Sunday, April 29, 2012

Saying Goodbye

As I was scanning over what my Facebook friends are up to, I noticed that one of my closest friends grandmother died. I know she was old and lived a long life, but it still saddens me to know that someone that a friend loved is no longer in their life.
It makes me think about the people I've lost in my life. There are quite a few but only 3 who meant the world to me.
A man going into the hospital for a heart bypass and had a stroke on the OR table. When he opened his eyes in ICU, I asked the nurse why his eyes are blue instead of hazel like mine?
Watching the same man at a rehab taking is last gurgly breaths. As the family goes in one by one to say their goodbye's privately. I guess I should feel lucky I got to say goodbye to the man I called Dad. As I said my goodbye seeing a single tear roll down his face, I knew he heard me and felt the same way.


Watching a woman die in Hospice knowing only a week before she seemed completley fine. Also holding on to this world with labored breathing. Again going in that somber room by yourself to open up your heart again. And hoping she hears you, no sign of alertness, nothing.. just silence except for the breathing. I got to say goodbye to a woman I called Mom.
I've said this before,  I feel honored that they were both there with me when I was brought into this world, and I got to be there for them, when they left this world.

Saying goodbye isn't always possible, the third person who meant the world to me was my best friend Debby.
She took her own life one Thursday in September. I did get to see her (body) before they took her away. To be honest I wish I hadn't. That picture of her resting on her side on the floor haunts me everyday.
Debby got to say goodbye, with a letter she wrote and everyone who was mentioned in that letter got a copy of it from her parents. That's the only thing I have left of Debby.. her goodbye. I didn't get mine!!


It's amazing what you will say to a dying person, who can not speak, you just open up your heart and let everything out.  After those experiences, I try to tell the people close to me how I feel about them. It's still really hard for me. I'm not the mushy type. My children and Chris know how I feel about them. Why do we wait until someone is on their "death bed" to tell them how you feel?

I guess my point is, saying I LOVE YOU  doesn't make you a weak person.
You never know if that will be your good bye.





2 comments:

  1. I think about this alot. I wish sometimes I could die just for a few min to hear what people would do or say. Selfish huh? It's hard to open up and be so vulnerable, we are a self centered, selfish society and we don't even realize it sometimes until its to late. Although I also feel its never to late and even when the people we love and care about are gone you can still talk to them and tell them how you feel or felt. I belive it makes life more worth living to tell them when they are here but it allows your life to continue fully to know you can still talk to them when they are gone from the physical world. They may not talk back but I believe sometimes they do answer in other ways... this may sound corny but just a few weeks ago, planting my first vegetable garden, a patio garden. I have NO green thumb watsoever but I grew up watching my Nana grow all kinds of things. I talked to her in my head mostly praying to god I could just grow something, and all my pots are green and vivacious just a week or 2 later. I know that's her way of answering.. she is telling me I can do it and not to give up... to teach and show my girls :)

    xo

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  2. Colby Jack-CheeseApril 29, 2012 at 6:04 PM

    Well said Kyley, death is universal & everyone we know is affected somehow by it, whether it is people they know or comforting others in their most vulnerable time. It also gives us inspiration & hope, to not take one day for granted because no obe is immune. It drives us to be kinder, more aware, more gracious & above all HUMAN!

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Lay it on me!