Hmm, where does this tube go?

I have never liked bodily fluids of any kind.  Even when people blow their nose I get the heeby jeebies!

My sister on the other hand she is a LPN and damn good at it.  Thank God because our Mother was not a fan of going to the doctor for any reason!
Because, I'm such a pussy when it comes to medical stuff, I usually never listened.  My sister would bring my Mom to the doctor so she would get all the correct information.  My Mom would listen she just wouldn't remember.

Anyway, I can't even remember how many damn years ago it was, early 2000's my Mom decided to tell my sister that she needs to go to the doctor cause she's been shitting blood for a good while now.  How long is a good while? Hell if I know, I didn't ask, I put my fingers in my ears and sang as soon as my sis said blood and butt hole!

So, doctor set her up for colonoscopy, my sis took care of all that, it came back that she had rectal/colon cancer, she had a tumor up there the size of a softball and they thought it had been there a good 10 years.
Damn, how long was she shitting blood!

She had to have surgery to have the tumor removed and have a colostomy bag put in.


 I remember my sister telling me and my Mother, her appointment is such and such day she has to drink this stuff before hand and no eating for 24 hours.  "Ellen, you have to bring her to the hospital for the surgery,
 I will be there as soon as I can."  Sis says as she's writing it down.

Mom, lived on her own at this time, my Dad had already passed away so, she depended on me and sis for everything.

I go pick up Mom at her apartment the day of her surgery.  We are on our way to the hospital, not too far from her house.  She must have forgotten which daughter was driving her, she started telling me about how much she shit the night before and how bad it stunk.  "What the hell Mom!, I don't want to hear that shit!"  She would always laugh whenever she grossed me out.  Then she started talking about that she thinks she has to poop again and it feels hard to hold it.  Oh hell fucking no!  "No shitting allowed in the car Mom!  I will seriously throw up if any shit leaks out of your ass onto my seat!"  She started laughing, not sure if she was joking or not, but I did not obey speed limits that day, and we made it to the hospital with clean seats!

Surgery is over and I'm in the recovery room with my Mom, she's still sleeping.  Sis no where in sight yet.  I have to tell you first, I know what a tumor is but, I really didn't know what a colostomy bag was.  Sis may have explained it to me, but with all her medical terms, I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about.

Okay, sitting in the room with sleeping Mom, I get bored and notice all these weird things hanging from her.
"Ooh that looks like a drain of some sort."  I start poking around a little more and for some fucked up reason  I followed a tube like I'm looking for a goody at the end of it. I pull up her gown and see this really red thing on the left side of her abdomen.  "Kind of looks like a big pair of round lips, or a big red butt hole."  I say to myself.  Can't leave well enough alone, I touched it. "Ooh smooshy."

In walks a nurse to do whatever nurses do, and I mentioned all the tubes and doo-hickey's hanging off Mom. Then I lift her gown again and say, "What the heck is this red thing?"
"Oh well that's her stoma."  she answers like I should know what the hell a stoma is.

She explained to me what a stoma is! First thing, I thought was, What the fuck I just touched my Mom's new butt hole!!  I run over to the hand sanitizer station and take a bath in it.

In walks my Sis.  First thing I say is, "Why didn't you tell me, Mom will have a new butt hole on the side of her stomach?"

She starts to laugh " I told you, don't you know what a stoma is Ellen?"

"UMM NO! But I know what one feels like now!"

Then I had to explain how I just played with the red thing under Mom's gown like it was Play-doh!

Oh yeah, she laughed real hard.  Not me though, didn't think it was funny at all.

After that I listened to everything she said about Mom and her condition and I even asked questions when she used her medical jargon!

There you have it, that's the story that haunts me every time I hear the words; Colonoscopy, Colostomy, Stoma and whenever I see someone with big lips wearing red lipstick.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo

P.S.
I decided not to add any pictures to this post for obvious reasons.  But, if you don't know what a stoma is Google it!  Actually, I would encourage it. <<hehehe>>

Thank you to Marcia @ Menopausal Mother for our poop conversation that inspired this post.