Holy! What happened to my "perfect" child!?

When your child is born, whether it's your 1st or 6th, you can overlook all the slimy business covering the tiny little body.  You take inventory, ten toes, ten fingers, one nose and either a wee-wee or a hoo-ha, hopefully not both.  eeek!!

You've given birth to a "perfect" baby!

The first few years go by like a flash and you look at the child and smile, so grateful you have a perfect little being.

Everyone thinks they have the most perfect child, they are so innocent how could anything on him or her be nothing but pure perfection!

I remember when my daughter was around two or three years old, and she scratched her cheek and after it healed, I noticed that it left a scar.  I literally cried because my sweet baby girl will have a scar on her perfect cheek forever.  (It ended up not scaring or she grew out of it. Who the hell knows.)


I've just recently noticed neither one of them are perfect, I'm not talking about their language or their attitudes.  I'm talking about something about them physically that makes them not so perfect.

I was staring at my daughter the other day and realized that her nostril holes are 2 different shapes.
Is that freaking weird or what?!

Maybe not so weird, I've never really stared at other peoples nostril holes before.  I can tell you what, I'm gonna start now!

My son, oh that poor kid.  He has the worst set of eyebrows I've ever seen on a child.  They are seriously out of control!  He likes to mess them up and say, "Look at me mama, I'm mad!"
You think the kids in kindergarten will notice if their new classmate has skinny eyebrows?  Hmm, probably.  Hopefully he will grow into those suckers.

Now, that I've revealed that my "perfect children" are not so physically perfect as I thought, I love them no matter if Andrew had a uni-brow or Emilie had one big nostril hole.

Thank god she doesn't though, that would be freaking scary as hell.

When did you realize that your children weren't as perfect as you thought they were?  Or are your eyes still clouded by just being able to produce other human beings?  If so, don't worry you'll see them soon.

Thanks for reading

Damn! Now I feel old!!

I just heard on the news this morning that today is the 25th anniversary of the World Wide Web!
What the hell?!?  That shit makes me feel so old!

Why you say?

Well, because I will be 40 years old in May and I can remember what life was like before the WWW.

It didn't really hit me until one day we came home and there was something on our doorstep, my daughter who is 10 got super excited because she thought we got a present.

"Uh, Emilie, that's not a present.  That's what you call a phone book."

It was one of those mini phone books.  She was in awe, because she never heard of such a thing!

She scooped it up and brought it inside and dove right in.

"Mommy, are these people's actual phone numbers?"

"Yes, Emilie they sure are."

I proceeded to tell her a story that phone books when I was growing up were way bigger and when I had a sleepover, me and my girlfriends used to open it up and randomly pick a number and prank call someone.

After I explained what a prank call was she jumped up and down and insisted we do that too.

"Oh hell no, baby girl!  There is something called caller id now and they would know who was calling them."

Ahh, life before caller id.  (makes me smile)

The phone book isn't the only thing I remember having as a kid.  Can you actually believe that I learned how to type on a typewriter?  Yep! Fortunately it was an electric one!

I know damn well, my daughter wouldn't know what white out is either!  Is there any use for that anymore?

In high school, I think in my junior maybe senior year, our school finally got "Computer Class."  I got to learn how to use a computer.  Without a mouse!  There was no such thing back then. Well, at least not at our school.  You actually had to press a button, I think F5 to save your work.

And, we saved it on a floppy disk!  It wasn't till after I graduated and got my first office job in 1995 that I was able to save my work on a Hard disk!  Wow!

I also remember asking my mom for help on my homework, and she would refer me to the Encyclopedia's in the living room.

"I didn't pay all that money for those damn books, for you not to use them!"  She used to say every time, because I was too lazy to get up.

Now, you can just "Google" something and boop, there's your answer!

Oh my, who remembers what a card catalog is at the library?  Betcha, a shit ton of people don't.

How long has it been since you had to use a pay phone?  And, good freaking luck finding one!!
This is back when you actually memorized everyone's phone number.  And if you didn't you just looked in the phone book that was attached to the phone booth.

I'm not even gonna go into records, cassette or VHS tapes!

Even, though all of this makes me feel ancient, I'm also so happy that I had the privilege to grow up when you actually had to use a map to find your way.  I think my generation has the best of both worlds.

If shit falls apart tomorrow and there is no more Internet or cell phones we will know how to survive!  These 20 year old kids they will be walking around the streets like zombies.  Not talking to anyone, because without cell phone to text someone they have no idea how to actually communicate with anyone!

Yay, 40 I'm ready for ya now!

Thanks for reading,

Are all SAHM's so involved? Or should I call it obsessed?

I wonder if all stay at home mom's go through what I've been through the last 4 years.

I'm not talking about shitty diapers, kids who embarrass you at the grocery store when a little person walks by or feeling like you never get a freaking minute alone.

I'm not sure if I would define it as boredom or just finding yourself while watching Kelly & Michael. (man, I miss Regis!)

I have worked outside the home since I was 16 years old, and then I decided at 35 when my son was born I wanted to stay home with him.  Once the first 6 months or so went by and I wasn't so sleep deprived that I could actually think about my life and what the hell I'm doing with it, is when it all started.

Below is the list of all the things that I've either obsessed over or I was just so damn bored I thought I would try it out.

The first thing was reading, I started with the Twilight Series and I couldn't believe that my mom was right all these years and reading is awesome.  I think I never did it before because I was busy with work and my sweet party life I never thought I needed to escape.  This is something I never stopped doing, I still read every single night before I go to sleep.

Next, was extreme couponing.  Holy shit on a stick, I really dove into that one.  I actually dove into a dumpster once looking for coupons. I saved a shit load of money and I really felt like I helped contribute something to the family.  For some reason, I got too lazy to get out on Sunday's and buy the damn newspapers.  Me and 2 other friends of mine, actually taught classes and sold coupon binders at one point.
I decided to start couponing again, not as "extreme" as before but, I feel like I need to help save money, instead of spending it.

Hmm, what's next?  Oh that's about the time we moved out into the country and I was stuck 10 miles from town with no car cause the asshole broke down.  I started gardening.  That was fun, but it would cost money that I didn't want to spend because plants aren't free and I found out the hard way I couldn't grow shit from a seed.
That is about the time I started my blog and getting good book ideas.
Also, I dabbled a little in sewing, didn't do to well but at least I figured out how to use a sewing machine. I made 2 quilts and a shit load of pillows.

We moved from the country to a whole other county 3 hours south from where I grew up.

That's where I found my newest obsession;  Goodwill!  Ahhhhh..

There are more Goodwill's in this town then I've ever seen!  I visit the closest 2 at least once a week.  I usually go right back to the house ware crap and look for something I can paint.

I can't even tell you how many shelves I've bought from there that I've re-done and I have no where to put them because we live in a tiny ass apartment.

Shit, since I'm painting shelves I might as well try to paint on a canvas too.  I really find it therapeutic.

Now, the newest thing I'm trying is working out.

I don't post many pics of me on my blog or FB because I just don't like pics of me, but I've always been really skinny and never had to diet.  But, since I've had 2 kids.. one 10 pounder and one 8 pounder, do you know what that does to a skinny body?  Let's just say my kids like to play with the extra skin on my belly more than play doh!

But, what I really want is my butt a little higher than it resides now and my dream is to have Kelly Ripa's arms!

I freaking love her arms!  I doubt she has the floppy shit going on like I do!  

So, I will be 40 years old in May and  I had a physical a few months ago and found out my bad cholesterol is too high and my good cholesterol is too low!  Ugh. The doctor told me that if I started to exercise that it could help. He also mentioned my diet and I told him NO WAY! I will not diet so put me on a pill!! 

 So, that is one of the reason's why I'm starting this new obsession and the other reason is, because I don't want my belly to be compared to play doh!  

What the hell will I do when I go back to work next year?  I can either finish this book I've been working on a become super rich! Yeah right!  Or I could be a seamstress?  ooh, a painter! Maybe, I can take up photography and start my own biz!  

Thanks for reading

The perks of being a blogger

Even though I've been slacking quite a bit on blogging, I still get emails every now and then to try something free and to blog about it.  Heck yah!! Who wouldn't?

This is the newest thing, I will be doing with my daughter and I will let you know how it's going.

K5 Learning has an online reading and math program for kindergarten to grade 5 students. I've been given a 6 week free trial to test and write a review of their program. 

If you are a blogger, you may want to check out their open invitation to write an online learning review of their program.

If anyone is interested in doing this with their child please click on the link above.  

I decided to join this because my daughter is having a hard time with math. 

I'm hoping that doing this free 6 week program she will be more confident and not such a whiny brat when she's doing her math homework.

Hmm.. maybe I will learn something too, considering she's always begging me to help her and I have no clue what to do.  I'm pretty sure she got her math knowledge or lack of from me. 

I will let you know how we are doing.

Thanks for reading,

My video game addict!

My 4 year old loves when his Dad plays video games.  If Chris isn't home and Andrew hears a jingle of keys, he runs through the house screaming, "Daddy!"  He is pretty pissed off when he finds out most of the time it's me getting my kicks off.

Andrew is on Chris as soon as he gets home from work; "Daddy, you gonna play your game now?"
He follows him around like a lost little puppy until Chris gives in and turns on his PS3.

Personally, I love when Chris plays because that means both kids are sitting in the living room with him while I'm in the bedroom, reading, watching T.V or just sitting there enjoying being by myself.

When I come out this is what I find.. and of course I can't help but to catch it on video.

Andrew will hold his pee for so long, that he's crying for Chris to pause the game while he goes to the bathroom.  He doesn't want to miss a moment.


We've explained to Andrew many, many times that what he sees on Daddy's game is NOT real!  We do not hurt or kill in real life.  He seems to understand.  "Okay, I already know that!"  he answers every time.

Chris used to have a video game that showed really inappropriate things, like boobies and the man picking up a hooker.  He got rid of that one, because there is no way Chris can play a game without Andrew sitting right beside him.

After Chris shuts off the PlayStation, I will find Andrew running to his playroom to find one of his many swords or guns to pretend he's fighting bad guys.

I also get a whole story about what he saw on the video game.  That's about the time my eyes glaze over and I reminisce on how relaxed I was while they were playing, all Andrew sees is a smile on my face he has no idea that I've tuned him out.


Do you have kids that like to watch video games?  Do you approve?



Thanks for reading,