Monday, May 20, 2013

As Seen on T.V products my kids think I need...

It really does annoy the crap out of me when the kids are watching T.V in the other room and yell out for me:
"Mommy, come here hurry,  Oh my god Mommy, HURRY!!"   I get my bony ass up off my couch and run in the other room, expecting to see a fire or the other one laying on the ground who needs medical attention.
I get there and one of them is sitting there pointing at the T.V,  "Mommy, I have to have this!"
Yep, they called me into the room to show me the newest piece of shit toy they think they need!
While that is really aggravating, what really makes me what to throw the T.V out of our rented window is when they see shit on T.V they think I need.

Here is the newest one, that both my kids think it's the best thing ever.

I'm sure you've seen this thing floating around on your air waves.  My daughter who is 9 and very vain already, wants this really bad.  My son says it will make me pretty.
Me:   Listen guys, that thing is stupid, it looks like it just messes your air up in little sections at a time. 
Andrew:  No, No Mama, it works like a tornado!  It's like magic, I think you will look pretty. 

This one just grosses me out.  Most people who know me know that I don't like to see or talk about bodily fluids or any sticky nasty shit that comes out of a person or animal.
Why the hell would this lady actually be smiling while sucking who knows what out of her ear.
Andrew:  Oh Mama, we have to get that!
Me:  Why do you think we need that?
Andrew:  To get the potatoes out of my ears.  Do you have potatoes in your ears too.
<Gag> <Gag>   I may have mentioned to Andrew that his ears look so dirty that he has potatoes growing out of them.  He doesn't find it as nasty as I do.    After you clean your ears with this thing, who the hell is supposed to clean it out.  I really feel my stomach turning just thinking about it.  I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to put any type of vacuum in your ear.

Here's another one they think I need!   I'm not stupid, I get what they are trying to do, they say I need it because they want it.

Emilie:   Mommy, look at this!  You will never have to buy ice cream again.  
Me:  I don't buy ice cream in the first place, Daddy buys the ice cream.  I think you guys eat too much ice cream. 
Emilie:  I will shake it all myself, it will work out my arms and they will get stronger.
Me:  Yes, they will, because what about the Slushy Magic thing that Santa got you?  
Emilie:  That thing is horrible, you have to shake it for so long, it doesn't work right. 
Me:   Really?  Well, what the hell do you think this thing is?  
Emilie:  It's not the same, because it comes with a special cup inside. 
I told her that I would think about it, she knows damn well what that means.

My son thinks that a spinning mop is awesome.  I think he thinks that it spins by itself while mopping or something.  But, he looked like he damn near shit his pants when he saw this on T.V.

He actually cried when I told him that I didn't need it and I wasn't going to buy it.
He argued with me that he would use it, to clean the floors with it when he spilled stuff on it.

Both of my kids think I should get this one. The Whisper.

Me:  Why in the hell do I need that?  It's for old people.
Em:   It's not only for old people Mommy!
Andrew:  So you can hear us better.
Em:  Yeah, sometimes when we talk to you, you can't hear us and then we have to talk louder.
Me:  Just so you know, I can hear you when you talk to me, I choose not to listen.  Cause you guys talk all the time.  Why don't you get it for Daddy? I don't think he can hear you guys very well when you talk.  (Ha,Ha)

Even though it drives me insane to have these conversation about these dumb products that I don't need. It makes me feel kind of good that they actually think of me instead of everything that they want.

Thanks for reading


I did not get paid for writing about any of these products nor did I buy any of them!


  1. To funny! My boys do the same thing. The latest one was for a a pill for menopausal women to lose there belly fat. I'm not menopausal but apparently I have a noticeable pooch lol.

    1. Oh God! I don't want to get started on the pooch! :)

  2. daughter has to have the stompeeze, snugees, the pillow pet, the dreamlite, the whatever thingy that you put stuff in the tummy.... soooooo annoying.

    1. My kids want the dreamlite, I would probably get it for them if it weren't so expensive.

  3. Haha! I wonder if 30 years from now they'll be calling to say you need Depends, Preparation H, or some kind of "turkey neck" cream?


  4. Ive only seen the ice cream one. I live in a cave. Perhaps I need a younger kid to call be back to the room during the commercials. I agree that ear wax thing looks painful and makes me want to gag just thinking of it right now. They actually advertise that thing? Id be afraid of sucking out some piece of my brain that I might need for something obscure like long division or something. And how DO you clean that sucker?

    1. That's what I was thinking. I need all the brain matter I can hang on to, I don't need to be sucking that business out! I don't even want to know how to clean it. BARF!!

  5. Fun post. I like that secret listening device but I probably won't send for it.

    1. There are just some things we are not meant to hear!

  6. This is hilarious.

    Truth is, I'm like your kids... I see this shit on TV and I have to have it!


  7. Yeah - the wax thing. Can't imagine anyone smiling while using it!

  8. Hahaha... my daughter doesn't watch commercials, thank goodness... as I am sure she would inundate me with the same requests :)

  9. All the gotta haves...I sorta miss that...:)

  10. This is one of the many reasons we have a DVR. Fast forwarding through the commercials is so much fun!!


Lay it on me!