This post contains adult humor and sexual content. If you are a prude who does not like to read or talk about sex please exit this post now.
You're in the middle of a love fest, okay I wouldn't really use the word love. But, you get the idea.
You are vulnerable an free of inhibition. Sometimes shit happens, well hopefully not literally shit. Although, if that makes your fur burger greasy good for you. (I guess)
There are numerous noises that happen when you are bumping uglies. Embarrassing as all that can be, I'm talking about something that makes you grunt and not out of pleasure.
Flat on your back and you feel something wet on your chest. Opening your eyes and you see him working like a dirty old dog.
Ick! What the fuck was that? Hmm, maybe it was his sweat, feels like he's trying to drill for oil down there.
Wiping the wet spot from your chest and you're about to close your eyes and try to get your mind back to business. Although, you see it , it's coming right for you. It feels like it's all happening in slow motion but you're stuck. You are trapped under this gorilla with no where to go!
PLOP.. right on your chest.
Holy Shit! He just drooled.
What do you do? Pretend it didn't happen and let him finish drilling your tunnel hoping he finds the good stuff?
<<Tap on his shoulder>>
"Um, excuse me, can you close your mouth? I feel like I'm drowning down here!"
This poke party is over!!
Needless to say, that was the last time I saw that slobber monkey.
This is a true story, that I found hilarious (well not at the time, it did a number on my gag reflex) I didn't post it to offend anyone, hence the multiple warnings at the beginning. If you are a fan of Bad Word Mama, you know I don't post stories like this often. Sometimes, the other crazy bitch in my head takes over and I have no control. With that said, hope you enjoyed my little story. BTW.. the Slobber Monkey I'm speaking of is NOT my current boyfriend.