Wednesday, September 19, 2012

To believe or not to believe?

I grew up in a catholic family, where I was required to attend first communion, confirmation.
Go to church every Sunday and pretend to listen to the old man dressed in gowns.

I've always believed in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost.

I try to live my life without much sin, the big one's really. No killing, cheating and stuff like that.
I do believe I will go to heaven when I pass.

I never really prayed until I had children, I mostly say my night time prayers which include keeping my children safe, happy and healthy.

Until just recently, I've been thinking about my life and my children's life.
I feel like our life is upside down right now and I need guidance of some sort.
I have never asked God for silly things, like money.
Money and success is something that you make yourself.

Well, right now I feel like I'm out of options.  I can't just sit back impatiently waiting for the cash to roll in.
So, I've asked God in a not so selfish way to please help our family from the horrible time we are going through right now.

I've prayed more in the last month than ever.  Still no answer!

I was told to just ask once and then thank him for listening.

So I asked, then I thanked him for listening.. but did he really hear me? Because, I'm still waiting!

We are selling our very last things just to live!

So, do I believe in what people call faith?  Or, is it up to each of us to make our own destiny?
I'm a ticking time bomb.. something inside me will explode.. my head, my heart, my patience!

I can sit here and say, that's it I'm gonna stop asking.  But, I'm so desperate for a miracle I have to keep asking, begging for mercy.

Hopefully, this will be my last depressing post, well at least for a while.


Thanks for reading
xoxo



3 comments:

  1. It is NOW time for the handbook for LIVING.....Everything all of us need for LIVING is in there...it is our INSTRUCTION manual...

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  2. I was also raised Catholic, 12 years of Catholic school, all the sacraments, church every Sunday, blah blah blah. I lost a great deal of my faith due to circumstances I experienced during those formative years.

    I've never been a fan of the Footprints story. And I don't believe that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle".

    I truly hope for the best for you and for your family and will keep fingers crossed that things turn around for you.

    Found you on the TGIF Blog Hop!

    Teri
    Snarkfest

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  3. Your post really caught my attention because your words are almost the exact words that I have been saying to myself for months and months as I watch my life fall further and further away from me. I am also catholic and was raised to believe the same things as you, but to be honest, they are not working. In fact, things are worse then ever. But, I have hope in myself and belief in myself and I know somehow and someday I will get myself and my family out of this horror show. So don't give up on yourself, be strong and don't lose hope. I know what it's like to sell what little I have just to pay a bill and feed my child, so I am not giving you empty advice or talking out of my ass. I am there, right there with you. Be strong and please do not lose hope!!

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Lay it on me!