Would this be considered Fan Mail?

Welcome to Take Two of April’s Secret Subject Swap. 
This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 
Thank you to Karen at Baking in a Tornado for hosting!

This is my first time participating in the Secret Subject Swap and I have to admit I'm kind of nervous doing this. I hope I can live up to all the other amazing bloggers who are participating! 



My subject is: "Dear Kardashians." 
It was submitted by:  My Life as Lucille.  


Here it goes: 


Dear Kardashians,

I have to admit that I haven't watched very many of your shows. I know who everyone is and I think I've formed an opinion that I can share.

I would like to start with the step dad Bruce;  Yes, I am aware you are an Olympic winner.. blah, blah do you have to bring it up ever time you open your mouth?  Speaking of opening your mouth, how is that even possible anymore?  I don't mean to sound rude but, are you trying to look like Liza Minnelli?  Not the look a man should be going for. Just my opinion!

Kris, from what I've heard you actually like your man looking like that! Are you trying to turn him into a woman? If you're a lesbian, that's okay just come out already.  I know you've had work done too, and that's okay, but there is a point that you just have to stop. You are not 23 years old anymore and no amount of surgery can make you look like it.  It's kind of sick if you are trying to look like your daughters.  Be the Mom, a grown ass woman, not a wanna be.

Hey Scott, why don't you stay home every once and a while and play with the kids you helped make?  Speaking of being a man, what the hell do you even do for a living? Mooch off your the family?  All I ever see you do is party and whine that Kourtney is a bitch. 

I do agree with Scott somewhat though, Kourtney does come off as quite bitchy!  
You and your sisters are supposed to be running a business right?  Well, why do they do all the work while you sit home with your kid on your teet? Boo-hoo Scott doesn't pay enough attention to me (sniff, sniff) well do something about it dammit!  You are more than a mother you know!
I'm a mother as well, but I have other things I like to do besides staying home with them all the time. Go do something with your spouse, maybe he will pay more attention to you. 

Khloe', I've only seen you on the Miami show this year, but what I've seen is hilarious!  I like that you tell it like it is.  The show where you were addicted to that coffee and you took the scooter out in the middle of the night was very entertaining!  I haven't watched your show with you and your husband, it just looks kind of boring. But, who knows, maybe I will check it out one day if I have nothing better to do. 

Rob, oh dear God would you please quit whining so much! 
My kids whine less than you!
A little piece of advice; grow some damn balls already!  Do you seriously have to cry about everything?  Stop bugging your sisters for money and just go get a damn job! We are so very sorry you weren't born with tits and a big ass like your sisters, work with what you have! 
Also, you are not going to find a respectable woman with the party girls you're always hang out with!  Maybe, here's an idea.. instead of blubbering about your weight, go to the gym and find a woman there!

I've saved my favorite for last. 

Kim, I think you are too freaking funny.  Your a duh kind of funny!  You know what I mean? No? That's okay.  Same as Khloe' I've only seen you on the Miami show.  I won't bring up the sex tape thing.. oops.. doesn't matter I haven't seen it nor do I want to.
I really didn't follow you when you were married for like 3 days or something like that. Of course it was all over the news.  I didn't pay much attention to it though, I don't really give a bull-spit about it. 

So, I hear you are pregnant now.  Wow, congrats! 
Hope you carry in the front if you know what I mean? No? That's okay sweetie, it will all even out.


Hope this letter finds you all well, 

Love,
Fan #2,341,451
Oh shit who am I kidding, I'm not really a fan! 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  

Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking in a Tornado

Peanut Layne

Menopausal Mother

Sadder But Wiser Girl

Evil Joy Speaks

The Black Sheep Mom

Home on Deranged

Victoria Rose Vintage

Dates 2 Diapers

My Life as Lucille

Thanks for reading,
xoxo