Thursday, July 26, 2012

Heinous Anus

The title of this post describes my mood today!
I don't want my very much loved readers to think, all I do is bitch. 
 I really don't! Well, don't ask Chris that question he will probably say I do.  But that's only because a lot of men think when a woman opens their mouth it's to bitch.  But this post isn't about Chris. It's about me and my fucked up choices.
Maybe once a week I get in to a horrible mood.  I let things inside me built until I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin. Well that's today!

I feel like I've made some horrible mistakes in my life in the last three years.  Yes, since Andrew came along.  I don't regret for one second having him. He's is my rock sometimes.  I just look at him and thank god he's in my life.  Andrew and I have a special bond, that I didn't have with Emilie.
That's where I believe the choices I made for him are affecting me and my family now.
Some of you know the back story, I worked after Em was born.  I decided not to when Andrew was born.  I think maybe I should have went back to work, so I can help my family with money and things we need.  But, if I did go back to work, I know I wouldn't have the bond I have with him now.
Does that even make sense?  Well, it does in my head.

So there's possible mistake #1 -  Quitting my job.

Mistake #2 - Selling our very reliable and paid off car. 
We sold it and got another car plus cash back.  Sounds like a great plan right??
WRONG!!!!
The new car broke down, it needed a new engine! So we sold it to a junk yard.

So, now I'm stuck at home, with no car.  I can't even try to get a job, because I have no damn way to get there!!
I can't even work at night, because Chris' job is so un-predictiable.

That I believe are the 2 biggest mistakes I've made in the last three years.

I've looked for anything and everything that I could do from home and my computer. All freaking scams.  I was accepted to write articles for a website.
Examiner.com - I write about Motherhood.  I was very proud of myself. But, after written like 6 articles, I've made a total of $1.17!!! REALLY!!!
I'm done with that shit!


But, of course when I think things can't get any worse.
My cell phone dies.. So now I have no home phone, no cell phone!! WTF
No money to buy anything else.  I have to sit outside, just to get an internet connection, so I can write my silly articles that seem to be a waste of time!

We're a month behind on rent, electricity, car payment and I have to figure out how to buy a week's worth of food for $60!!!
I guess it's time to start couponing again.

There is one good thing I don't want to leave out.
Today, we are getting our internet and home phone back up.  Thanks to who will be our new roommate Amy! 

I seriously hope I didn't depress anyone with this post today.  I hope that you look at this and thank god that you're not in my shoes.

If you want to help our poor family please call this #: 1-800-Fuckedup-Life.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo



9 comments:

  1. As of 12:15 today, we have now internet. I feel like I've been living under a rock for the last 2 months. Someone followed my extension cord and found me on my computer, invited me into the house and showed me that I can now, sit in the comfort of my home and still work on my computer. Gotta love the technology today.

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  2. Ellen, I feel like I was reading my own life story. I am right where you are at and I still don't know wtf I am going to do about it. I do know that I am happy you found your way to my blog, at least I know there is someone in this world who can understand.

    I am here if you need me. Maybe we can figure some things out together..

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    1. Roe, Thanks for stopping by. Love your blog. I feel the 2 most important things in a human is honesty and self pity! LOL

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  3. i know exactly how you feel. chad is on unemployment, neither of us can find jobs, the house we are renting is going into foreclosure b/c the landlord didn't pay the mortgage, we lost our health insurance and need it more than ever right now since i have been ill for the last three months and we can't figure out why, i never know how we are going to make it from one month to the next, the state decided that i can feed a teenage boy, his father and myself for $270 a month. a few months back, i was in a horrible funk. Couldn't get out of it. And then chad had a dream. he never remembers his dream...but this one he did, and it was a doozie. i won't go into it here, but suffice it to say that we got the message, which was: as long as the three of us are together, we can get thru anything. all this stuff that seems to be of such immediate importance is NOT of lasting importance. none of it will be worthy of our last thoughts, that is certain.

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    1. Aub, so sorry you're going thru the same bullshit.. Although, I knew I wasn't alone in it.. lost of people are going thru it. But being together as a family is important. I try to convince Chris of that fact all the time. Thanks for the words tho :)

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  4. We all have those days. It's nice you have us to listen. New follower, please come see me.

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  5. I am jealous that you only get in a bad mood just once a week. I feel like sometimes live in a constant state of PMS bitch mode. Love the post. Hope you have a better day, it is Friday Friday lol. Found you on the blog hop.
    Dani
    @sunshinemommy
    http://suburbiainterrupted.com

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  6. Hello there Ellen! It's me again! I just love your blog and the more I read the more connected I feel to you. I hate that you face these situations but I am so glad that I am not alone in the bullshit of life! It seems the more you try the worse life hits you. I am in the same boat...decided to stay home and be with mittens (now a year old) and the hub's child support just went up to 600 a month. We CANNOT afford that on top of everything here. There is so much more going on that I will not go into but just know that you are not alone. So thankful I found your blog because I love reading it!!! Sending big hugs to you.
    xo
    Becca

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  7. Thanks Becca, right back at ya!!

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Lay it on me!