Sunday, January 20, 2013
If you read my last post about being positive and all that business, there is a affirmation that I need to say to myself more. I only think it, I never say it out loud. What the hell am I afraid of? Am I afraid to say it out loud because, I feel like the end isn't near? Because, if I say it I will be held accountable?
I need to be held accountable, everyone should be held accountable if they tell people what their dream is.
I have it all in my noggin, it's all there but.... Damn that "but" always slips out of my mouth. I need to stop using that word! It's me, I'm standing in my way.
I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection. Yes, I know everyone is afraid of rejection. I don't give a crud, I'm talking about me here!
My dream is possible, attainable, I know it is. If I close my eyes I can imagine my dream becoming my life.
I'm not sure why it is when I get on my laptop I avoid that little file. The first think I go to is that blasted Facebook! It's a file that will change my life as I know it. I can only hope and dream that it will make my life and my family's life better.
Why can't I find the motivation within myself to just freaking do it!
So, I'm here to tell you all what my dream is, what the 4 word affirmation I need to say to myself everyday.
I need you.. yes you, to hold me accountable.
I AM A WRITER!
Yes, Yes!! I've said it. Damn that felt so good. I've actually never written that down before.
Maybe, I don't think of myself as a writer because what I want people to read isn't out there yet. I'm not a published writer. I want to be a published writer more than anything. Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would still want this so bad.
I've been working on a book for over a year. I have the whole thing already written in my head. I personally think it is amazing. I've typed out many, many words. Then I've deleted all those words. I stopped I decided no, that's not the story I want to write. For a few months I didn't write, but I never stopped thinking about that story. So, I started it all over again. What if I get it all done and then realize I could have made it better by doing this or that?
Okay, I need to just get the hell over it and do what I want to do, NO, what I NEED to do.
Thanks for reading my page of rantings.
at 9:24 PM