Monday, February 4, 2013

A Night in a Tent


When we moved I signed my daughter up for Girl Scouts, hoping it will bring her out of her shell and help her make friends and I could use some new friends too!

Emilie’s Girl Scout Troop went on their first camping trip for the year over the weekend.  They were leaving on Friday night and returning on Sunday afternoon.  I really wanted to go so I could spend some time with Emilie without Andrew trying to crawl up my butt.

Although, three things about this trip made me very nervous about going.

First, I haven’t been camping since I was at least 12 years old.  This camping trip with the Girl Scouts would require us to sleep in tents!  I’ve only slept in a tent once in my life.  We would go camping as a child, well what my dad considered camping.  The first time we used a tent.  After 2 long hours of my dad bitching and throwing tent poles around, when he couldn’t figure out how to put the thing up.  Needless to say that was the last time we used a tent.  My dad purchased one of those pop up campers after that year.  Our camping as a family required that my mom had to have a small TV so she can watch “her shows.”

Camping with Girl Scouts I knew was going to be very different from what I was used to 20 years ago.

My second concern was it was going to be cold.  Not only do I not like to camp but I hate to be cold! I mean HATE!!!  I know anyone reading this who lives where it actually snows is laughing at me when I say sleeping outside when it’s 40 degree’s is freaking torture for me.

The final and most important thing that made me nervous about going was leaving my little man.  Andrew and I have been together for the past 3 years 24/7!  The only other time I spent the night without him was when he was born and I was discharged from the hospital before he was.

With all of those things in mind, I decided that I would let Emilie go on Friday night and I would meet up with them at the campsite on Saturday and then spend one night.  I could deal with one night away in a cold ass tent!

This means, Andrew would have to stay home with Daddy all day and night without Mommy!  Chris has never had to stay with Andrew alone for more than a few hours.  Yep, I was worried about that too.

Not sure if Chris was nervous, if he was he never showed it.  In the past when I would complain about a shitty day at home with a toddler he would of course say.  “Then you can get a job and I will stay home, I would love that.” I would always respond, “You wouldn’t make it two whole days, if that.”


Before the camping weekend came upon us, I would talk about it to Andrew, so he wouldn’t freak out too much when I left.  I talked it up, how much fun he would have with Daddy. “He will give you candy and popcorn and you can take baths all day long if you want.”  Haha, I didn’t mention any of this to Chris.

The camping trip was located in a huge park where many, many people go camping.  When we first arrived, Andrew spotted a huge playground, and bugged us to go there and play.
We finally arrive at the campsite and I get out of the car and open Andrew’s door to say goodbye.  Then the tears started, not mine like I thought they would, it was Andrew.  He was freaking out like I knew he would.  I could see it in Chris’ face. He was starting to get worried; I was leaving him with a very upset 3 year old.  Then he remembered what works best with a toddler.  Bribery!  “Andrew, let’s go to the playground.”  That worked, the tears stopped.  I looked at Chris with a raised eyebrow.  He knew what I was thinking. Chris hates going to playgrounds.  I said my goodbyes and kissed my men goodbye until morning.   I knew I would hear from Chris sometime between 10 minutes and 10 hours.


Emilie was very excited to see me; she actually gave me a hug. She normally only gives hugs when she is asked for them.  The other mother’s eventually told me the nightmare they had the night before.  In between 6 year old’s peeing on them selves and their tent mates sleeping bags and a box of Cheez-its.  It was freezing cold, and no one got any sleep. That story did not help my anxiety.  I dreaded when the sun would go down.  We had a fun day and the evening was full of Mama Drama!  I won’t share that info on here, but it amused me of course!   Before bed time came, I got the dreaded call from Chris, pissed off Chris.  I’ve told “Pissed off Chris” never to call me and I put my number on the “Do Not Call list.”

I was able to talk to my little man on the phone.
Aww, he misses me!  I asked how his day was at the park, that one little question dried up his tears and proceeded to tell him all about it.  I assured him I would be home after he woke up in the morning.
Lucky for me, that night was no where as cold as the night before! YES!!!
I barely got any sleep that night though, I heard lots of noises out side our flimsy tent that scared the shit out of me.   Footsteps, screeching from some kind of animal, and I swear I heard a coyote.  My tent mate assured me that we will be just fine. I didn't take her word for it, I think I got 3 hours of sleep! What the hell did she know, she slept the whole time, while my bugged eyes stared at the top of the tent waiting for Bigfoot  to rip that sucker down!

Morning finally came and we packed up and left.

I was so excited to see Andrew, I swear he couldn’t get into my arms fast enough and we gave each other the biggest hug ever.

“So,  how’d it go with you guys last night.”  I asked Chris.
This is what he said and I will always remember these words:

“I don’t know how you do it.  I felt like a slave, he constantly wanted something.  He drove me crazy!  There is NO WAY I could be a stay at home Dad.”

I grinned from ear to ear.  Those were the sweetest words he’s ever spoken to me.  I wanted to take him right there right then. (But I didn’t)

I actually had a good weekend, now that I know that my men can actually do it with out me.  I think Emilie and I need to plan a trip to a nice hotel somewhere in a big city away from critters and dirt!

Thanks for reading,
xoxo


Don't forget to vote for "BAD WORD MAMA"

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Nope, I didn't know that...

Okay, yes I know there is a lot of things I don't know.. A LOT!!

But, I'm talking about idle gossip, nothing that really would make a difference in your life.. Just a
"Hmm, I didn't know that."

I was on Twitter and saw a link or a Tweet or whatever you call that.  It was from "OMG FACTS"
It was about celebrities that are "out and proud."
First, let me share with you, I am the very last person on this earth who judges another person about who they want to spend their life with.  My best friend was gay, yes I said was. She took her life eleven years ago. Anyway, the point is, I usually have what people call "Gaydar."
I was definitely wrong, I have no such device in me.  I had no idea these people are gay. I will post the link at the bottom of this post.  I was in shock with a few of these.  Not sure why, I know gay people don't look or act a certain way.  Sometimes, I feel like I live under a rock

Something else I found out,

I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show the other day and the mean lady from The Biggest Loser was on Jillian Michaels.  Anyway, they showed a picture of her and another lady with two babies.  WTF, I didn't know that she was gay!


------>"Out and Proud" <-------

When I publish a post I usually put a lot of thought into it and find cute pictures to go along with it. So forgive me, I did this on a whim.




(Disclaimer:  I am not nor will I ever be homophobic. If I offended you with this post, sorry it's my blog I can say what I want.)

Thanks for reading
xoxo

While you're here click this link and vote for me.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

My Life is a Beach

My whole life, when I needed to go to my "Happy Place", it was always the beach.  I love the salty smell of the water, the breeze that forces me to breath through my nose and relax.  The sounds of the waves crashing. Damn, just writing it relaxes me.

When Chris and I decided to move here, what excited me the most was the beach.  Although, I was very surprised to find out how close we were.  If you ask me if it's less than two hours away, then that close.  No, we don't live on the beach.. YET!!  When we get older and kids are moved out, that is where I will retire.

We are only 10 to 20 minutes from the beach, depending on traffic.

So, we live near the beach we go at least twice a month... I still love it, but it doesn't relax me the way I thought it would. I think I'm more relaxed thinking about it then I am while I'm there.

I think I figured out why...

Actually, two reasons..

1.  Emilie
2.  Andrew

Yep, they basically forced themselves into my happy place and tore the shit up.  While in my happy place I sit in my chair facing the ocean and close my eyes and just be.

When I'm forced to bring them to my happy place, there is constant bitching about something.
Emilie will only go into the water up to her ankles and Andrew, he won't go 10 feet near the surf.

Emilie:
"Mommy, can you walk down the beach with me and pick up shells?"
"Can you help me get the sand out of my ass crack?"
(Well, she doesn't say "ass crack" or I would smack her on the ass.)
"I'm bored, can I bury you in the sand?"


Andrew:
"Mommy, my hands are dirty."
"I want to fish."

Andrew likes to throw shells into the water, although it's very hard for him to do that, he doesn't throw very far and like I said before, he won't even get that close to the water.  He usually ends up knocking me upside the head with one.
"Damnit kids, I'm in my freaking happy place!"

While trying to tune out the voices and bitching that never existed in my happy place before.  I sit in my chair ready to relax.  Even though I refused to be buried in the sand, it's flying all over me, in my hair on my blasted happy chair.  I look behind me and Andrew is digging in the sand like a dog and throwing it all my way.  UGH!!!!

The damn bandits who talk too much in my happy place, make me get up and walk or do whatever they want to do (except bury me in the sand) just to keep them quiet.
So, I'm up and walking down the beach picking up shells, I of course love to watch people as well.  There are only a couple things that make me stop in my tracks and watch.
A family of tourists or a overweight Dad in the ocean with their kids and Dad keeps getting knocked down by the waves.  I can't help but laugh! I'm sorry, that is just too freaking funny!

The other thing is surfers! It's hard to see their faces, but those wet suits are what really catch my eye!

Not thinking about what his face looks like right now!

As we walk back to the area of the beach that we claimed our's for the afternoon.  "What the hell, someone is in my happy chair! Oh hell no!!

Well, at least he's a cutie!

Without much force I get Andrew out of my chair and sit down to relax from my walk. I look out in front of me and see Chris in his happy place. Man, that shit is not fair.. the kids are too damn scared to go out into the water to bug him. I'm not a fan of the creepy crawlers that dwell in that water, I usually stay on the beach as well.


Just, as I get comfortable, breathe in relaxation, exhale noise and everything else that followed me here.
Time to get up again, Andrew wants me to take pictures of him on the sand dune.


Okay, picture done, I run back to my chair to find Chris complaining that the fishing isn't working out like he thought it would. Okay? So?

"Time to go."  Chris states.
"What the mother corn dog lovin' people!"

Fine, I'll just go home and dream about how I can come here all by myself one day.

I made this when I was supposed to be picking up shells.


Thanks for reading

xoxo

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Sunday, January 20, 2013

Get out of my way Ellen!




If you read my last post about being positive and all that business, there is a affirmation that I need to say to myself more.  I only think it, I never say it out loud.  What the hell am I afraid of?  Am I afraid to say it out loud because, I feel like the end isn't near?  Because, if I say it I will be held accountable?
I need to be held accountable, everyone should be held accountable if they tell people what their dream is.
Right?

I have it all in my noggin, it's all there but....  Damn that "but" always slips out of my mouth.  I need to stop using that word!  It's me, I'm standing in my way.

I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection.  Yes, I know everyone is afraid of rejection. I don't give a crud, I'm talking about me here!

My dream is possible, attainable, I know it is.  If I close my eyes I can imagine my dream becoming my life.

I'm not sure why it is when I get on my laptop I avoid that little file.  The first think I go to is that blasted Facebook!   It's a file that will change my life as I know it.  I can only hope and dream that it will make my life and my family's life better.


Why can't I find the motivation within myself to just freaking do it!


So, I'm here to tell you all what my dream is, what the 4 word affirmation I need to say to myself everyday.

I need you.. yes you, to  hold me accountable.


I AM A WRITER!


Yes, Yes!! I've said it. Damn that felt so good.  I've actually never written that down before.

Maybe, I don't think of myself as a writer because what I want people to read isn't out there yet.  I'm not a published writer.  I want to be a published writer more than anything.  Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would still want this so bad.

I've been working on a book for over a year.  I have the whole thing already written in my head.  I personally think it is amazing.  I've typed out many, many words. Then I've deleted all those words.  I stopped I decided no, that's not the story I want to write.  For a few months I didn't write, but I never stopped thinking about that story.  So, I started it all over again.  What if I get it all done and then realize I could have made it better by doing this or that?

Okay, I need to just get the hell over it and do what I want to do, NO, what I NEED to do.

Thanks for reading my page of rantings.
xoxo

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I can be positive damnit!

When I worked as a Real Estate Agent, our Broker would pound daily affirmations in our head.  Mind you this was the first and only sales job I have had.  (I really sucked at it)  But, I did start to understand why positive thinking and daily affirmations help.  Because, I was such a shitty sales person I needed all the help I could get.   God knows my selling skills didn't help me sell a property.

This quote was used quite often in the Real Estate office. 

Anyway, I left the real estate biz back in 2008 and returned to administrative work, which I absolutely love!
It's been so long since someone reminded me everyday about being positive.   I've really gotten out of the habit of doing affirmations.  I really try to stay a positive person, but shit happens and it just pisses me off and puts me in a bad fucking mood!

You know how when a bad thing happens and it just sets you off?  It seems like after that EVERYTHING goes wrong.  Well, I know it happens to me a lot.  Are we sending negative energy out in the universe when that one little shitty thing happens?

I some how stumbled across this website and they are talking about positive thinking and affirmations.

The article states when you get in a foul mood you say things like "I'm so stressed, "Why do things have to be so hard." those words, phrases and thoughts we are affirming and making this our reality.  So, does this mean I can't bitch about anything anymore?  And, if I do, I'm telling the universe to send all the bullshit my way?  UGH!!
So at the end of the article the writer challenges her readers to change their language, instead of saying and thinking negatively to think positive. Okay, I will bite.. I will try this challenge for one week.  Starting now...
So, now that I've read this article I had planned on telling you what I've been up to in the past week or so, guess I will have to spin it around and tell you without sounding negative or bitchy.  This should be interesting..

THE LAST WEEK IN MY AMAZING LIFE..

I've been open and honest in my most of my posts about my life and our financial situation.  Things happen in life, bad decisions are sometimes made and we all have to live with our choices and consequences.
We got behind on our car payment a while back, we tried working with them some (not as much as we should).  Before moving to the town we are in now, my car broke and we were left with one vehicle.  The same vehicle that we were behind on the payments.  I woke up Saturday morning and went outside for my morning cigarette with my coffee and I looked out into the parking lot and noticed our truck wasn't in the the usual spot. I had drove it the night before to go the laundry mat and I remember exactly where I parked it.  I started to get freaked out, I opened the front door and poked my head in, "Chris, please tell me you moved the truck this morning?"  I asked with a tremble to my voice.  His expression showed me that he did not move the truck.  Yep, you guessed it, it finally all caught up with us. The truck was re-possessed!! It's that just dandy? (not being negative)  Can't think of anything better than, not having to look over our shoulder anymore for tow trucks following us.  Oh, and that pesky cost of gas!  Long story short or a little shorter...
I have a friend who has a friend who was selling her old 2000 Saturn and she offered it to us for $200.  I was super excited about it. The car looked in great condition and it's a very good price.  So of course we couldn't refuse.  We were waiting for the title to come from Michigan for a few weeks.  We were going to put the new car in my name.  The strangest thing happened, the title finally came in Thursday and our truck was repo'd on Saturday night.  Thankfully, it didn't leave us with out a vehicle!  THANK GOD!
I'm actually happy it happened that way, to register a vehicle and transfer a title in Florida is pretty high, we were going to have to pay around $300 or so.  Now that Chris no longer has a vehicle we just transferred his tag onto the new car, less than $100! YAY.

Let me tell you about my new car...

So, when you buy a car for $200 you basically get a car with constant heat, I'm not complaining that their isn't air in the car.. Nope not me.  A bonus, I get to climb out the window like the Dukes of Hazzard, because the driver side door doesn't open!  I won't call myself Daisy for sure but I will call myself her slightly older Aunt, who wears capri's.
Because, the car is much smaller than our Ford Explorer, gas mileage will be much better. Last night while driving to pick up Chris from work, I was blessed with a message right there on my dash.  I changed the words a bit, I interpret them as "I Love Life."  Some people, well negative people would probably read it as "Service Engine Soon."  I don't this week, because this is my positive challenge week.  I don't think I would be any happier even if I won the lottery, I'm living the freaking dream right now! (((cleansing breath)))

So, that's what's been going on in my life in the past week.
Thankfully, I read that "Positive" article before I wrote my own post, no one had to listen to me bitch.

Below is the link to the article I read if anyone else wants to take the same challenge.


Thanks for reading.
xoxo

POSITIVELY POSITIVE