For as long as I can remember, I've been a planner. I'm the person who is always early to where ever it is I need to be. I was the strong one when both of my parents died.
One trait that I have, that my mom always boasted upon is that I'm dependable and independent.
I would always smile when she would say that to me.
Up until today...
I don't know if I want to be the dependable, organized and thoughtful person anymore.
This evening, I was unloading the dishwasher and as I was putting away my silverware (I always HAVE to do that first) I noticed that I was screwing with the forks so they would all lay on top of each other nice and neat. Every tine had to line up perfectly.
I stopped and thought to myself, why the fuck do I care? Why do I care if they all line up? Who the shit hole cares if every fork isn't placed so very carefully into it's designated slot?
I decided right then, I don't care if they all line up. Nope! I don't care.
I slammed the drawer and then opened the cupboard where I keep my Tupperware. I smiled when I noticed that the cupboard is a disgusting, un-organized mess!
For some crazy ass reason, I like that mess. I like that it doesn't even bother me.
I wish I could be my Tupperware cupboard, but for some fucked up reason I know that I'm really the plastic thingy we all put in our drawers to keep our silverware organized.
I know this goes much deeper than my silverware and my tupperware, but I really don't give a shit right now.
I hope you enjoyed my delusional rant!