Vacation

September 8th 2012 my family and I moved from a town in north central Florida where Chris and I both grew up. We moved two and a half hours south east to Palm Bay, Florida.  Almost one year later the kids and I came back to Ocala my old stomping ground.  My sister and her family were going on vacation and asked me to come and dog sit for them.  My sister's boyfriend has the sweetest retired police dog, he's getting up there in age and doesn't travel well.  I've never dog sat before, how hard could it really be.

I was a little nervous about watching a old cop dog.  I knew that they have certain words and commands for the dog.  I think German words.  Of course I don't know German, but I often make up my own words that sound like a different language.  I expressed my concern to my sis that I wanted to come a day early so the dog could get to know me and to be sure I wouldn't say any of my freaky words and the dog wouldn't bite my titties off when I wasn't looking.

We finally get into hot ass, no sea breeze Ocala on Saturday afternoon, feeling a little nostalgic as we drive around a town that I have a memory in every nook and cranny.  We get the Shawn's house and say hi to my sis and nieces.  After a little butt sniffing from the dog, I think we will be good for the week.

Here are some pictures of all the people we went to visit.. Because I'm a freaking dumbass, I didn't think of taking pictures of everywhere we went.

I was really excited to visit my friend/sis in law and fellow blogger Barbara.  We always have some amazing talks!  I don't want to forget my bro in law her "love."  She has an awesome pool that the kids and  their dog got to enjoy in between rain showers.  If you haven't read Barb's blog yet, you really should she is an amazing writer with tons of great fashion and beauty advice.  All My Lives Now

Sadie waiting for Andrew to jump in (which never happened)

One day I got together with my good friends Shirley and Andrea.  

We had such a great night catching up with each other!

We went to visit Chris' mom and Emilie had lots of fun hula hooping with Grandma.

In between visiting people the kids and I had Wii dancing competitions.  As you can see from the videos' I did not win that shit!!  But, had lots of fun trying.

Emilie dancing.. which she never does. 

Here's one of me trying to dance to my lovely Adam Levine..

Good God almighty I have no freaking rhythm

On our last day Andrew was a little sad and wanted to say good bye to the sweet dog we spent the week with. 

Thank you to everyone who I visited with but I must tell you.  The next time any of you see me is when you visit me!  

Thanks for reading

xoxo

Tales from the Trailer Park, Chapter 8: Pay back is hell!

Welcome to another chapter of Tales from the Trailer Park.. If you read "You Little Asshole"  you might have thought I was an asshole, but trust me I got paid back!

My Mom wasn't smart enough to pay me back for all the miserable shit I used to do.  Okay, well that probably wasn't a nice thing to say.  She was smart but, she wouldn't have wanted to spend the time scheming against me.

Although, my neighbors/mom's boss and her husband loved to fuck with us kids!
I guess they were tired of seeing Mom's boobs every other day and decided to take matters in their own hands.

I remember they were having a barbecue that day and I was super excited, I loved to socialize and skip and run around their yard.  They had the coolest little doll house in their backyard!
They also had two huge Rottweiler's who used to scare the shit out of me.  The dogs never did anything to hurt me, but I couldn't figure out why they had to stick their wet noses up my freaking ass every time I saw them!  I tried to stay away from them when I was over.

All the old folks were sitting around the grill talking, laughing, drinking and just being old.

Colleen (that was my neighbor's name) called me over to them.
I noticed they were all smiling as I walked over.  Of course the first thing I thought was they want to see my awesome gymnastic skills.  Hell yes!!

I can't remember what she said to me when I came over, that was a really long time ago.  It's not important anyway, what is important is what happened next.

I saw something big and green out of the corner of my eye and then all of a sudden everything got really quiet like they were all holding their breath.

I turned around and I seriously damn near shit my pants, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  I felt like my feet were made out of concrete.  I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't cry.

My world was frozen in time until he flexed his big green arms and let out a roar that could have melted my eyebrows.  I turned to look at the old folks to see if they were seeing what I was seeing or if any of them were going to help me.  They were seeing what I was seeing and they weren't going to help.  They were laughing! How could they be laughing the freaking Incredible Hulk is gonna kill me!!

I turned back around to see where he was, oh my God, he walking toward me and he's growling now. I swear the ground was rumbling under his mighty feet.

I managed to make my feet work and I took the fuck off! I ran across their yard toward the fence that separated our yards.  The whole time I was running I was crying and screaming,

"No Hulk! Please leave me alone!"

I seriously ran so fast I didn't have time to stop and climb the fence, and no need either I scaled that thing in one hop!  I got to the other side of the fence and looked back to find Hulk and all the old folks pointing and laughing at me.

I found out later in life that Colleen had a weight-lifting friend and she asked him to some how paint his whole freaking body green so she could scare her neighbor's asshole kid!  And he agreed to this shit!

I tell you what, it did scare the shit out of me and I don't remember pulling anymore of those pranks on my mom anymore. Well played Colleen, well played!

Thanks for reading,
xoxo

Four years ago..

Being a 35 year old pregnant woman was not an easy task for me.  I felt too old to be making another human being.  Those feelings faded quickly after I saw my son for the first time. 

8 pounds, 20 inches long 

After a scheduled c-section they whisked him away and was told that my little baby boy was having problems breathing on his own.  I was pushed to pump for my brand new baby to help him grow strong.  I pumped and pumped and it was hand delivered by either Chris or a nurse.  I was a wreck, I wasn't healing as quickly as they hoped I would.  The baby had to stay in the NICU where he was hooked up to machines to help him breathe.  Two days after my surgery the nurses felt I was strong enough to walk to the room that held my heart.

First time I held my son

The hospital let me stay in my hospital room one more night free of charge so I could be close to my son. 

But, the day finally came when I had to pack up and go home to my family and leave a piece of me behind.

Before we left, I was surprised with the best present ever, he was strong enough to come to my room. As soon as the nurse wheeled him in I broke down!  I noticed all the nurses stood outside my open door to watch our family bond. 

First time Emilie was able to see her brother without a
 piece of glass between them

I think I blocked a lot out during those few days without my son at home with me.  I found myself enraged with hormones and deep sadness that my precious baby was not with me. 

I was unable to drive for 2 weeks after my surgery, but luckily I have a great friend Amber who offered to take me.  I was really beyond myself to see him again, I was anxious as we drove the 5 miles to the hospital.  I walked into the room and found that they had taken him off of most of the tubes and gadgets that were stuck into him.  I picked him up and held him as carefully as I could.  I cried and prayed for him to be okay and come home to his family.  I eventually had to say goodbye for the day and go home, on the ride home I burst into tears because I had forgotten to bring the breast milk I had for him.  

Our first picture together

He only had to spend 3 days in the hospital with out me.  I was obviously ecstatic to bring him home. 

Well, here we are 4 years later and he is the light of my life!  He has the best personality, (definitely not like his Mommy)

He has stayed home with me since the day he came home from the hospital. It was an amazing experience to be able to do that with him.  I wouldn't have traded it for anything.  Now, it's coming to an end.. Next month he will start pre-school.   He's only going for 3 hours a day but, oh  man I will miss him so much!  I'm so very excited for him to grow and learn and to make new friends.  I'm also a little sad because I miss the little baby he used to be.  

He told me recently that when I drop him off at school that I'm only allowed to give him hugs and kisses in the car.  "Not in front of my friends, Mama!"  Little does he know, I'm gonna do it anyway!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful and sweet son.  I love that I smile when you walk into a room. Please don't grow up to be an annoying a-hole!  But, I'll love you anyway.

Four years later....

Thanks for reading,

xoxo

Tales from the Trailer Park - Chapter7: Meet me at the sinkhole

Welcome back to the next episode of 

Growing up I had tons of friends who lived in our neighborhood or on another street not too far.  We had the coolest place we used to hang out.  At the end of our street was a cul-de-sac, which we used to call "The Circle."  At the end of the circle there was a woodsy area and in that area was a sinkhole.  Well, at least that's what my parents told me it was.  To the right of the sinkhole was many trees, but there was a huge tree that we liked to hang out under or in.  

We turned part of the sink hole area into our own bike trail, we would race down the hill and back up the other side. 

We did so many things at the end of that road.  We would tell our parents that we were all spending the night at each other's house and would meet at the sinkhole and spend the night there.  We had a friend who worked at the jiffy store at the beginning of our street.  We would walk down there and he would steal beer or a bottle of Boone's Farm for us!  Great friend huh?  I thought so too. 

We would skip school and hang out at the sinkhole all damn day and dabble in cigarette and pot smoking.  Besides, turning into a pot head I had so many great times at our sink hole. 

One day while we were skipping school, my boyfriend.. I will call him.. Sean for this story.  He realized he had to take a shit!  We couldn't go to anyone's house so I thought he went deeper into the woods to take care of business.  I'm just hanging out and talking to my friends when all of a sudden I heard PLOP!!

I looked to my left and saw a huge shit laying next to me!  I jumped up and looked around, all my friends were pointing and laughing.  I follow the stares and look up into the tree I was sitting under.  What I saw is permanently stuck in my brain for fucking ever!!!  

Sitting between 2 branches was my ever so romantic boyfriend's white fucking bare ass with bung hole staring at me like a cyclops.   

Seriously, I've seen a lot of nasty shit in my 39 years.  But, that was nasty!  I can't remember how much longer we dated after that.  Every time I looked at him all I could see is his brown eye staring at me from above.  

We sold that house after my dad died in 1998 and about 10 years later, I decided to drive down our old street and I parked in the circle.  I walked to the edge and our old stomping ground and it was all grown up. I  could barely see our sinkhole or the tree anymore.  Sometimes I have dreams and I find myself walking down that trail by the sinkhole.  I've had so many great memories of that area. 

That won't be last you hear of "Sean."  I submitted a story to Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion and her series called "Over Sharing."   

I will let you know when that's published, you won't want to miss that!!

Thanks for reading

Tales from the Trailer Park Chaper 6: Dear ole' Dad

Welcome to the Tales from the Trailer Park, if you're new here you can catch up by clicking the sign below.

If you're caught up on this series I've told you before both my parents were older.  My dad was 55 years old when I was born.  I was his 3rd child, he had 2 other children from a previous marriage.

I told you a few stories about my Mom last week, I thought I would tell you few things about my dad.
He was a pure bred Italian, with an attitude to match!  I think that's where I got it from.  Actually, I know that's where I got it from.

So, you know I grew up in a trailer and we had a kick ass pool in the backyard.  I think I was around 12 years old and a freaking tornado hit our house.  One minute we were outside playing and the next minute my mom was screaming at us to come in the house.  I remember it getting really windy outside, what kid doesn't like to play outside in the wind and pretend to be flying.  Just me?  I still love being outside when it's windy.  All that hair blowing makes me feel pretty.  Anyway, we came inside and we were instructed to get into the hallway.  I remember hearing the wind and shit making screeching noises and that's about it.  It only took a few minutes and we were back outside.  We noticed that the damn tornado took half our roof with it.  Well, it didn't take it too far just hanging off the back of the house.  It pulled our antenna damn near off the house as well.  After careful consideration from my dad he realized that the freak of nature didn't do enough of damage.  With help from my half brother they proceeded to pull the antenna off the house and "made" it land into our pool!  I had no idea what the hell he was doing, until later.  Yep, you guessed it, he wanted more money from the insurance people.  I think that was about the time we got cable.  Sweet!!!! - Although, we had to say goodbye to the pool.  He never replaced it.

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I can never remember my dad working. So, while mom was working he was home taking care of us.  He was a typical bored retired man.  He was so bored he bitched about anything and everything that caught his attention.  The top 2 things he would bitch about. One, if you dare did more than one load of laundry a day.
He would go ape shit if he found out, and let me tell you what.. he was home and bored so he noticed. The next thing was if you ripped a paper towel off the roll and left a wet mark on the towel next in line.  I never understood why that bothered him so much.

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I always wondered why my dad never did the dishes when I was younger.  My mom taught Shawn and I how to wash and dry and work together to get this task done.  My dad bought my mom a dishwasher one year.  It was a weird one though, it was some kind of portable dishwasher and you had to hook a tube to the sinks faucet.  I think he let her use it once!  Anyway, in my late teen years my dad decided to start pitching in and do some house work.  He would wash the dishes after dinner and then about an hour later, I noticed my mom doing the same dishes over again.  I inquired and found out that there was a reason why dad didn't do dishes.  It wasn't because he was lazy or felt it was a woman's job.  He freaking sucked at it!

What I found out was, my dad only washed the part of the plate that the food was on.  He said,  "We don't eat on the bottom or the sides of the plate, why should I clean them."  

Then, I watched him one day and holy crap he didn't wash those area's of the plates and he decided that soap was not needed if you just used really hot water.   Mom finally put her foot down and forbid him to ever do dishes again. 

This is a pic of Mom & Dad 1997

RIP
Angelo Fischkelta - 1998
Honor Fischkelta -  2011


Thanks for reading