Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Tales from the Trailer Park, Chapter 8: Pay back is hell!

Welcome to another chapter of Tales from the Trailer Park.. If you read "You Little Asshole"  you might have thought I was an asshole, but trust me I got paid back!

My Mom wasn't smart enough to pay me back for all the miserable shit I used to do.  Okay, well that probably wasn't a nice thing to say.  She was smart but, she wouldn't have wanted to spend the time scheming against me.

Although, my neighbors/mom's boss and her husband loved to fuck with us kids!
I guess they were tired of seeing Mom's boobs every other day and decided to take matters in their own hands.

I remember they were having a barbecue that day and I was super excited, I loved to socialize and skip and run around their yard.  They had the coolest little doll house in their backyard!
They also had two huge Rottweiler's who used to scare the shit out of me.  The dogs never did anything to hurt me, but I couldn't figure out why they had to stick their wet noses up my freaking ass every time I saw them!  I tried to stay away from them when I was over.

All the old folks were sitting around the grill talking, laughing, drinking and just being old.

Colleen (that was my neighbor's name) called me over to them.
I noticed they were all smiling as I walked over.  Of course the first thing I thought was they want to see my awesome gymnastic skills.  Hell yes!!

I can't remember what she said to me when I came over, that was a really long time ago.  It's not important anyway, what is important is what happened next.

I saw something big and green out of the corner of my eye and then all of a sudden everything got really quiet like they were all holding their breath.

I turned around and I seriously damn near shit my pants, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  I felt like my feet were made out of concrete.  I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't cry.

My world was frozen in time until he flexed his big green arms and let out a roar that could have melted my eyebrows.  I turned to look at the old folks to see if they were seeing what I was seeing or if any of them were going to help me.  They were seeing what I was seeing and they weren't going to help.  They were laughing! How could they be laughing the freaking Incredible Hulk is gonna kill me!!

I turned back around to see where he was, oh my God, he walking toward me and he's growling now. I swear the ground was rumbling under his mighty feet.

I managed to make my feet work and I took the fuck off! I ran across their yard toward the fence that separated our yards.  The whole time I was running I was crying and screaming,

"No Hulk! Please leave me alone!"

I seriously ran so fast I didn't have time to stop and climb the fence, and no need either I scaled that thing in one hop!  I got to the other side of the fence and looked back to find Hulk and all the old folks pointing and laughing at me.

I found out later in life that Colleen had a weight-lifting friend and she asked him to some how paint his whole freaking body green so she could scare her neighbor's asshole kid!  And he agreed to this shit!

I tell you what, it did scare the shit out of me and I don't remember pulling anymore of those pranks on my mom anymore. Well played Colleen, well played!

Thanks for reading,


  1. Oh my Ellen... you did love to torture your mother... funny how they got even with you... not sure I would have been able to handle that... lol

  2. Payback is hell, huh? Well, actually it depends if you're the payor or the payee. ;)


  3. As the saying goes "Payback is a bitch" and deserved it. All I want to know is if you stopped making it so the neighbors could see your Mom's boobs. The more I think of it the more I realize you really must have been an obnoxious child. Love ya Ellen and can't wait to share some time with you and the kids next week. Happy Day!!! The pool is waiting for all of you!!!

    1. I haven't even got to my teenage years yet! Wait till you read that shit. See you next week


Lay it on me!