I tell her the answer once she doesn't question it again.

Luckily I'm a great actress.. (some people call it liar, I choose to call it acting.)

"Emilie you know how cheap I am. Unless you earn the money yourself  I don't just hand out money, right?"

She looks me right in the face, waiting for me to crack a smile, looking for something to tip her off.

Like I said, I'm a good actress, and she takes the answer and goes back to her room.
She comes out a few minutes later to get a drink and I decide to question her.

"Emilie, why were you asking me so many questions about the Tooth Fairy.  Did someone say something to you in school?"

"Nope, I was just wondering."  she saunters back to her bedroom.

I can't help to think about why she asked me such a random question.  She doesn't even have a loose tooth and hasn't lost one in quite a few months.

Then it dawns on me.. Holy shit, I was talking about Santa on the way home from school.

I've had a really bad day, we are having major money problems.  We left our Christmas decorations back in Ocala when we moved.  My best friend was coming down this weekend to visit, and she was bringing my
decorations with her.  She called today to tell me they weren't coming because she got the flu.  I seriously was and still am pretty sad about her not coming.  I miss her something crazy!

So, then I started thinking. Oh my God, how the hell are we going to decorate without my decorations.  We can not afford to buy all new stuff.  Then, I starting thinking about, how the hell are we even going to afford presents.  I was so sad today.  I feel like everything is just piled on top of me and I can't breathe.
Back in the car, on the way home from school.   Emilie was talking about everything she wants for Christmas, and I did something really, really bad.

"Emilie baby, you know I can't afford everything you want."
"Mommy, Santa will bring it all."
"Umm, no.. Santa doesn't bring all of your gifts he only brings a few and Mommy and Daddy buy the rest."

As soon as I seen her face.  I could have rolled my own head up in the window.
What the hell did I just do?  I asked myself.

Well, I guess I can't cover it up now.  I have to just go with it now.
"Emilie, I think sometimes he brings more one year and less another year.  He has so many children to deliver gifts to."

She answers "Oh."

Then she let it go.  Until the whole Tooth Fairy conversation came up.

Oh my God, what did I do?  Did I ruin it for my 8 year old daughter?

I feel horrible!

Two time Liebster Award winner

Thank you to Aubree from Akashic Aisles: The Basement View

I'm supposed to answer these eleven questions that Aubree chose herself..

1.) Do you consider yourself to be super-duper fly?
I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF SUPER DUPER FLY.  MAYBE, ONLY SUPER FLY.. NOT MY APPEARANCE THOUGH, I THINK I HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR. 

2.) What is your favorite reality show?
OH, THIS ONE IS EASY.. I LOVE BIG BROTHER.  I'VE WATCHED THAT SHOW SINCE IT BEGAN.

3.) Do you fear that the Apocalypse or Armageddon will occur in your lifetime?
NOPE

4.) What is one of your top three favorite quotes of all time?
QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND SUCK IT UP
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

5.) Who is your Favorite writer?
STEPHEN KING IS MY FAVORITE WRITER.. BUT I READ A LOT OF EVERYTHING.

6.) Can you recite any movie in its entirety, and if so, which one?
PRETTY WOMAN

7.) What one person has most influenced your life thus far?
ACTUALLY, I CAN'T THINK OF ONE PERSON.  MAYBE THAT'S WHY I FEEL LOST ALL THE TIME.

8.) What is your favorite childhood memory?
TALKING MY MOM INTO DOING A CARTWHEEL IN THE FRONT YARD, WHILE SHE WAS WEARING A DRESS!


9.) Why do you blog?
I THINK I BLOG BECAUSE IT'S AN OUTLET FOR ME.  I'VE ALWAYS LIKE TO WRITE, AND TELL STORIES.

10.) What is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to you?
I HAVE MORE THAN ONE AND I GOING TO WRITE THEM ALL.
1.  I WAS HELD UP BY GUN POINT YEARS AGO.
2.  WHEN MY BEST FRIEND DIED.
3.  WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN AND I ALMOST DIED OF BLOOD LOSS.
4.  WHEN MY SON WAS BORN AND HIS LUNGS WEREN'T FULLY DEVELOPED.

And finally, number 11) Do you wipe front to back or back to front?
DEFINITELY, FRONT TO BACK.. I DON'T WANT ANY DINGLE BERRIES IN MY LADY BUSINESS.


Thank you again for the award..
Everyone, please go check out Aubree's Blog.  She is an amazing writer and has a way with words that you will want to read over and over again.
Akashic Aisles: The Basement View

Thanks for reading,
xoxo

Yes, I am the Grinch!

I've never been a fan of Christmas since I hit adulthood and had to play Santa.

When I had children, my idea of Christmas changed.   I thought this is going to be so great, watching my kids open her presents.  Yes, it was great for a while. But as they get older the more stressful it gets.


Let's talk about Christmas decorations now.. they are almost as bad as Christmas songs.  It all makes me want to punch Rudolph in his big fat red nose!

We put up the decorations and the Christmas tree and they annoy me until the day I take them down.  And that day is usually the day after Christmas.  It's sad to say, but I'm usually happy and chipper while taking down the Christmas tree compared to me putting it up.

I have a problem with clutter.. and I see Christmas decorations as clutter.  The big ass tree is always in the way of the T.V.  The kids touch the ornaments   At least this year, I don't have to worry about any cats/dogs climbing up the tree and eating the ornaments.

Maybe, one year I will turn into the jolly guy instead of the green hairy guy.  That day will come when I have enough money to be able to buy my children and Chris what they want, and not have to worry about money.


It's all about money, I want this, I want that.  I have to keep up the "Santa" charade to scare them into being good in November, December.

Seems like every five minutes I'm called into a bedroom where my daughter or son wants to show me some commercial with a toy they want.  I can't remember which Monster High Doll she wants.. and I have to make sure "Santa" brings the Spiderman mask with the light up eyes and this certain kind of Web Shooter.

"Mommy, I want a new iPhone, since I lost mine."  

(Yeah, right like that's gonna happen!!)

Before Andrew was born.  I think Emilie was 3 or 4 years old.  I took her to Kmart and I let her pick out all of the toys she wants for Christmas.  Then, when she was satisfied, I rolled our over filling cart to the back of the store, where adults call layaway.  But, that year I called it, the portal to Santa's workshop.  I told her that, we would bring all these toys here and Santa will come by (through the secret portal) and pick which toys he wants to bring her on Christmas morning.  It actually worked out really well.  And, I'm not ashamed of doing it. I was then sure, she liked everything she would get for Christmas. I only did that once with her.  But, we were thinking of doing that with Andrew this year, but now it's too late to do it. 

When I think about it, I just feel bad that I know they are not going to get everything they want.  And, I will have to look at their disappointed faces when all the presents are gone and Santa didn't bring the one thing they forgot to tell me about or write down on their list. 

Chris and I haven't exchanged gifts since Andrew was born.. we just can't afford it. I really don't need/want anything, but to make my children happy.  

It is what it is I guess... 

Thanks for reading,

xoxo