Monday, April 30, 2012


My sweet baby girl, Emilie who is 8 years old. She is so much like me sometimes, it scares me.
When I was younger I wanted to be a psychologist, and of course I'm not, but now I wish I were cause it would come in handy with my daughter and trying to understand her.
Sometimes she is so emotional, cries over the drop of a hat, and other times she will just not open up at all.
Seems like she cries or get upset of what I think are "silly" things, like when she can't remember how to spell one of her spelling words. But when her grandmother dies, not a tear.

She had a field trip to a Museum this past Friday, this was only her second field trip ever since she started school. So of course she was super excited to go, and so was I. I couldn't wait for her to come home and tell me all about her day.

She gets off the bus and we walk in the house and I say, so did you have fun today? And she said "Yah", then walks away. I stood there dumb-founded. WTH!!

I tell her Emilie I want to hear about your field trip and she says, just ask me questions and I will answer them.
Most kids I would think would not be able to stop talking about it. Not mine though.

Christmas and birthday's every year, are a hoot. She could open up the best present she ever wanted and she would just smile and put it to the side. I'm not sure if she's embarrassed to show her excitement or what.

Since my mom died at Hospice, they arranged for a children's counselor to go to Em's school and talk to her weekly, to make sure she's handling the loss ok.  The counselor would call me and update me on the sessions, and she would tell me that Em really didn't talk to much. If the counselor asked her a question Em would just answer Yes or No.  I would sit down with Em and ask her if she had any questions on the topic and to tell her it's ok to talk and to cry. And she would say.. Nope I'm fine.

My mom lived with my family for 2 years and Em saw her everyday, so she was used to having her in her life. I'm just not sure how she can be so aloof about it.

I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child in January, and cause I can't keep anything to myself, I told Em about it. She didn't say much. But then in March when I lost the baby. I went to her and sat her down in her room and told her. I explained what happened and that we will not be having a new baby. And she just said "ok". I asked her are you upset? She said and I quote: "I don't care either way". OMG.
I'm really not sure how to take that.

Every morning I see Emilie off to school and I tell her I Love You, have a great day. And nothing.. she doesn't say anything. At night, when I tuck her into bed, she gives me a kiss and I say I Love You, and nothing still. I asked her why don't you say I love you? And she said: " I don't know".

I'm afraid there maybe something wrong, I've contemplated bringing her to a children's therapist.
But I'm just not sure.
When I was a kid, if my mom said "I Love You", I remember saying it back to her. But, she didn't say it often. Even as an adult, I can probably count on both hands how many times my mom said those three words to me. When she did say it, I felt weird saying it back.   And I take that into consideration when I say it to Em, I want to be better than my mom. I want Em to know I love her and for her to know it's ok to say it back.
Also, like Em when I was a kid and even now, I don't show much emotion when accepting a gift. I smile and act excited and say thank you. Even if I'm truly excited, I don't show my true excitement, I feel like I have to act it out. I don't know why I do that.
So I understand how she gets that trait. But everything else I just don't understand.

I've talked Chris about her, and he doesn't think it's a big deal. But he's a man, and most men don't show their emotions anyway. At least the men I've known.

I feel I'm at a crossroads here, do I keep trying to pull her out of her "shell" or do I take her to a therapist?


  1. first visit.. :).

    She could just be unemotional or there really could be something wrong. I would take her to a therapist or talk to your doctor about it. I'm not an overreacter-- if it's nothing then move on. But if there actually IS something and you find out years from now, you'll be kicking yourself.
    (just my 2 cents)
    note: I spend 18 months and THOUSANDS of dollars trying to figure out why my oldest was such a miserable fuck. After neurologists, sleep studies, therapists, etc.. finally a holistic doctor diagnosed him with gluten intolerance. Best thing I ever did... changed our lives. ;) Good Luck!!!

  2. Gluten Intolerance.. really? It's amazing what can screw us up!
    Thanks for the comment.. surely appreciated :)

  3. I know a few happy and healthy children that are the same way. I would be wary of a psych. Myself. They are so quick to push a diagnosis and meds. If she is doing well in school and not having any other major issues, Ellen then I really wouldn't be too worried.

  4. I've thought of that too.. Med's are def out of the question!! Mommy and daughter can not be sharing meds! LOL

  5. Yea meds are the easy way out and are useless. Gluten intolerance I have hear of I would look into that too.
    My two scents, take a couple of days out of the week and make it mommy and daughter time.Let her plan the days and what she wants to do with you.Do not tell her it is your bonding time, that may push her away. AND BOYS ARE NOT ALLOWED. Chris can take a moment to do Daddy/Son time. Play a board game, go for a walk around the yard, do a hoola hoop competition, play one on one basketball have fun together. If she is anything like our family we need that moment alone with mom it takes us a bit of time but we eventually open up. It won't happen overnight but it will happen. I would not start the bonding time with bombarding her with questions, when she is ready let her talk and ask the questions. Tell her about things she does that you used to do as a kid (Positive things). She will find you both have alot in common. You will know when she is opening up, then she will start answering your questions.


Lay it on me!